I dislike being played for a fool.
It has something to do with pride and my fluctuating self-esteem I think.
But I really dislike being humiliated.
I am the sacrifice.
About 10 days ago the place I work for hired an RN to be the Director of Nursing behind my back.
Had I done anything wrong? Did I deserve to be demoted?
Nope.
I am the sacrifice.
State came in right as I agreed to be the DON.
Related to events that had occurred the previous few months the state put our facility in stop placement.
That means we could not admit any new residents until the state decided we were following all the rules.
My boss's and my, by default, jobs were on the line.
I knew they had placed ads on Craigslist.
What I did not know is my boss was a part of a plan to replace me as a part of the plan of corrections we had to send to state so we could get out of stop placement.
He told me he had no knowledge of this.
He lied.
He saved his ass and his girlfriend's job by sacrificing me to the corporate honchos.
(Yes, she works at the same facility.)
It looks as if I was replaced because I could not handle the job.
It looks like I failed.
I did fail.
I failed to perceive the ambition and desperation of my boss. A person who I used to supervise, a person I thought was nominally my friend.
Once again, my desire to believe people are basically good put me in a humiliating and extremely frustrating place.
I am, once again, non management. The nurse.
He doesn't even realize I figured out the whole charade.
I want to walk out the door but my ever supportive spouse pointed out I make the most money and we need to pay rent.
Thanks darling. Once again you cower behind me. I am not surprised but I am disgusted.
The joke was on me.
I feel the way I felt in seventh grade when one of my best friends told me we could not hang out together because, well, because I wasn't "cool" enough and she was going to be a j.v. cheerleader.
Whoa! The floor just vanished.
I feel alone.
I feel betrayed on several levels.
I feel trapped.
Some things never change.
