To All My Best Net Friends...

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I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic, prosperous and just down right FUN 2009!!!

Love, Hugz and Smootchies to you all! Je t'aime!!

Heads or Tails # 71: Watch

Watch

People watching

Watching television or a movie

Somebody's watching me

Wrist watch with a second hand~essential for any nursing student!

Watching the parade go by

Watch out BELOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

The guard is taking watch tonight

Watching the children so they don't kill one another(might just be my house)

Learn by watching

Swatch watch(super sick(aka cool))in the late '80's and early '90's

Watch me Mommy, WATCH ME!

Watching what you say

Clock watching

Night Watchman

Watch what you're doing!

Watch fob

Watch band

Neighborhood Watch

Better watch out, better not cry......

Watchtower pamphlets

Someone to watch over me

Watch and wait

A watched pot never boils

A Stitch In Time

I have been wanting to get out of the house so I decided to slice my index finger open and let it bleed all over the kitchen towel, the sink, the knife...it took me a few seconds to get my first aid kid open.

Yup. I am a moron.

Despite firm pressure on gobs of gauze and holding my finger higher than my heart...it kept bleeding. At least I missed an artery. Snort.

I let 17yo rewrap finger....it kept bleeding through.

I looked over at spouse and said, "Pretty darn sure I need stitches."

"Are you sure?!?"

"YES!!!!!", rolling my eyes almost audibly.

"I have to hit the bathroom and then I'll take you.", as he shut the door.

In my head, "DUDE! I'm bleeding here. You know, my precious type A+ completely disease free blood is oozing through another bandage...grrrr"

No question of "Does it hurt?"

We drove 15 minutes to Urgent Care because I refuse to hit that idiotic ER again.

I had no pain. I just kept the pressure on and the hand above the heart. It took 10 minutes to check in and then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Three people who were much sicker than I got in the back before I did. No problem. They looked pretty darn sick, like throwing up flu sick. I stayed far away from anyone who looked sick.

I was called back and a super cool LPN guy took my vitals and then irrigated my finger. I began to feel stinging. Ow. More sterile gauze and pressure.

I waited 30-60 minutes for the doctor. I amused myself by listening to everyone else's symptoms and diagnosing them in my head. Hey nursing students are easy to entertain.

Doctor came in and agreed that I was right and I did need some stitches. She even offered to let me do them. I think she was kidding cuz I would have loved to do my own stitches.

The most painful part~local anesthetic. OWIE.

3 lovely stitches later and a way cool finger gauze bandage later and I was finished. Doc asked if I needed pain meds and I blithely answered no way I hadn't felt anything....stupid me. It's all stingy now that the local has worn. Not agonizing but definitely an owwwwwwwwwwwwwwie.

I was a very brave girl and it got me outta the house. Snort, only in my life.

Different Than Before

No matter how much I tried, I have never quite fit into any group from elementary school to the present.

I was considered to be in middle level in high school(in the Midwest). You know, not a complete loser but not on student council either. I never wanted to be on student council. I did try out to be a cheerleader in junior high. This is pretty funny since I lack grace and coordination on land. I must have been overwhelmed with delusions of being popular in the 8th grade. LOL. The thing is, if I had made the j.v. cheerleading team, I wouldn't have fit in and I doubt I could have handled the shunning that type of clique perpetuates.

I never fit in with my family being the only girl, being the child who read obsessively, being the one who could set my mother off in less than 20 seconds.

The first time I went to college I was more interested in guys than classes and grades. What a complete waste of $12,000!

I started being boy crazy around 6th grade. I was taught by society that I could not be whole without a boyfriend. I was gullible and my self esteem was never high.

I wasted so many years thinking about, trying to attract, and flirting with males.

My point being no one can make me happy but myself. My mother did try to explain that to me. I wasn't listening. I was a teen. I never listened to her.

I still don't fit in quite anywhere and I am not happy though I am slowly working on that.

Im my perverse way I would detest fitting in as then I would not be the true me. Having my own opinions and slant on life is what makes me ME.

This is what I will be motivated to examine in the new year.

Who am I truly?

&

What will make me happy/content?

Any thought my friends?

Be Gone 2008!

After being basically trapped by snow, ice, more snow and slushy piles 12 inches high, I make this statement: This has been one of my worst school breaks EVAH!!!

The use of salt is banned here as it gets into the watershed and ends up int he rivers which end up in Puget Sound and kill little salmon babies. Two weeks of Y chromosomes and their testosterone befouling my air Ifeel little salmon babies should die so we will never be stuck inside for this long again.

Is it just me or do other people's husbands fart constantly? When I signed foe this marriage gig being unable to breath for hours at a time was NOT in my contract. What is up with middle aged men and huge amount of flatus(as they call gas in medical terms)? Like snoring at 159 decibels isn't enough? It's gross guys, completely totally stomach turning gross. :P

Why wasn't this information in the marriage manual? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??? Why do middle aged men think we should find their various disgusting odors cute? Or charming? SORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, so NOT CUTE!!!

I think I've gone over the brink to the very sharp edge of insanity........

Kicking 2008 in the Ass!

Not the greatest year for me, not the worst year. I have several friends who had the worst years of their lives. In my own way it's time to kick 2008 in the ass to send it into the past and make room for hope in 2009.

2008 meant these things to me...

Taking intermediate algebra twice.

Moving into new area and house.

Too many freakin' trips to the ER for the now 17yo.

Many months of apathy, yet I persevered and conquered my AA degree.

Making the family room into my vision of peace and beachiness.

The continued questioning of my marriage.

The happiness when I made it into nursing school.

The realization that I spent over 20 years of my life on my boys who could care less.

The knowledge I needed to let the boys go(emotionally) to screw up their lives on their own.

Grieving those little boys who were the center of my existence.

The crushing awakening to the fact nursing school is NO fun.

Learning the one must play the game to get what one wants.

Knowing that any nursing school staff cannot be trusted, at all!

Keeping in mind, the end result is worth the torture preceding it.

Sometimes I just have to wallow, not to last more than 2 weeks.

I am a grown up to the world and 25 in my mind.

Getting older kinda sucks!

Counting down to 2009~6 days left.

Happy Holidays

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I wish you each a happy and peaceful holiday.



Janice
Crazed Mom
Chasing Myself

Heads or Tails: This Time of Year

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This time of year can be quite difficult for me. My little Brennan never really had a Christmas, he was sick and dying the one Christmas he lived.

It's so hard to be enthused about the holiday now that the two older boys are 20 and 17 and would rather be with their friends. They no longer anticipate Christmas morning, preferring to sleep in and asking for cash rather than toys.

This year seems extra hard even though 13 years have slipped by since Brennan spent his one and only Christmas with us. Maybe my intensity with nursing school kept memories at bay this fall but since school has been out I've been slipping deeper and deeper into darkness and apathy.

He was nine months old in 1995. He was quite sick by December 25, yet I still felt his "self" when I held him. He had a more difficult time keeping his eyes open then from the disease that was destroying his brain. He knew when I held him. It did not matter if he could see Mommy, he could hear my heart beating and my voice as I sang to him.

We were being helped at home by Hospice of Seattle and a few pediatric home care nurses. Nights were mine. I took care of him each and every night. My husband offered to, but I could not bear to spend time away from my fading boy. My heart was breaking into hundreds of pieces that was only helped by holding and caring for my dying son.

Groups from the church, the neighborhood, the nurses' group all sent presents so my older sons, 4 and 7, would have presents under the tree Christmas morning. They brought us meals I never ate. A friend even brought dinner and a tree for us to decorate one weekend that December. The kindness of strangers has never shined so brightly for me, in those months before Brennan took his last breaths. I am eternally grateful they helped take care of our family so well.

The hope of Christmas was delivered to us by these people, neighbors, friends, strangers, hospice workers, nurses, the list goes on and on. I try to keep that hope alive in my heart all the time. I was shown the love of Christ that Christmas by many people. Even through my tears and sorrow I could see the hope and love, especially for the boys.

