Here I am wishing I had better control between what goes on in my brain and what comes out of my mouth.
Today at work another nurse read me the riot act in front of aides and maybe a resident or two. Her voice is naturally loud so I am sure many heard every single word.
I deserved some of it.
I made a careless comment that got back to her.
So she took me down in front of other people.
Talk about embarrassing.
My comment wasn't talking smack but was best left in my head.
This experience brings me back to another 22 years ago.
I was in the car with a neighbor coming back from the Street of Dreams tour when she went OFF on me.
She yelled at me for the entire 20 minutes it took to get home.
She pointed out how negative I always was. (I like to think I am a realist but admit to pessimism occasionally).
She told how I brought everyone down around me.
She went on and on how she tried to give me the benefit of the doubt but I was just an awful person and she could not handle being around me.
I sat there with my mouth open.
I honestly did not understand.
Even now I don't completely understand what she meant.
Yes I speak sarcasm and she apparently did not.
Yes I sometimes talk just to talk. Or I used to do that.
This woman lived across the street from us.
I could not even look at her house without cringing after that.
I tried to be more careful about what I said.
I swear I have spent decades trying to tame my tongue.
I thought I had improved.
My lecture today shows me I still have much room for improvement.
I tend to be flippant.
I struggle daily to not speak sarcasm because the people I work with are not native English speakers and sarcasm does not translate well.
I feel like crawling into a dark hole.
Interesting side note: the neighbor who couldn't stand me brought us two rose bushes when Brennan died. She had the grace to look embarassed.
I had the grace to accept the bushes and to thank her. I even planted them in the front yard.
Where do I go to get a frontal lobotomy?
