Thoughts from The Twisted Terror

My blog doesn't really fit into any "category" in my opinion. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to product review a discreetly named , um, penis ring. Bwahahahahahaha. I did not even know things like this existed until my now teenage boys mentioned one a few years ago. It was something they had seen in a well known "gift" shop one finds in malls. I grew up in the Mid-West PEOPLE! I was a good Catholic girl who considered joining a convent when I was 12! Penis rings made of tanzanite. Oh and "gold". Yeah, okay. Shore.

The requesting site was relatively innocuously named so I checked it out. And burst out laughing. My children live in a Viagra world. That's really sad if you take the time to think about it.

In the same "gift" store in the mall they also saw a whale condom. Yes, a condom sized for a beluga. I thought we were encouraging the growth of whale pods? Wouldn't this be UNgreen?

Geez, I think the dirtiest thing I ever found growing up was the book, "The Joy of Sex" by Alex Comfort. That's the how to book all the non-swinging couples' of the 70's bought. Even the drawing were correct and somehow completely boring. My parents were more Catholic than me.

My mom did tell me a story where they ended up at a "key" party, where everyone throws their house key into a big bowl and the men pick out different keys and go home with the wife that owns the keys. I hear tell my parents left in 60 seconds.

America is so weird!

I wonder what kind of product reviews blogs such as The Queen of Shake-Shake receive? (She uses much stranger subjects and words than I do so I know her blog is referred by Google to pervs way more often than mine. ;)

Going to the Ocean!!!!

I may be paying for this emotionally for months but I don't care!! We're going to the ocean. The mighty Pacific. Da Beach. Less than 3 hours away. Water, water everywhere! YEEHAWWW!

Spur of the moment I decided and then asked BBB, since he'd have to go with us, and then asked Geo who's been asleep for 2 hours...yup sneeaky. Hahahahehehehehe.

I'm going to the ocean in a small suite with a beach balcony. 3 separate tvs. Mini-bar like a movie star. (Very silly grin on my face)

I haven't been to the beach for 8 or nine years. I was supposed to go with my friend for my birthday but that didn't work out.

I'm going and I'm staying in what counts for luxury at the Shilo Inn Resort and Hotel. Room service. Swimming pool. Restaurant on the premises. Kite flying. Bike riding. Sea glass seeking. Sea glass is one of my all time favorite things in the galaxy. Walking on the beach(most likely alone) in the rain.

Rain doesn't scare me. I glorify in the rain washing my glasses for me. Who needs to see?

So it'll be in the low 60's. Ya'll know I ADORE these temperatures. Sand. Sand. Sand. I'm making me a sea castle and I don't care who thinks I'm immature. :P Note to self: buy mega cheap pail and shovel at Rite Aid summer sale before Friday. I'm gonna dig to China and go swimming in the Water Cube. Lalalalalalalala.

It's only almost 700 bucks we really don't have but for once I don't care. We won't starve. I need this so bad. I've needed this for the past 3-4 years. The ocean waves will cleans the dredges out from my heart and mind. Swish them away like sands through the hourglass..........(name that soap opera)!

BBB is having a rough year and things are getting messed with the gf so he and I will try to demystify spoiled 16yo girls who think he's not happy and frothy enough. (I don't raise my kids to be frothy, sorry) We will find him someone to flirt sweet;y and innocently with. He's a great kid with ethics and he current GF's ethics are a shade more shady. It's hard for him to play the head games and the stupidity and passion that is teen love.

THREE days at the ocean with his parents. I love this place people. He doesn't remember it, but he's going to relax and love it too. Even if I have to hide his cell phone.

BPB has his own plays and please pray that the house is still standing and not covered in alcohol and whores when we get home.


WHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Missing

Missing: One Father with emotional experience and empathy. A father who can communicate with his sons in a typical manner and who can at least try to comfort and advise said sons without yelling or lecturing. A father with a half way open mind, a minimal range of emotions and a touch of compassion.

My sons are missing a man to look up to, to model themselves after, to trust and a father who makes them feel safe emotionally and physically.