I will try to find it and make an effort so that my family can enjoy the spirit of joy of Christmas this week. I know their brother would want me to try. :)

In memory Brennan Reed 3/22/95-2/2/96. ^i^

Deja Vu

Snow, cold, freezing roads, stuck in the house, blahblahblah.............................................................


Damn good thing I have no weapons handy!!!!

A Blustery and Snowy Weekend

48+ hours of snow, high winds and cold. They said it would warm up today. HA! 5 more inches of snow with 4 inches more expected by 6a.m..

Then warmer weather they say. HA! We've been essentially trapped inside this house all weekend long. Spouse, 17yo and me. Fun, fun and more fun. Kid was bored after 2 hours. Love the attention span our high tech, texting, smart phone carrying kid have these days.

I said read a book. He hysterically laughs at me as he claims, "I've already read a book this year Mom. Jeesh!"

I have to wonder what my book obsessed mother would say about her grandson now? Would she consider him sweet as she did when he was 13 months old? He climbed into her lap with one of his favorite books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Now she would even be able to get down low enough for the ground to get into his car. My mom had severe RA and could not lower herself at all physically speaking.

I can imagine her face now. "Told you so. Bwahahahahha. Now you know how I used to feel."

The truth is she's right, now I know. :P

The Frozen Tundra

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It's freaking cold. 15 freaking degrees. The snow stopped but it's too cold to go out. CABIN FEVER TIME!!!!!

I finished one book now onto the next murder mystery.

I can't think of more fun on a vacation, can you? :P

Misery Loves Company

After talking to several of my classmates, I've found I'm not the only one befuddled by some of the grade drops on report cards.

I have to wonder why I'm paying so much money to be miserable?

The entire program and the feedback we get seems to be geared to make us question ourselves and whether we want to be nurses. We get very teeny bits of positive feedback compared to large amounts of negative feedback.

I'm off to read some totally mindless fiction. Maybe I can dig myself out of this funk....

Hanging In The Tree

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I got my grades today. I'm slightly ambiguous about the results. Tell me what you think. I'm including nutrition from summer as that is a nursing class too.

Nursing Fundamentals 91%
Clinical 83%
Computers and Nursing 91%
Pharmacology 95%
Nursing Delivery Systems 100%
Nutrition 96%

Several of these grades dropped from 94% to 91% after they were calculated as someone did not know how to weigh certain assignments and tests. :P

I plan on doing better next quarter.

WOOHOO ONE QUARTER DOWN!!! Three to go.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I know many of you across the country are suffering from cold, snowy, icy and windy winter weather. IT SUCKS! I was trapped at home today because of the two whole inches of ice on the roads. The folks that live in my neighborhood couldn't control their cars let alone the fools across the county.

Hey peeps! Ice is slippery! Honest! DO NOT accelerate too fast or slam on your brakes you MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grew up driving in snow and ice but I trust no one else in the road.

I did not get my trip to Barnes and Noble. I really needed my trip to B&N. I need some escape from my reality. The reality of my spouse making me feel disliked, ungrateful and lazy. The reality of my teenager getting all bent when I showed him some of the attitude he constantly shows me. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, how DARE I? He stormed out of the house and my spouse glared at me because all the bad in life is my fault. Yeah, yeah.

It was extremely sunny on the now and ice causing my eyes to almost run away in protest. Even with all blinds and curtains closed it was still very bright. YEOUCH!, my eyes yelped. I did not know my eyes could talk, or maybe that's just my early onset cabin fever............

I pray and hope all my pals are staying safe, warm and sane(unlike me)this week. HUGZ

Grateful/Not Grateful

With our temps here in Seattle going down to the teens for the week and the 5-6 inches of snow on the ground I thought I'd mention a few things I am grateful for.

1. Central Heating

2. Electricity

3. Warm Clothing

4. A roof over my head

5. TV News which loves to panic the entire NW when we get snow and cold.

6. Santa has a sleigh and not a VW bug

7. How pretty the snow is when I have no where I have to be.

I am not grateful for several "things"

1. Cranky spouse, 17yo who thinks he knows how to drive in snow, 20 yo who thinks he knows how drive anywhere in an condition

2. Kids home from school/work

3. Cranky spouse who yells at teen on phone and fish eyes me as if it's all my fault

4. My persist ant low grade sinus headache

5. Another lizard bit the dust



Please add your own grateful/not grateful lists!!!!!!

The Scourge of Mucus

I hate to discuss this sordid area of life...I have mucus, lots and lots of mucus. Most of it grows in my nasal cavities and then slimes down my throat or clogs up my nose so I cannot breathe through my nostrils.

I have to say, I am sick and damn tired of mucus. It starts gearing up on January when the cedar and juniper pollen begins production. Pollen is the way all the trees and shrubs and grasses and weeks and flowers have sex. I think botanists needs to invent biovegetative condoms. I am serious.

Why should I be miserable a majority of the year from pollen and dust that cause mucus to go into overdrive in my mucus membranes? I've seen the cranial sinuses the head holds. Teeny little spaces that should not mathematically be able to produce 6 tons of mucus in 6 hours..........but it does.

I want to start a new movement~Safe Sex for Plants...Put condoms on all your plants, shrubs, trees and give those of us with allergies a break. Please.

I Am Temporarily Free

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All the finals are finished. All assignments handed in. I am free from the responsibility of studying, attending classes, doing group thought, going to clinicals...three weeks to pretty much do as I like.

First~catch up on sleep and sanity.

Second~try to banish evil queen director from my short term memory.

Third~perhaps I'll tame the ginormous dust bunnies with whips.

Fourth~lots of reading.

Fifth~hang on the nets.

There are so many possibilities! :)

My Favorite Subject and 2 Down, 2 to Go

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(these are the meds everyone who went to Speedcat Hollydale's Christmas party needs to take and NOW! They are all complete PSYCHOS!)

I took my pharmacology final this afternoon. Damn, I love this subject. My brain just absorbs all the weird names, the chemicals and how they work, and it's just fun. I was giggling at some of the wrong answers my prof. made up. All of our test are multiple choice so 3 answers are wrong. She used the word Foslmax, making fun of the anti-osteoporosis drug Fosamax. Note fossils are bones that have petrified to rock over time. Wink. I think I rocked the test.

I have two 93% in the two classes that are finished. Nursing and Computers and Fundamentals. 93% equals a 3.3 in the nursing program. This angers me greatly. I'm doing A work but on my transcript they will be Bs. Argh. Normal grade points for a 93 is a 3.6-3.7. Enough about my anal fixation with g.p.a.s.

Open book final at 8 freaking early a.m. and a total unknown lab final at 10a.m. No matter what I'll be FREE at noon. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I wish all my friends a delightful day and prayers for Maunie who is having back surgery today. HUGZ to everyone!!!!

One Down, Three to Go

Took 15 whole minutes to take my fundamentals final today. Pharm tomorrow, delivery system and lab finals Thursday morning. Then I shall be free. Free of evil directors giving me the death stare, free of crazy ex car pool partners, free of clinicals and fear of clinicals. Free. December 12-January 5. Free.

Even More Crazy

(17yo summer 1992)


As if gun toting thugs, car thieves, and death threats haven't been enough in the past 8 days...tonight my 17yo got rear ended by another teenager going to the same place. They were on their way to Young Life a Christian youth group that meets at the high school.

He's ok, I guess. He hit his elbow on his steering wheel and his should/neck hurt from the seat belt. I gave my typical advil and ice medical solution. Because 1) I have a final at 9a.m. tomorrow and 2) I freaking ass detest our ER and 3) I am a terrible mother. No blood, not knocked out, he wasn't crying so I assessed the patient as a priority tomorrow after final also known as PTAF!

Gosh golly geesh. I have to wonder why my anxiety level may be elevated recently. Cripes. I'm beginning to think we're cursed.

My First Death Threat

After a week of presentations in pharm and nursing delivery systems, it's time to study for those four wonderful finals for nursing 102, 104, 105 and 116.