Do not choose the father of your children based on lust and naivete. Never date/marry a man channels Stalin oops! I mean his own limited, hateful, self-centered father.

Long day, really almost an endless day.

The End Of Innocence and Suspended Animation

Got jolted out of my waiting phase today. Now statins from doctor. Kill me now, can't eat anything fun.

My Senior is in the midst of a huge fight with his girlfriend. He cried in my arms. He said he can barely stand the pain. I remember the pain. Vividly.

He keeps asking me how he can do this? I have no answers. You get your heart ripped out and it is agonizingly painful.

Mommy can't really make it better.

I want to hide under the cover of my bed for the next two days.

Waiting...

Waiting for the summer to wind down.

Waiting for the Senior to start school.

Waiting for the Oldest to get a job.

Waiting for nursing school to begin.

Spending my time waiting, calmly, for the new, the unexplored, the future.

Who I'm Not

This is a post I started months ago. I will keeping adding what I'm not until I am. Or not.


I am not a Stepford wife.
I am not Holly Homemaker.
I am not spouse's mother.
Not a doormat.
Not a cleaning lady.
Not Happy or unhappy.
Not a wimp.
Not a math person. Damn algebra to hell.
Not a bot.
Not a failure.
Not weak.
Not a coward.
Not shy.
Not happy to be alone.
Not old.
Not young.
Not always practical.
Not boring.
Not conceited.
Not ugly.
Not immune to love.
Not unempathetic.
Not conservative.
Not stupid.
Not unaware.
Not archaic.
Not coordinated!
Not hard.
Not ungrateful.
Not pliable.
Not hideous.
Not avaricious.
Not serious.
Not morose.
Not anal.
Not a paragon.
Not specifically virtuous.
Not unentertaining.
Not not silly.
Not simple.
Not finished...

What aren't you?

Share Your Lack Of Humor Somedays

Even on my sad days, I have a twinkle of twisted humor. These stuffed microbes are the aquatics groups from GiantMicrobes.com. I find the algae too cute for words as I used to be a lifeguard, swimmer, instructor, pool caretaker.

I'm obsessing about myself, selfishly, again. I'm wondering why I ever married. My spouse came home from his Cali trip the same way he did last summer. Cranky, surly and haunted within by his father's ghost. If I had known what my FIL was as a person, a father, a husband, I doubt I would have married. He caused much strife in our lives and my spouse's limitations are/were mostly caused by being raised by this man.

My oldest son has been screeched at. BPB needed a talking to but not in the manner it was received. I started getting critical comments within 12 hours of them arriving home.

The sad part of this is my spouse is not a bad guy, not a stupid guy, not a mean guy. He's just limited in his thinking.

I mentioned moving to Canada some day, just dreaming and I adore Eastern Canada. The response I received, "Not ever!" I 've mentioned Alaska several times and got very negative responses. The guy has only lived on the west coast. It's normal that he's limited. But I have lived in New Jersey, Michigan, San Diego, Southern Cal, NW interior of WA and the 'burbs of Seattle. I've visited all over New England, Niagara Falls, Eastern Canada and almost lived in Toronto for the years we lived in MI because my mom's family lives there.

I think of going past RN to ARPN or perhaps a researcher in pain control. He seems to think I'm being silly and have no idea of ever even trying this. Ph.D crosses my mind from time to time. Maybe studying at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia. I still dream. About many areas in my life. He can't see it nor can he understand it.

I think BIG. HUGE. Globally. Is that so bad? Maybe I want to do medical work with Doctors Without Borders, is that crazy? I'm 46 not 460.

I cannot see past the next year or so right now. Not with the two boys and the spouse.

Is the an unsolvable paradox?

Share Your Humor

There are times I share my skewered humor with friends or blog readers or ever strangers if I really think I'm funny.

I have a friend, Tammy, who's younger than me, and has metastatic breast cancer. I thought maybe I could help her shore up her sense of humor and her immune system. I sent her several pounds of cherries last month because they are full of anti-oxidents and phytochemicals. The cherries also reminded me of Erma Bombeck's book, If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I doing In The Pits? It was my mom's book yet even as a teenager Erma made me laugh.
GiantMicrobes.com

This little grey guy is a brain neuron. I sent another care package to Tammers and her favorite part was the brain neuron. I sent her an extra neuron because chemo-brain tends to leave one fuzzy and extra neurons are helpful. I told her the best thing to do was put the neuron on her head during chemo and meditate.......snerk. I just did not give her any ideas on what to think about.

I also sent paint brushes, markers, pastels, stickers, paper for her to draw whatever she felt like drawing. I figure when dealing with cancer, a certain amount of freedom is critical.

I sent a koosh gun with two koosh bullets so she could chase her teens and husband around with random koosh hits whenever she felt like it.

I sent play dough. 4 different colors. I truly believe playing with playdough can solve most of the world's problems. It also relaxes the person manipulating the playdough. I love playdough!

Candy was next cuz candy makes everyone feel better. Tam also got two glow in the dark necklaces(like they have at concerts) so she could be the Princess of the night.

Tam's husband Den and he two boys take care of her very well. Let's face it, they're men. I gave Tammy and her family a fun/giggle box to open and enjoy and it helped me to help them.

If you have a friend who needs some caring or love, send something. Just a card or pounds of cherries. :)

I am not so kind. I can't save the whole world but I can make my corner of it a better, more healing and loving place.

Is It Just Me.....?

Is it just me..........or does getting old really suck? I thought I was healthy, a little overweight, but joints are good, memory's pretty good, can still outsmart my teenagers.........wham! Hypertension. Nice to learn that since both sides of my family have aneurysms in their history that I'm pretty much screwed unless careful. Well damnit. How can I deny my age when something like this happens. (repeating in my head: I am 28, I am 28, I am 28, I am 28, I am 28)

Is it just me ........or do the Olympics seem boring? NBC packages what they think we want to see. Where were the girl's softball games? Where was baseball? Where were all 4 types of diving? Since when is trampolining a sport? Why aren't we getting some nice Chinese sponsored history travelogues.

Is it just me or.......who cares who the vice presidential candidates will be? YAWN. Let's keep dragging it out as they present names of senators I've never heard of or wish I'd never heard of. I want Hillary for VP!

Is it just me or are companies passing on the inflation to us faster than usual? There ounces less cereal in my boxes. School lunch prices are almost doubling. Our school district hide all the paper so students will have to bring their own. Too bad, so sad if they forget. Maybe if our Superintendent fired one or two of her "assistants" our children could have paper.

Is it just me..........or do political commercials put you to sleep as well?

Is it just me......or does this summer seem less fun than usual?

Is it just me.........or does moving to Canada look better and better?(Hey, I'm half-Canadian)

Is it just me..............or do all the new reality shows on the networks look like rip offs from the Discovery Channel, The History Channel, The National Geographic Channel? The Networks don't know the meaning of the word creative or original.

Is it just me.....or are we all getting more cynical?

Who Put A Virus in My Microbes?

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At least I'd die happy.........snerk. My tetanus shot is slowly healing but now I caught some evil virus. Why do I get sick when I'm out of school? Anyone know?

My life is now As The Stomachs Gurgles. Anyone wanna switch lives?

I could be much worse that a sore lower back, some intestinal pain and being extra tired. But I sure hope Spouse goes to work tomorrow. :P

It is still in the 80's yet I hear rumors it will cool down in the next day or two.

Love ya my friends. Sorry I'm boring as hell lately. Hugs (I'm wearing a mask of course.)

As The Microbe Turns

This dancing microbe is the nasty tetanus/pertussis vaccine that caused my joints to ache like a 90 year old's. I also had a lovely fever and a light headache. It was delightful. Right now my upper muscle of my right arm looks like my older brother punched me 49 times. HUGE bruise and the lovely hues if red, pink, brown and purple.

It was invigorating doing my nutrition project in the overly warm weather. It was in the 90's yesterday and high 80's today. Despite my aches, pains, bruises and overall bitchy attitude I have finished my math final and now am the owner of an Associates Degree(transfer).