You should have seem me playing a high school drug dealer in my pharm presentation. I had my hoodie up over my head and skulked around the classroom. I have a plastic baggie of rx drugs to sell.......................(all were OTC drugs) but my pharm teacher rushed to the front of the room to check my supply cuz she though I might be dumb enough to carry illegal oxycontin and morphine around. I LMAO. In fact, I kept the class laughing throughout my presentation. Did you know they are calling this high school group Generation Rx? Except for marijuana prescription drugs are the most abused from the ages of 12-adulthood. DON'T BE A THUG, REFUSE TO DO DRUGS!

My CPP did not appreciate it when I teased her(she yelled at me. very mean. Janice is NOT NICE!!<Janice you are so mean!asked several of classmates to kill me with overdoses of insulin. SERIOUSLY. I won't be carpooling next quarter. If I wanted to deal with temper tantrums I would teach preschool again. It was my first death threat ever!! Good thing my fellow students like me better. =:-O

Tomorrow I will begin reviewing my notes, reading asignments and my index cards.

What will you be doing this week?

My Letter To Santa

Please go read my letter to Santa over at Santa's Community Blog today! Then let me know what you would like from Santa this year!

Love you all & extra hugs,

Janice aka Crazed Mom

Ways to Avoid Confrontations With Your Spouse

Repost, one of my favs.

Ways to avoid conflicts(and/or meetings) with your spouse...

1. Build a treehouse in the closest grove of trees and go live there for the weekend. Remember to bring blankets and pillows, your laptop(cuz all laptops plug into trees and all trees have wifi!), snacks and drinks. Try not to leave a trail of breadcrumbs unless you want to be found.

2. Act like you have a cold/allergies and your ears are all clogged up and you can't hear any thing! Keep saying "WHUT?", have the tv turned up very loud, fake a cough here and there and yank on your earlobs to try and "clear" your hearing up.

3. Keep your iPod earbuds in your ears at all times! Once again, if you see hubby gesturing just yell,"WHUT?" and point to your ears.

4. SLEEP for 24 hours. No decent man will wake you up just to argue with you. Of he does try to wake you up just scream at him for being so selfish and stomp back to bed and or your car and lay back down.

5. Wake up early and leave a note saying you're spending the day with a friend in need and will not be home until very late. Now go spend the day however you want to.

6. Tell hubby you have a massive project due Monday and spend all day at the library. No man will scream in a library and if they do, the librarians will kick them out!

7. Fake a migraine. Lie in a dark room with ice on your head(and a book & flashlight hidden under your pillow) and moan anytime you hear noise, see light or feel movement.

8. Run away from home, check into the Four Seasons, get a massage in your room and enjoy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know!

A Funny Repost While I'm at Clinical Today

Signs You Might be an OLD Fogey:

1. You get all bent outta shape because a building has gone up in 2 days w/o you noticing until it's done. You drive by, do a classic retake and wonder how the heck you missed that?!!

2. It makes you sad when you realize certain stores have closed down and replaced with an Ebay Store! (BTW, what does one do in an Ebay store?)

3. You cannot make out any lyrics in a rap song except for the nasty epithets.

4. You miss Johnny Carson. (Even the fact you remember Johnny Carson!)

5. Your teenage children point out how "uncool" you are all the time.

6. The first TV your family owned was either a black and white version OR you had to get up and physically change the channel.

7. Gas used to .99 a gallon and darn it, you want that price back now!

8. You find yourself muttering ,"Darn teenage drivers!"

9. You mention how great "some celebrity" is looking to your spouse and then ya realize said celebrity is your age or younger! (Botox is a MIRACLE for some folks.)

10. You miss the days when David Letterman was cutting edge humor.

11. The names of new bands make you wonder what kind of nutjobs are in the music biz nowadays.

12. You use phrases like nowadays! Snort.

13. Your MySpace page never gets any inappropriate comments. :(

14. Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, and Xuqa are completely unrecognizable names.

15. You have no clue what a social utility is. (Speaking as a parent of teen boys you might want to check your child's computer for social utilities...)

16. "Roots" was an original and thought-provoking mini-series the first time you watched it.

17. You can recall when Farrah Fawcett looked GOOD and/or you owned one of her famous posters.

18. Charlie's Angels was a TV show and NOT a movie.

19. Your ever-so-kind 16yo hears one of your favorite songs and lets you know he thinks "The remix of said song is way better!" (Took me awhile to comprehend what a "remix" was. I consider a remix a terrible thing that happens to great music!)

20. You are completely unaware that Painkiller Jane was a TV show on Sci Fi. Worse, you never knew there was a Sci Fi channel!

21. Your kids cannot believe you used to live without a home computer, a cell phone, an answering machine and you never felt deprived.

22. You owned a Walkman cassette player and thought you were so COOL!

23. You still own any cassette tapes or vinyl albums or an 8 track player!

24. Walking everywhere when you were 13 was not a hardship.

25. The first computer you owned was a clunky Apple that did not have a color screen.

Guns, Thugs and Thieves

Most of us live our days in an illusion that we are safe. Safe from random violence, safe from bad events, safe from severe health issues. I tend to have less denial than most, yet on Friday evening and during the a.m. hours of Saturday I had the illusion of safety ripped from my consciousness.

My 17yo came home around 11:25p.m. and told me he'd just had a gun held to his head.

I looked up and said, "Seriously?" (OK where's Ashton Kutcher and who's punkin' me?)

"Mom. These guys followed me from when I left gf's house. I turned into one of the neighborhoods and stopped at the stop sign(critical mistake). Four guys got out of the car, showed me a gun and gestured me to roll my window down. Then one guy punched me in my head." (My eyes kept growing huger and huger.) "They they got back into their car and squealed off."

"Let me see you face!" I inspected his bruised cheek/jaw area. "You need ice on that please."

Then the mom kicked in: "Did you get their license number? What kind of car were they driving? How many and what race were they? Did you think of calling 911?"

He placed an ice pack on his cheek, muttered about 60 "I dunnos" and said, "I just want to go to bed. My head hurts." (I wasn't surprised that his head hurt. Some thug just punched his face in!)
My brain was stunned into silence.(If you know me, you know my brain never ever stops. Never!) Holy shit. My kid was just beat up for no reason and there was a gun involved. What the hell?

I was on Plurk at the time and several Plurkie friends talked me down. I also called gf's parents to let them know.

Around 2:30a.m. I was trying to fall asleep when I heard a noise. I couldn't quite place it.

Suddenly my spouse and my 20 yo son clattered down the stairs, out the garage door and I realized I was hearing my older son's car alarm.

Holy shit times two, I can't believe my heart did not stop.

Spouse jumped in his car to search for attempted car thieves while I call the sheriff. The second question the 911 operator asked was, "Your spouse did not go out looking for them, did he?"

Older son was running around the neighborhood looking for random car thieves and the spouse was racing around in his Nazi(Mercedes) car doing the same.

(Testosterone filled the air with it's acrid smell and stomach turning effect on this common sense thinking mother.)

The sheriff came and took all deets plus several sets of prints, statements, etc. I noticed they had unscrewed our front light bulbs. There is a street lamp across the street as well so it wasn't all that dark.

Safety is an illusion. I hate it my illusions gets ripped apart.(Part of me is still wondering where this surrealism came from.)

Nursing school is easy peasy compared to guns, thugs and thieves.

Something I Never Thought I'd Say

DISCLAIMER: While soem of this is truly how I feel, there quite a bit of snark added to the tone...

After 2 days of watching television with the spouse, I am looking forward to studying pharmacology tomorrow. Sad, isn't it? I'd rather study for my pharm test that watch the most moronic, idiotic, and worthless television shows with my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy to entertain spouse.

Watching Whale Wars on the Animal Planet wasn't too bad, even if the morons who went out at night in the ocean near Antarctica to mess with a Japanese whaling vessel did not die.

But the rescuing of animals in peril over humans pretty much made me want to blow my brains out with an AK-47. This was after switching from NCAA basketball to other stupid sports I find no interest in. Polar bears falling off of cliffs and computer recreations.............get me some ammo please. NOW.

Considering I'm a gun control freak might tell you how irked I truly am.

I have 5 chapters of pharm to read, 6 journal articles to review, one case study, 2 care plans and 2 patient evaluations to write and they all sound ever more fun than my descent into tv hell.

I do believe someone needs to update Dante's Inferno to include certain television shows. Seriously. I'm sitting here in disbelief that the person I procreated with is watching this purely imbecilic show. Oh the mistakes I've made in life are becoming clearer and clearer. Maybe I should apologize to my sons.

I pray you may never be compelled to watch a show that you'd rather gouge your eyes out that see. (rolling my eyes into my head with the hope they'll stay back there)

Spending The Night With Adam

Here I am. At home. With my spouse. Kids at their friends' houses because they have mothers who don't attend nursing school and therefore actually made a Thanksgiving dinner. ;)

Thas' right. I did not make dinner. If I had made dinner I would have to have gone grocery shopping first. Then I'd have to go turkey hunting. Next turkey butchering.
Pumpkin picking. Flour mill so I could bake fresh bread. Potato plucking and washing and peeling. I would have needed to find all my kitchen accoutrement in the boxes still in the living room since last February (not kidding !). Next I would have had to get up from the couch to prepare the meal to be cooked. Blahblahblah. Make a long story short~no turkey dinner here.

Just call me a terrible wife and mother. See if I care. :P

I am comfily sitting/half laying on my couch watching Adam Sandler in a movie I had never heard of until 8p.m.

My spouse is attractively crunching blue corn chips on the love seat(I can really see why I married such a studly chip cruncher(rolling my eyes)). I can hear the movie by just turning up the volume...snicker.

Back to being a studying, no life, project producing, care plan writing nursing student tomorrow. Or maybe Saturday, LOL.

Slowly Surfacing

After 24 hours with a fabulous migraine, my head is slowly starting to not hurt all over.

I will be spending my Wednesday at the hospital doing my delayed clinical. All of you who pray keep me in mind tomorrow, cuz I need all the help from above I can get. I'm not sure what floor I'll be on but I'll need lots of energy and intellectual verve and creativity. Thank ya'll. HUGGLES!

Then I will be doing lots of studying, research, writing and resting until Dec.1.

I wish everyone a lovely holiday if you're not online, I'll be here in between study sessions. :)

The Demons Must Be Exorcised!

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Migraine came by to cozy up with the sinus infection just in time to make going to my clinical tomorrow, difficult, if not impossible. Why do the gods of nursing hate me so?

If I cannot go tomorrow, hopefully I can make it up on Wednesday. If that doesn't work I happen to be in the market for an extremely sharp machete...

At this moment passing grades are my goal besides I'm burned out and in pain and hell just isn't much fun.

Coughing, Care Plans, and Crazed Nursing Student

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Now that there are only 2 weeks left in the quarter, the nursing student is being shoved into an industrial-sized fan. I fear this will leave me bloody and without a future.

Last week during my clinical day I was supposed to choose a patient, read the chart and grab all information and then take care of said patient and do an physical assessment. I messed up. I was given a patient from the head nurse and 2 hours before I was supposed to be there, took her chart and transcribed booku amounts of lab values, diagnoses, nursing notes, drugs and doses etc. I forgot to ask the patient for permission. When I did ask I got a resounding NO. It was now time for me to get to work on the floor so I had no time to find another patient chart. I did deal with another patient who was paranoid and manic but she wouldn't let me near her physically. Hence, I f'ed up BIG TIME.

My clinical grade is most likely below the 83% standard of passing.

I got an email today from my clinical instructor(to all of us actually) letting us know we need to do a full care plan(PAGES of crap) along with transcribing the chart and taking care of said patient. I cannot do my patient from last week because I screwed up. I will have to arrive at the hospital around 10am even though shift doesn't start until 3pm. I may not even get all the everlovin' idiotic paperwork done.

I went to the urgent care with my spouse yesterday as I had developed a nasty cough and a sinus infection. Yeah, headache, exhaustion and all.(I pretty much slept through the pharm lecture Friday cuz I felt so bad) I am now on horse pill antibiotics and when the doctor told me to rest, I laughed and coughed in his face! HA! I said. HA!

I have a written part of a presentation I need to write by tonight so I can send it to the group. I have a fundamentals test of theory of injections and catheters, skills I won't learn for months tomorrow(which is 6 chapters of reading I do believe). I have another presentation I have to work on about the addictiveness of
morphine drugs and how this is affecting society.

How nice my instructors are talking with one another to make sure we students have no life. Right. There is another clinical assignment worth 10% of our grade that hasn't been assigned but will need to be done by Dec 3. And another complete care plan for next week's clinical.

Please....

SHOOT ME NOW!!!!

Another Week Bites The Dust

Hello my five faithful readers! Greetings from the crazed nursing student zone!

My spouse was home all week.(10 seconds of silence) Um, yeah. He's been coughing and hacking and wheezing and generally being irritating. He's finally going to urgent care tomorrow(Thank you Lord). This is good. Now I won't have to kill him and bury him in the neighbor's back yard.(Like I'm stupid enough to bury him in OUR backyard?)

17yo +lurve+ shallow gf =way too much drama for me. It's been a roller coaster ride of anger, the depths of despair, self righteous behavior, the satisfaction of her apologizing profusely and making him a cake(this girl is no cook btw) and her asking him to Sadie's. Just reading that gives me a headache. :P to teen lurve.

My carpool partner is still making me clench my teeth. She is neurotic to the nth degree about her grades. When she asks how long it takes me to study and I tell her, she then insults me(unintentionally I hope) and says I do well because I understand English. Hold the phone.

When I took the reading test fo the program I read at the level of a Ph.D candidate, she read at a 12th grade level. Her score was related to her comprehension of English. Mine, on the other hand, just showed how brilliant I am. Snerk.

I happen to be studying and I don't get A's just because I speak the language. I had the urge to push her out of the car while I was driving 35mph again, nut I restrained myself.

I have always considered myself open minded and relatively color blind.....until TCPP(the car pool partner). The culture class between the Eastern half of the world and The Western Hemishere in IMMENSE and seems to be a chasm I cannot leap over.

Once again, may I say how very grateful I am to be a female born in American with all our rights and privileges. GO AMERICA!!!

I am still feeling kinda crummy but the five hour nap this afternoon and evening helped.

Germs, Go Away Until December 11!

I don't need this virus.

I don't need the raw throat or the overall crummy feeling.

I have classes. Clinicals. Projects. Tests. Finals. Presentations.

Stupid germs.

Go away until 12/11/08.

Please.

Just go away.

Etudier, etudier, et etudier

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Lots of studying going on as the quarter is nearing it's end. I have a test tomorrow. Case study Monday. Pharm test Monday. Two projects due 1st full week of December and let's not forget 5 article review for nursing delivery systems and a lab final and the usual finals, not to mention two more clinical dates with nursing plans to use on our patients.

My averages in pharm is 95% for qtr so far and 96% for fundamentals. The rest are up in the air.


Tell me the truth: Does anyone enjoy nursing school? Cuz my pals and I aren't having much fun.

Hugs and happy Thursday!!!!

Really BAD Day

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Chicken parts, my day sucked. I knew it wasn't going to be the best day when 17yo came down stairs at 1:00A.M. to tell me his gf broke up with him(they been playing this game for a few weeks now. OH MY GOODNESS THE DRAMA!!!)

I said he could sleep in and go to school a little late cuz I'm a sucker and I remember 17 very very well. I was dramatic myself just a smidgen.

I did not awaken until 10a.m. and 17yo missed the whole day of school where the gf apparently spent all day spreading mean and nasty rumors. By the time I got home at 10p.m. he wanted to leave Washington because his reputation is ruined. Cripes I wanna slap someone.

I left my house at 12 noon to go to hospital. We had to be early to pick a patient and get all the charted info written into our forms. I did one women who then refused to be treated by a student nurse. I was supposed to ask her first and I forgot. I screwed up. I detest when I mess up. So I did not have the proper paperwork for my instructor for aftercare conference.

I did get to interact with a woman who was interestingly delusional and paranoid. I heard all about her plans to sue her apt co. who illegally evicted her and her ungrateful yet loving children(depending in before or after dinner). I was a little overwhelmed but stayed neutral and asked how she took care of herself and her meds etc. It was a trip that left me with a tension headache. I never got her chart info nor would she let me near enough to do a physical assessment. The psych floor is very different from the medical floors.