No obligatory studying expected until late September. I had my A/C on today and slept on and off. Still recovering from the evil vaccine. I did not have the energy to read so I watched the Olympics and dozed through several other shows. Right now I'm watching Men In Black. One of my favs.

Spouse and spawn should be home around midnight-one a.m. They spent last night in San Francisco. Kid has "shopping" to do at Stussy(if you do not know who Stussy is, I can't explain how completely uncool you are). Fashion boy had other too cool for the rest of stores to visit as well. My fashionista son?

Older spawn left all day and just came in smelling like car parts. I suggested a shower. A very long shower.

See ya'll in the flip side and I appreciate all the prayers and well wishes and congrats. Smooches to all and huggles to my favs!!!!!!!!!!

Almost Ovah!!!!!!!!!!!

Nune yas got close ot my book/programs cost. It's in betwwen $300 and $1000. My 'scope was $90 but that's not part of the contest.

Did ya'll know a side effect of tetanus shots is joints aches? Me neither. I feel like I've had arthrtis for the past 3 days. My poor mother how did she live with the pain?

We're having a heat wave~again. Temps to be in the 90's. I thrilled. Absolutely, sweatily,very uncomfortably thrilled.

I did well on my nutrition final. I'm guess my grade is there is an A- aka 3.5-3.6. I'm so extremly excited that the class is over. Summer quarter all seems much long than 8 weeks.

Those of us who care about me send extra smart vibes and prayers at 1P.M. today or 4P.M. Eastern Time. That's my math final. I need to go write those crib note the teacher's allowing
us.


Then I'm fini, done, over, relaxed for 5 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funky Monkey

I don't know if it's because I miss my spouse(who knew?) or because it's finals week and I have deadlines literally looming over my head, or being silly about the hbp thing, or the humid weather or what....but I am one cranky mama.

I know the key to managing hbp is dealing with it early before any damage occurs and since both sides of the family have histories of hbp and aneurysms that taking a little pill isn't a huge thing. I will also be exercising(already have a plan with Patty to walk during our two hour lunch break) and my diet has changed dramatically since I've been taking nutrition. Not that all the fruit and veggies has helped me lose any weight. Not an ounce. I'm talking raw fruit, streamed veggies, carrots and celery, sigh.

I think the surprise factor threw me off. I've always had low or normal bp. Come on peeps we all know I've been under stress for the past 12 years of my life.

The medical assistant(is this legal?) who gave me my tetanus shot left a 2 inch bruise. I never bruised from a TDAP shot before. My tb test las a lovely little bruise as well. The blood lady took 6 vials of blood and left no mark at all.

I should be studying or writing my math notes that we can have with our final or finishing my nutrition project(kinda a busy work pain in the ass project). I DON'T WANT TO!!! Now I should stomp my feet and do shots of vodka........


Snort. No vodka. No alcohol. I may, however, stomp my feet when I finally go up to bed.

Let's play a game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How much did Janice's nursing programs for her PDA cost plus how much did Janice's nursing books for the first quarter cost?

(I won't ask you to guess uniform, stethoscope,name tag, shoes, lab coats etc costs since I'm not sure yet what they'll be)

The weiner, oh! I mean winner, will receive some really cool Northwest type present.

Start your guesses now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Sore, A Little Fragile

I went in yesterday afternoon to get my bloodwork done and to get my TB test and a tetanus shot. I got all those things. These took about 658 vials of blood and dang, my shoulder hurts.

I still have to start my Hep B series of vaccines and have more blood work after I've fasted.

What I left with that I did not expect was high blood pressure. My mother's family has a history of HBP and aneurysms and my paternal grandparents had HBP and aneurysms. History counts for about 90% of my risk level. Thanks to all my relatives. They want to start me on ACE inhibitors. DANG! Now I feel freaking damn nasty evilly old. Like I may doe some day old. My mom died at the age of 64.