Aftercare conference pointed out to everyone how badly I screwed up. My instructor gave me the evil eyes several times.

I walked into house with no groceries or drinks. Spouse was home all day yesterday and never made it to store. Today he did not make it to store either. No water, juice, milk, bread, anything edible. PLus extra large dust bunnies who'll eat us in our sleep. :P

I dealt with 17yo then stomped off to grocery store, pissed as heck. Wondering why I ever got married. Where was my extra support while I'm in nursing school, angry mutterings and on and on.

Projects due first week of December, test Thursday, Test Monday, clinical again Tuesday and then I keel over with a stroke.

Tomorrow

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Tomorrow is my second clinical. I'll be on geropsych again. I like it there and I get to work with Bruce who is officially the nicest person in our nursing class. He's also 6ft4inches so if any of the crazies try to take me out I know he has my back.

The National hospital accreditation committee is also at the hospital this week. I'm so glad I'm working evenings.

Hopefully my clinical teacher won't be major league stressed by tomorrow night.

I'm feeling a little anxious but I'm sure I'll get over that.

Today I sat through a thrilling lecture on a subject I cannot remember 12 hours later. Then we had 3 hours until a pharmacology lecture on adrenal meds. Next a quick test on abbreviations and their meanings and then I was out of there.

I'm not exactly sure why I am feeling out of sorts but people kept asking me what was wrong with me because I was so quiet. I just had nothing to say.

On my way home my carpool partner, in the US for all of 4 years, gave a lovely 20 minutes psychoanalysis on Barack Obama based on his 60 minutes interview and other media sightings. I bit my tongue to shreds.

Maybe I wrong but I was completely insulted. She postulated that he married his ugly(her words) wife because there was so much prejudice at the time they married so he couldn't find a prettier white woman. Yeah. I almost kicked her out of my car.

Yes, in her culture brains count for nothing in the marriage dowry game.

I did make a comment that sometimes one cannot help whom he falls in love with. Personally I think Michelle is attractive, fun and brilliant.

Then because he mentioned depression or they asked him a question, she asked me why he would be depressed. I'm like how would I know? So she told me it was because he grew up with no father or brothers and because his grandma just died. OKay Dr. Frueudhary.

What do you all think of this psychoanalysis?

I am surprised I wasn't drowning in my own blood. From nearly biting my tongue off. Who knew I could be diplomatic? Snort.

I remember what it is like being trapped in the car with an obnoxious toddler............

Wondering

I have spent many hours , in the past 22 years, why I ever got married. Today after a week of disliking each other immensely, I realized I have no clue why I got married. Worse I don't know why I'm staying married. The dude is driving me nuts.

The man who told me he wasn't sure I could make it in the nursing program because I quit too easy(??got me never figured that one out) and because I'm not in the best physical shape.

Fool, I have straight A's, got that? STRAIGHT A'S! Barely making the grade.

I have yet to harm anyone in clinical. I have not been kicked out because of my obnoxious personality.

Poor spouse. Even if I was miserable I wouldn't leave the program cuz I am proving your ass to be wrong, wrong, WRONG!

I am clueless when my spouse began to look at me as if I wasn't good enough. During the great Janice Grief depression? When we(constantly) disagreed on discipline for the boys. He says it's because I had to take alg 2 3 times.

Now a quitter would have only taken it once. I took it three times to get the grade I needed and I ended up with a 100% on the final. No failure when you pass the class and get your AA.

I feel like we're at war and I have idea why. But whatever I do or don't do(no winning here) I'll get fly by nasty comments. I don't know if he has other worries besides me but I am target central.

I never try to make him feel bad. Why does he do it to me?

How many months until August 2009? Where did all my support go?

Sleepy Saturday

This is exactly how Mount Rainier looks today. Covered with much snow, brightly white capped and seemingly harmless. If you tried to climb Rainier, you better be an expert ice/snow climber who knows exactly what they are doing. Or you end up falling into a glacier crevice, frozen to death or fall off a long steep cliff. It does look pretty in the distance.

Many things look different from their realities. One of those huge life lessons.

Have a peaceful and glorious Sunday my friends!!!

Week's End and Good Grades

Got my test scores back today. Stand back! 96% on the hardest pharm test yet and a 99% on my fundamentals tests. YEEHAW! I studied about 9 different topics for the fundamentals and the questions covered two. Frustrating.

At least my work is getting good results that makes me feel less useless. So much theory that we will probably not use in real life nursing. I did not know how much I liked concrete versus theory. At least in this subject.

I have an article review due Monday but nothing urgent so I will study when I feel like it this weekend.

I came home and slept for four hours today. I am astonished how exhausting thinking and drama can wear me out.

My grief has lessened, the crying helped. It usually does. Andria I am sure your niece has found many babies to cuddle and I know Brennan is whole in heaven as well. :)

I truly am thankful to have my internet friends to talk to and to give me feedback. I am not a nutso crazy mom who never moved on. I have moved on, mostly, it just visits now and again.

Love to you all. Peace and joy for your weekend. :)

I wonder...

I wonder why I watched ER tonight as it told the story of the new ER Chief and how her son died in the very ER she works in?

I know why tears are running down my cheeks...

I know I could relate to the character said she had wished to die so she could be with her son in heaven...

I wonder why I am becoming a nurse...

I wonder why I put up with baloney that comes with nursing school...

I continue to wonder why innocent pure children suffer every day...

I will always wonder...

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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It's been a low kind of day. Even though it was 13 years ago, some days, here and there, the grief can still slam me to the ground.

The all day unceasing rain did not help.

At least it doesn't last very long anymore.

I should be fine by tomorrow or Friday. ;) HUGS to you all.

Ramblings of A Twisted Mind

The funny green thing up there is just a weird thing I like. Love it or click away.

I just wasted an hour of my life watching Extreme Loggers on the Discovery channel. Why?, you ask? Because my spouse secretly enjoys torturing me by watching inane, annoying and just plain stupid tv shows because he knows how much I detest what I call IQ lowering television. Some of us can afford to lose an IQ point or two, some of us can't.

I could have walked out of the room. Problem is there are few other places in my home besides my bedroom or my dining room to get away from the tv. My family room is the place I made comfy and an oasis in my world of testosterone dripping Y chromosomes. It's my ocean themed forget I'm in nursing school room. Too bad I have to share it.

The Y chromosomes only appreciate rooms where they can leave trash on the floor, scream into their headsets whiles playing IQ lowering games. Spouse doesn't leave trash, he just uses his passive/aggressive ways to irk me.

I'm training to be a nurse who will care for sick people. Does it make me evil if I want to shove a hose up my spouse's sinuses to clear them out so he'll stop coughing and snorting and gagging? He's driving me insane.

A part of my brain is asking myself why am I here? I can't answer. I don't know the answer.

I need to go read some more exciting info about sepsis, infection control measures, MRSA, c.difficile, the cycle of infection, the stages of inflammation and how the elderly deal with infection differently that the rest of the population.

Have a lovely Wednesday. One of us should.

Heads or Tails: Wear

HOT: Wear

This is what I wear to my clinicals. My scrubs are a lovely teal green and all the women looks good in this color. I look like the great teal whale, but it does flatter my youthful looking face.

I also am supposed to wear a white 3/5 length lab coat. Lab coats give you extra pockets are awesome but lab coats are also very warm and the hospital keeps their temperatures fairly high. Not to mention all white leather shoes and white knee high socks.

My scrub top is a tunic with two huge pockets that have inner pockets in them for my pen light, notebook, stethoscope, various sundries that we student nurses are required to carry.

My pants also have two deep lovely pockets. I love all the pockets, make my life much easier.

I have been considering wearing scrubs 24/7 because they are comfy and practical. They hold lots o' loot as well.

My other wear definition is nursing school stress is beginning to wear upon me and my class. It's not easy being in nursing school. I am thrilled to have Tuesday and Wednesday off this week.