I know I'll be okay. I'm very healthy except for the bp blip. It's still a little scary. Especially during finals week. ;)

Don't Forget!

To Come By and visit me at my Monday gig at Mid-Century Modern Moms Today!


Happy Monday! :)

Sunday Silly

glitter-graphics.com

Since I've been doing a lil bit of male bashing recently, I thought I'd show I can laugh at myself as well. Bwahahahahahahaah. :P

I find myself doing little chores today that I mostly avoid as spouse will do them. I'm actually doing laundry unrelated to my clothing, ok~take a deep breath. It's not worth fainting over. LOL.

I cleaned my boys bathtub yesterday. There is NOTHING in nursing that will come close to that disgusting tub!! Seriously. I was calling my kids pigs and slobs and saying maybe they should be homeless (all under my breath in a furious whisper) because who would let a bathtub get THAT revolting?? When I think of the microbes that latched on to my boys' feet from that tub I feel nauseous.

I also grabbed their towels to be washed. They are at least two months dirty. These young men are 17 and 19, shouldn't they be cab able of grabbing a clean towel every week? Yes, I did teach them that. Obviously, selective hearing is at fault once again.

Next I tackled the kitchen sink/window area. We keep getting ants. There is no rhyme or reason to when they appear. If there is a sugary unwashed pop can they throw a party. That makes sense to me. There was a cleaned out black olive can out yesterday and they threw a party in there as well. OOOPA! Do I have greek ants in Washington State? Since their behavior was somewhat erratic and senseless I decided to experiment. I poured vinegar around the area they like to roam. Then I added baking soda. I had a blast, but they kept sending their scouts. Today I discovered I actually owned a bleach based cleaner. Guess who got the bleach treatment? BPB! Naw, just kidding. Sorta.

I sprayed my ugly pinkish melamine counter top with bleach. AHA! They did not seem to like that. (Who would? I detest that slimey alkaline feeling of bleach on my skin.) Now I wait. Muahahahahaahaha.

I really need to do some homework. I'm desperate cuz I'm cleaning to avoid homework. QUICK! Call the men in the white coats! I could still study in a straight jacket but it would keep me from cleaning...snerk. Giggle. Guffaw.

Little Self Thoughts

I'm finding I don't like being alone 24 hours. I like an audience better. Kinda silly, bit I honestly never knew I did not want to be alone all of the time. I keep thinking, "Oh I need to tell _______ that!"

Yet there's no one to tell.

I had a very nasty sinus headache this morning. Took my antibiotics and meds and tried to go back to sleep. I had terrible nightmares about my oldest son(who was about 12 in the dream)trying to kill me and me trying to kill him so he wouldn't kill me. What would Freud make of that one? The police were called in the dream but they never believed BPB was dangerous so they left. Just before BPB pushed me off the deck. It was creepy and I woke up with a worse headache.

I took my super pain killers and my headache went away. I got out to the drugstore as I had to pick up some things.

Being all alone is a perfect time to wonder why I have no friends IRL. I have some fabulous friends online but no here who would notice if I vanished into the night. I think back over the 18 years we have lived in this state and wonder why I still don't quite fit in.

My spouse was supposed to text me when they arrived in SB but he didn't. I know he's busy and being waited on and hovered over........(hurl). My SIL will have cooked for days so spouse and BBB and BBB's BF will not go hungry for the rest of the decade.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, honest. Just a bit surprised I can't seem to enjoy my time alone.

I wonder why kind of impression I have left on the people I've met in my life. Does anyone from elementary school remember me? Does the boy who lost his virginity as I lost mine remember me? Does the dickhead who mentally abused me ever figure out what an evil jerk he was?

Or am I more ghostlike? No one remembers me clearly, just as a vague presence at some point in their lives.

Alone

Physically Alone. Spouse and BBB on their way to SB. BPB out with pals. I had a random thought~who's going to to do the recycling? Not my job. ;) Who will bring in the newspaper? Not my job. Who'll make sure I remember to feed the anoles on Sunday?

Gosh, does this mean I have to be the adult? :P

I had an appt. with shrink. Guess who's doing very well? Moi. Though I did not need a shrink to tell me that.

Stopped by B&N and happened to find a book or two. Surprise.

OH! My shrink gave his old PDR. WOOHOO. NOw I can really learn some pharmacology. Not just basic details. It is a treasured gift. I know, I'm a mega geek. Works for me.

I treated myself to 2 new girly t-shirts. Just got tired of wearing all my college t-shirts. I have UCSD, UC Santa Cruz, UC Irvine, UC Santa Barbara, LSU, plus my 8 high school baseball shirts from when my boys played. I felt like a girly(not too girly, not me)short versus a big man's shirt.

As I am alone, there's no one to listen to me rant about John Edwards. ARGH. Dude! You don't cheat on your wife who's been through cancer, loss of a child, adoption of 2 more children. You just don't, pig. You especially don't have an affair when you're trying to get the presidential nomination. That's even more stupid than Nixon, I think.

My idealism is smashed. I thought John was one of the good guys. Turns out, he's just a guy. Phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht to him.

My last shred of hope and belief in our government is fading fast. Not that I had much left after GW has been in office 7.5 years. MORON.

I'll be hanging out alone here. My head kinda hurts so it must be time for DRUGS! Legal ones, don't get excited.

Hugs for all.

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Off to Math I go! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Yippy skippy one more week of math left. I need to drag myself to class with my medium pain sinus headache(heck yes I'm on narcotics!)so I can learn and reinforce for test Monday and final Thursday.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can make it to math class today.

The sacrifices I make to become a nurse. I should be a saint. Saint Janice (burst of maniacal laughter).

Hope all my friends and anyone else who stops by is having a fantabulous Thurday!!!!!!!!!!

The Good News/Bad News

The Fabulous news: I got a 94% on my last math test!!!!!

The not so great news: My grade in nutrition is down to a 95% instead of 100%...:(

The good news: Spouse and BBB will be leaving Friday for Cali.

The eh news: They'll be back just when I finish finals. No "real" alone time.

Really good news: My math teacher is allowing us a page of notes for the final!

Not so bad news: One more 100pt project for nutrition plus 200pt final. I rock the projects!

Great news: Less than 2 weeks of school left! WOOHOOO, until 9/22.

Super fantastic news: FIVE weeks off school!

Bad news: Five weeks of the "why didn't you spend the day cleaning the house" looks.

Good news: One week without a 17 year old with attitude!

Eh news: 19 year old will still be here.

Bad news: I have no freakin' life but then that isn't news, is it?(twinkle eyes)

Come Visit Me

Over at Mid-Century Modern Moms

How Stupid is This?

I'm watching this really dumb movie on Lifetime: Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal. These top five cheerleaders blackmail teachers, beat up other girls, drink and skip class, threaten their coach, get her fired and have the entire high school staff and the parents and school board wrapped around their psycho little pinkies. Get Real. Spoiled or not, no one gets this kind of evil power. One girl is the Principal's daughter and gets away with everything. Wouldn't the PTA and the state board notice such things?

This silly movie does bring to mind how much our gets away with compared to what we got away with. Getting suspended 30 years ago was something none of us wanted. It would have kept us out of the colleges we wanted to go to. Now kids lose 3 days here or there and it doesn't affect anything.

What's been your experience? What do you think?

Maybe it's the area I live in. The graduation rate in the state of Washington is 70%. Is it me or is that insanely low? 1 out of every 4(yeah, not exact math. Surprise!) kids quits high school or doesn't make the grades to graduate.

Who's at fault? No Child Left Behind? The boards of education? The Director Of Public Education? The Community? All of us. I live in the boundaries of one of the best districts in the state and our graduation rate is 73%.

My oldest son quit school his senior year. If a kid doesn't fit the mold, that child finds it difficult to get help. I tried to find him help but I failed. His counselor failed. The school failed him.

Is there any way to find a solution? Is there any solution? How do we keep our kids in school learning important things, not taking standardized graduation tests? (Though both my boys passed our state standards test with honors.)