We have two classroom instructors who are very different from one another. Julia is our director and gives extra credit questions on tests. Dr.M is new and came from a university environment. No extra credit plus she's not willing to negotiate on questions on tests even of she did word them like someone who lived in the woods of Idaho or perhaps Arkansas. :P

My classmates are confused, it's difficult to find a groove in studying for these off the wall tests. We are weary.

I'll shop whining before I begin to wear upon your good natures. :) Hugs to all

I ROCK!

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I just saved a poor little old lady from being sent to a nursing home. She did not have dementia, she was suffering from dehydration(which can mimic dementia in the elderly) and a probable toxic dose of digoxin. YEAH! Mrs. Smith can stay in he happy home.

We have not studied the elderly in class but rocking Janice remembers this kind of trivia plus I spent last week in geropsych and several of our patients on the floor were not demented just has a too high blood sugar, pain they could not define, dehydration and I also know infection can cause symptoms of dementia.

I love it when I ace a homework assignment. YES I do. I liked being on the geropsych floor. It's almost a puzzle to figure out what would best help the patients. Kinda cool.

I get to deal with Traumatic brain injury and schizophrenics(medicated) next quarter. I seem to have a knack for psych, in so far as I know.

My brain is still intact but we have 4 more weeks to go this quarter. My brains might be quite decorative on the walls. Ya just never know.

I Feel the Need for Speed (Studying)

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Pharmacology test alert. Tomorrow at 1p.m. Pacific Time I'll need to know about neuroleptic drugs, anti-depressants, antiepileptics, anti-Parkinsonians, cholinergics and anti-cholinergics and their effects on the brain/body, why, how, when, where,what, therapeutic ranges of all previously mentioned meds, etc.

My director is our nursing fundamentals teacher every other week. Friday she added tons of new info I need to know by Thursday. More reading for me.

Not to mention the pre-reading for this week's fundamental topics.

Memorizing all those fun medical abbreviations for charting.

Time to get serious. Have a fun Sunday and pray my brain doesn't explode all over my walls. :P

Sick and Tired

Have a nasty virus. Missed school Friday, slept all day. Spouse is sick too.

Teens left sinking sink at 10a.m. as they're suck loving children.

Got schedule for next quater. No more sleeping for me. This is gonna be very hard. Two days a week up before 6a.m. Whoa is me.......................

Back to lying on couch and zonking out as I have a test to study for tomorrow along with many many pages of reading.

I wish you all a much nicer weekend than mine! HUGS!

Thursday Thrills

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My day had been one thrill after another. My heart is tired from all this adrenaline. Yeah. I wish.

Got up at 7, took son to school, came home and took a shower so my fellows students wouldn't run away from me. I then proceeded to go pick up my stressed out car pool partner. Once again, Janice got to explain all the basic concepts of therapeutic communication and Eriksen's stages of psycho-social development, and typical infant development in the first year. We had that test at nine. EAZY-PEAZY.

Our only other class was pharmacology which Dr. M kindly held at 11a.m. so we would not have to hang around campus for 3 hours with nothing(except study which I am fairly current on) to do.

Got home by 12:30. YES! Watched it pour buckets 'o rain outside and eventually took a nap.

My 17yo came home and demanded I take him shopping for some nice clothes as he was in a open to the public assembly honoring veterans tonight. Silly me left my wallet in my clinical carpool mate's car. Rats. Dad got to take mr. drama(let's flirt with one girl while deciding if demanding girlfriend is worth his time) shopping. I kept on sleeping.

It was a really rough day. But someone had to handle it all. MOI!

Off to consider my case study that is due tomorrow. Yeehaw!

First Clinical

Yesterday was my first clinical day and I was assigned to Geropsych. This is a locked psychiatric ward for people over 60 with issues like dementia, dementia from physical/medical issues, depression or other psychiatric illnesses. Most patients stay 7-10 days to be assessed and attempts to get their psych meds adjusted so they are not under or over sedated.

One of the ladies I was assigned to sit and talk to, watch, was doing quite well. V had originally come in extremely agitated and combative which was unusual for her. She should have gone home today. Her issue was actually too little pain medication that manifested in a temporarily psychotic state. She was a lovely woman, somewhere in her 80's, who told me about voting in the depression.

One of my clinical classmates was very nervous about working on a psych floor. Poor thing is all of 26 years old with no psych experience. The patients tend to wander around and my classmate would turn to find herself being followed closely. The first time it happened she turned white. By the end of the evening she was relaxed and fitting in well.

My other classmate got to assist in a hose down when a man, over medicated, overflowed his depends. It was my classmate, my clinical instructor, and 3 CNAs, all working together to get the poor guy cleaned up without agitating him. I missed all this fun. I am not sure how I missed it, but I did. Phew.

My 4 other classmates got to work harder on med/surg and the progressive care unit, a step down from intensive care. They had to do vitals, change diapers, measure urine, chart vitals, and run around to whatever their CNA wanted them to go. Rats. Missed that and will be on Geropsych next clinical as well.

We have next Tuesday off for Veteran's Day so I won't be back at the hospital until the 18th.

I think I got off pretty easily.

Finally

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All my "people" won. The Governor of WA, the congressperson from my district is now a Democrat, my local legislative folks are democrat, the government of Washington State is Democrat by an overwhelming majority.

I pray for better health care, better education for all, a better country than we have been for the previous eight year.

I have a sense of hope and promise.

Manic Monday

Made it through 3 hours of class when I received a call from 17yo........his hand cracked and popped during weight lifting. You know the one he had two casts on this summer?

Left early and missed pharm and computers and waited a long time at orthopedics office. He has a red cast now. No break could be seen, but they casted him anyway because it was swollen and quite painful.

Now he's sitting here telling me about the major dram between him, his gf and his best friend who's siding with gf. Bad news.

Head games. How do we live without them? Thankfully.

First clinical in hospital tomorrow. I'll be on geropsych so it should be quite the learning experience. Hopefully I won't harm anyone.....(anxiety)

We shadowing CNA's so I can't kill anyone since we'll not be doing meds yet.
Phew! Aren't ya glad you're not a patient of mine?

See ya'll later. Gotta go empathize about bad best friends and annoying girls. Yeehaw. :P

Studying Sunday

I am now well informed about anti-epileptic drugs, anti-Parkinson's drugs,anti-depressants/psychotropic drugs. Yeehaw. That was an entertaining 75 minutes of studying. Knot.

I also reviewed infant and adolescent development, Erikson's psycho-dynamic development theory, and then I read a bunch of developmental psych because I love the subject. Finally a topic I am very familiar with and feel knowledgeable about. I even understand the nursing diagnoses that go with these two age groups!

Did I ever mention I got a 3.8 in developmental psychology? (wink)I took it online and enjoyed the subject immensely. Dr.M was lecturing on infant development Friday and explained the most basic concepts as if no one in the class had ever taken psych. Yawn I thought. She gets condescending at times as if we were in 6th grade. I try very hard to pretend that doesn't irk me.

She gets all you all know nothing when discussing physiology sometimes. I just stare ahead while thinking: I have 4 quarters of A&P under my belt, the rest of the class has at least 2 quarters, and when will this lecture be ovah?

I am not saying saying she doesn't knows more than I do, because of course, she does. It's her presentation that lacks finesse. She used to teach BSN candidates, you'd think she would be a better, more in touch with her students, type of instructor. She has a doctorate in adult education.........why does she teach down?

I spent over an hour yesterday trying to explain developmental theories to my carpool partner yesterday. The woman is very bright but was born and raised in India. Her cultural background is completely opposite than a typical middle class American. I still have not explained critical thinking well enough that she truly understands. She has a degree in science from India...and calls our nursing fundamentals class an "english" class because it's all theory, not black/white science. I feel for her. I couldn't go to India and be in college speaking Hindi in 4 years let alone comprehending theory.

Her culture is so far from ours. It reminds me how glad I am to be a woman in America. Ladies we have it good compared to most parts of the world!!!

Love yas and I need to go find double check and see if I missed any reading I need for tomorrow's five looooooooooooong hours of class. Smooches.

Friday Freedom

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FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Two whole days plus an extra hour before I go back to the nuthouse aka nursing school. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

No tests or papers due until next Thursday. Breath. Deeply. Relax.

I received a 103% on the test we took yesterday. BOOYAH! The whole class was freaking out because they studied other chapters while I read the right chapter in the 30 minutes before the test. Pure luck and maybe 10% instinct.

The disorganized folks made me forget there will be an end to this torture in August. 5 weeks plus finals until a month off. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It is difficult to shift through the BS to remember the entire point~I want to help people. Help them to feel cared about. To not feel alone. Help them to understand why they are ill, how they can take control of their own health. To help them feel empowered, important, relevant to their own lives.

Refocus time. I know I will have these times I am frustrated and irritated. I will also have times that I feel great. Smart. Like I am moving along in my own life.

I forgot the journey can get bumpy and painful and exhausting. Several days.

I am going to do this even if I whine through most of it. I have to prove spouse wrong. (evil grin) Not to mention prove myself right.

Off to sleep away the night and the morning and maybe half the afternoon.

Why? Because I can. :) Hugs to all my readers/friends.

Things Fall Apart

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Most folks did not get the soylent green reference Erica, I am sure. Who can forget Charleton Heston discovering that people were being ground up for nutritious food called soylent green? Probably anyone younger than 40. :P

My fellow student have most likely not read "Things Fall Apart" by Achebe either. What relevance does apartheid have to anyone? Snerk. People are missing out on great literature now that No Child Left Behind Act is forcing schools to teach non fiction reading and writing. Who needs literature and history? (Sneer)

Onto my absolutely terrible no good day: First up Nursing delivery Systems lecture that was almost incoherent. Second test 4 for nursing fundamentals. Oh my surprise! The test was based on chapter 17 when everyone studied chapters 24 and 25! I happened to review chapter 17 the 30 minutes before the test and finished first. I was lucky. Everyone else was a combo of peeved, completely confused and upset cuz they had to guess on many questions. Then there was our second half of fundamentals lecture; the lecture did not continue where we left off Monday, we got new power points and a different topic and a CD that froze up every 23 seconds. OK kiddies what did the 26 of us learn from that hour? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

This is when I realized I have spent $1200 dollars to be taught be folks who are disorganized, not communicating with one another, and politics don't belong inside the curriculum. Some of my pals were laughing as opposed to crying. This is our careers they're messing up!

It's like being in Bill and Ted's nursing adventure classes! WooHoo. Onto Friday and I just can't wait what delights they have planned for tomorrow.

Wednesday Wanderings

It's very hard going through each day with no pats on the back. No praise or thata girl. Why do they expect our inner motivation to be enough? Every now and again a simple "nice job" would mean so much.

Maybe it's harder for me because I get little props at home. No hey thanks for going grocery shopping. No allright you started the dishwasher! Nope, I got a did you skip classes today? I DON'T SKIP classes Moron. The only reason I missed one day of class is because I had a freaking "Oh my Lord PLEASE kill me now migraine".

This is nursing school. One does not opt out of a day of classes. Not if one wants to do their best.

I have to admit that after 3 years of hard and painstaking work to get into nursing school I'm beginning to wonder if this is it?

Was I wrong about the pathway I felt God was leading me on? Maybe He didn't hear me all those years I was trying to figure out my purpose in life. Was I just on earth to reproduce and then be made into nutritious soylent green?

I am beginning to channel Jean-Paul Sartre, which is freakin' ass scary! I tell ya! Out of the 25 other students in my nursing class, maybe 3, know who Sartre is, was. If that many. Maybe that tells you how well I fit in. Hardee har har.

Yet I don't know that I fit in any where, so nursing school is as good of a place as any, for now.

If not McDonalds, perhaps the Peace Corps?

CHOKED!

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I had clinical lab today. We're going over physical assessment. It's all pretty basic. Nothing too complex or difficult and what do I do? Choke

I couldn't hear my "patient's" blood pressure after 5 tries. The first try my ear thingies were in backwards.

The second try I had the bell tuned in instead of the wide part. DERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

The third, fourth and fifth time I heard nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Silence.

I also got an 88% on my second pharm test which sucks royally.

I'm thinking McDonald's is looking up for my lifetime career goal.

Monotonous Monday

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Just another Monday. Pharm test with several out of nowhere questions. I hate those! I did get 25 out of 25 on my case study paper that write 30 minutes before class. ;)

I told my car pool partner no going over test questions on the way home so we talked about the ER story one of our classmates was telling, rated R or maybe X, when the director walked up behind him. Right after he said a body orifice name, she said, "Good afternoon _______". We all burst out laughing and couldn't stop. It was lunchtime and he didn't see her come in the room. Best moment of the day.

Nurses Are The True Backbone

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If you have never learned about the Nursing Process, and if you're not a nurse chances are you have no clue, go look it up.

Nurses are not just there to pat the patient on the hand and say "There, there". Nurses learn more about pharmacology that you'd ever guess. You see we need to know how those medications work in your body just as much as doctors do.

Nurses educate about wellness and ways to keep from ever being in the hospital again.

Nurses care about you while you're right there in front of them and they care about what will happen to you after you leave.

Nurses are so much more than you ever imagined. So go google "The Nursing Process" and learn about just one of the complex types of care they do for you.

Friday

HOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!! It's the weekend.

94.7% on last Fundamentals test. Out of the two classes we're regularly graded in, I have a 92% average and a 98.5% average. I'm so upset with my lack of initiative in my studies.............bwahahahaha.

Wishing ya an awesome weekend!!

<3

Over My Shoulder

I'm feeling slightly persecuted today. I had a "talk" with my clinical instructor last week after class. She informed me she was representing the entire faculty plus some of the students.

She discusses my need to be more self aware of what I discuss and what is considered professional. I was told, in essence, I needed to be quieter, less verbal in class and careful about what I discussed. I was like SAY WHAT?

I found out today one of the faculty members was totally unaware of the talk. I don't like being misled. Not at all. This faculty member encourages me to answer questions especially when no one else volunteers.

I feel discouraged. I feel like I'm being singled out for no other reason that someone doesn't like me. I have no proof, just my instincts.

There are several folks in the class who tell personal stories all the time during lessons. One guy never shuts up. I won't even make eye contact with a specific teacher. I sit there, listen, learn and don't say a word.

In the beginning, we were told we could bring issues to any faculty member without worrying about being considered a whiner. LIES.

Luckily for me, I think the teacher who likes me and appreciates my desire to learn, will be my instructor for 2, maybe all 3 of my classes outside of clinicals.

The deck we're playing with is marked. I am watching my back carefully and trying not to resent how unfair this seems to be.

Whatever. The game is on. I have all A's and no one will have any excuse to discipline me. FYI, little chat wasn't discipline, just informative, not on my record~except I know it's recorded on one instructor's internal record.

My World

glitter-graphics.com

Should be studying but my eyes are starting to blur and water and right now I just don't give a damn about the Nursing Process in excessive detail. Talk about making one's head spin!

Someone decided 30-40 years ago to make nursing more complex. I think it was to give nurses credit for everything they do. What it really does is drives nursing students insane so the nursing shortage keeps getting bigger and bigger!

Talk about a bunch of educational jargon used to totally f up a fairly easy concept. There's way too much rhetoric and huge words like conceptualizing that are not necessary. Maybe a person earned their Ph.D doing this cuz it's all about as interesting as some idjit dissertation. Oh gosh spare me from dissertations.

I am learning things about myself from this program. I can fake a test pretty well when I have to. I'm terrified, classifying me as a chicken, to start clinicals in a real hospital working with (gasp!) real people. I am smart, really smart. However, I cannot show my knowledge without being called out by big brother because I need to "group think".

I am not as motivated as I had expected myself to be, but I'm writing that off as general laziness for now. I have learned that people who act one way may be thinking something entirely different. I can't trust anyone but you bloggy pals with my true thoughts and I edit them here as well.

I still have my twisted sense of humor and my cock eyed way of viewing the silly but constant irony I see around me. It is constant. IRONY and agony~Nursing School by a secret student is to be my new tell all book to be published in time for next summer. Look for it!!!

Hear My Heart Beat

We listened to heartbeats tonight. Let me tell you, the better the scope, the better you hear. Never let anyone talk you into a cheap scope. Waste 'o' money. My Littman is awesome and with practice I'm learning what to listen for.

We also did lung sounds. Bruce, the only guy in our clinical group got listened to by everyone after I caught him wheezing in his upper left lung quadrant. Hey, we'll do anything to listen to out of the ordinary lung sounds!!!

The heart is such a cool part of our body and fascinating to listen to from different people.

I worked up my kids and my spouse's vital signs yesterday. In fact, I forced them to let me take their pulses and to listen to their heart/lungs.

It's after 11:30p.m. as I was in clinical until after 9p.m. Hope you all had good Tuesdays and that your weeks are going along smoothly.

Hugs.

Chillin'

I'm just sitting here watching ER on TBS. I'll take a shower at 10a.m. and at 12 I've a hair appt.

At 2:30-whenever I have my last out of hospital clinical. I'll be freaking out big time next week.

I'm happy I'll be back with my regular group tonight. We have a sense of humor. Different from the other group. ;)

Tomorrow I have a day off school. I'll be studying for two tests.

I am appreciating all this time because next quarter I'll be taking 20 credits. yeehaw. 2 days of clinical, nursing fundamentals 4hours twice a week, pharm something for 2 hours and computer charting for 2 hours. My naps and sleeping days will be history. as will all my money that will be going to tuition.

Meandering Monday

Screw it. I just wrote a post anf Blogger ate it. I am too fried to rewrite it all.

Conformity & A Light Bulb

Haven't I been silly? Here I am enrolled in a program that is all about conformity. DUH is me. I have never been been all about conformity.

Nor have I been a total rebel. There have been times in my life I have wanted to "fit in" more than I can say. But I have never been the person who fits in completely. I have been an oval peg in a circle world. Slightly off, but not completely out of the loop.

Until this week, I had not realized nursing school is all about fitting into that round hole. Group thought. Everyone is equal. One MUST fit in. Anyone remember the novel 1984 by Orwell? Nursing school is analogous to an Orwellian world. Click. The light bulb turns on.

I'm 46 years old and I forgot programs like this existed. The first time I went to college I was a communications major at a science school. One of the best science schools. I had no interest in science in 1980. Nope. I enjoyed being in a "maverick" program at a stuffy computer, engineering, pre-med university. I was almost Bohemian. Snerk.

The reason I am not easily fitting into the mold of the nursing program begins to make complete sense. I have never been a "groupie" and I have never followed "groupie" rules if I did not agree with them.

I will pretend to fit in. I will act like a groupie. It has been made clear to me that I will not finish this program unless I play the game. It has taken me 5 weeks to get that message. Yeah, I'm kinda slow. Stop laughing at me.

I think I comprehend the mind set necessary. This doesn't mean I am giving in. This means I'm goal oriented enough to play the game for a year.

Watch me while I jump through some hoops in the next 10 months...

Things Nursing Students Need to KNow

Gratefully borrowed from Head Nurse

I did not have the best week in school so I love this post.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dammit, people like me!

So...new nursing students. How y'all feeling right now? Classes start in, what, three weeks? Two?


Got your shoes ready? Got your pens and pencils? Paper? Xanax? Good.


Following is a list of tips drawn from what I remember of my own school experience, back when the earth was still cooling:

1. You are smart enough to get through this.

You got in, right? That's no small task in a field where there are anywhere from 30 to 200 applicants for every slot in nursing school. Rest assured that if you were smart enough to get in, you will be smart enough to finish--and finish *well*--provided you remember one thing:

2. This may be the hardest work you've ever put in in your life.

I've heard from doctors who became nurses and nurses who became doctors that nursing school is harder than med school by a country mile. This is not because doctors don't learn as much, but simply because nursing school is compressed into about half the time. Even if you're getting a BSN, the nursing-clinical-focused coursework will only take up about the last three semesters of your schooling. If you're going through a bridge or two-year program, you'll have to hit the ground at a dead run. Therefore...

3. Do a little every day. Do a lot when you can.

I cannot stress enough how important time management is for nursing students (and nurses!). Set up good habits early on and they will see you through the last semester when you can't eat, can't sleep, and can't remember who that person is that you promised to love and cherish until death. Do Not Put Off Studying. Also, Don't Study Too Far Ahead. Set yourself a goal of, say, three chapters of thus-and-so every night--one review of the last class period's material, one of today's material, and a quick run-through of next week's--and stick to it. Do this every damn night. No exceptions. It's only for a couple of years; you can go dancing later. That said,

4. Schedule something non-nursing related every week, even if it's only a movie.

Otherwise you'll turn into a Nursing School Automaton like I did. You'll lose weight, sanity, sleep, and perspective. That last is most important, because...

5. No matter what they tell you, this is not the be-all and end-all.

You get brainwashed into thinking, in nursing school, that this is the most noble, valuable, challenging (morally, ethically, intellectually) thing you could do; that it's the pinnacle of everything everybody everywhere has ever done.
I call bullshit.
Nursing school is a weird cross between professional training and entering a convent. You get your own language, clothing, and ceremonies, true...but there is a world out there outside of nursing. Try not to get so buried that you lose the ability to laugh at yourself, your professors, and the utter silliness of most care plans.

6. You will meet asshole instructors.

Unfortunately, (and here I put on my flame-proof Big Girl Panties), there are nursing instructors out there who either got totally disgusted with the profession and are bitter, or who couldn't make it as floor nurses for one reason or another, and are bitter. With luck, you'll only run into one during your schooling--but you *will* run into one. Keep your head down, do your work, and try to avoid antagonizing that person. He or she can't help what she or he is.

7. You will meet crazies.

Both in school and out of it, you will meet people who are absolutely mad as pants. If that person is a classmate, try to be polite but distant: You do not need any emotional drama while you're going through school. (Also, avoid gossiping and joining one faction over another. It's lonelier, but you'll be glad you stayed aloof when the crap hits the creamer.) If that person who's crazy as a pet raccoon happens to be a floor nurse or a patient to whom you're assigned, see tips from #6 for conflict avoidance.

8. If you meet a nurse whom you'd like as a mentor, say so right then.

I get requests from nursing students for my email address after I've worked with 'em a couple of days. I always give 'em the address. Having a shoulder to lean on, a more experienced person to bounce things off of, or a mentor can make a hell of a difference in your sanity. And please be aware, beloved students, of this caveat: If I tell you you shouldn't work with me after you've worked with me for three sessions, it's not because I don't like you. It's because, this early in your training, you need to see a variety of work styles, time-saving tricks, and management skills. Don't get into a rut too soon.

9. Along with "Don't get into a rut too soon", don't make up your mind what you want to do too soon.

I was *sure* I would be the world's most ass-kickingest women's health NP when I finished school. I interviewed at Sunnydale General on a total lark and ended up taking the job, also as a total lark. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made--probably not as smart as leaving my husband, but certainly in the top five. Go on at least one wacked-out job interview that you'd never consider actually accepting, be it to Medecins Sans Frontieres or to County General Hellhole. See where that takes you. You might find that you were really cut out to be a neuro nurse rather than an oncology nurse, or that working in the jungles brings you great joy. And, keep in mind that if you hate the whole process and are miserable,

10. You can always leave. Leaving nursing does not mean you're a failure.

Nursing is not for everybody. Every student finds him/herself dreading clinicals and tests, yes, but there's a general consensus that the end result will be worth the trouble. If you find yourself contemplating a career in nursing with nothing more than misery and despair, for God's sake get out now and find something else to do. It will not necessarily make you as much money or give you as much prestige (stop snickering), but money and prestige are empty cups when you cry every morning as you slap on mascara.

If you *do* get partway through your training and decide to quit, everybody you're leaving behind will look at you with pitying incomprehension. You won't be able to speak the same language as they do any more. You might not keep in touch with all your old buddies. Don't let it get to you. The important thing is that you do what makes you look forward to getting up in the morning.