Things Fall Apart

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Most folks did not get the soylent green reference Erica, I am sure. Who can forget Charleton Heston discovering that people were being ground up for nutritious food called soylent green? Probably anyone younger than 40. :P

My fellow student have most likely not read "Things Fall Apart" by Achebe either. What relevance does apartheid have to anyone? Snerk. People are missing out on great literature now that No Child Left Behind Act is forcing schools to teach non fiction reading and writing. Who needs literature and history? (Sneer)

Onto my absolutely terrible no good day: First up Nursing delivery Systems lecture that was almost incoherent. Second test 4 for nursing fundamentals. Oh my surprise! The test was based on chapter 17 when everyone studied chapters 24 and 25! I happened to review chapter 17 the 30 minutes before the test and finished first. I was lucky. Everyone else was a combo of peeved, completely confused and upset cuz they had to guess on many questions. Then there was our second half of fundamentals lecture; the lecture did not continue where we left off Monday, we got new power points and a different topic and a CD that froze up every 23 seconds. OK kiddies what did the 26 of us learn from that hour? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

This is when I realized I have spent $1200 dollars to be taught be folks who are disorganized, not communicating with one another, and politics don't belong inside the curriculum. Some of my pals were laughing as opposed to crying. This is our careers they're messing up!

It's like being in Bill and Ted's nursing adventure classes! WooHoo. Onto Friday and I just can't wait what delights they have planned for tomorrow.

Wednesday Wanderings

It's very hard going through each day with no pats on the back. No praise or thata girl. Why do they expect our inner motivation to be enough? Every now and again a simple "nice job" would mean so much.

Maybe it's harder for me because I get little props at home. No hey thanks for going grocery shopping. No allright you started the dishwasher! Nope, I got a did you skip classes today? I DON'T SKIP classes Moron. The only reason I missed one day of class is because I had a freaking "Oh my Lord PLEASE kill me now migraine".

This is nursing school. One does not opt out of a day of classes. Not if one wants to do their best.

I have to admit that after 3 years of hard and painstaking work to get into nursing school I'm beginning to wonder if this is it?

Was I wrong about the pathway I felt God was leading me on? Maybe He didn't hear me all those years I was trying to figure out my purpose in life. Was I just on earth to reproduce and then be made into nutritious soylent green?

I am beginning to channel Jean-Paul Sartre, which is freakin' ass scary! I tell ya! Out of the 25 other students in my nursing class, maybe 3, know who Sartre is, was. If that many. Maybe that tells you how well I fit in. Hardee har har.

Yet I don't know that I fit in any where, so nursing school is as good of a place as any, for now.

If not McDonalds, perhaps the Peace Corps?

CHOKED!

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I had clinical lab today. We're going over physical assessment. It's all pretty basic. Nothing too complex or difficult and what do I do? Choke

I couldn't hear my "patient's" blood pressure after 5 tries. The first try my ear thingies were in backwards.

The second try I had the bell tuned in instead of the wide part. DERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

The third, fourth and fifth time I heard nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Silence.

I also got an 88% on my second pharm test which sucks royally.

I'm thinking McDonald's is looking up for my lifetime career goal.

Monotonous Monday

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Just another Monday. Pharm test with several out of nowhere questions. I hate those! I did get 25 out of 25 on my case study paper that write 30 minutes before class. ;)

I told my car pool partner no going over test questions on the way home so we talked about the ER story one of our classmates was telling, rated R or maybe X, when the director walked up behind him. Right after he said a body orifice name, she said, "Good afternoon _______". We all burst out laughing and couldn't stop. It was lunchtime and he didn't see her come in the room. Best moment of the day.

Nurses Are The True Backbone

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If you have never learned about the Nursing Process, and if you're not a nurse chances are you have no clue, go look it up.

Nurses are not just there to pat the patient on the hand and say "There, there". Nurses learn more about pharmacology that you'd ever guess. You see we need to know how those medications work in your body just as much as doctors do.

Nurses educate about wellness and ways to keep from ever being in the hospital again.

Nurses care about you while you're right there in front of them and they care about what will happen to you after you leave.

Nurses are so much more than you ever imagined. So go google "The Nursing Process" and learn about just one of the complex types of care they do for you.

Friday

HOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!! It's the weekend.

94.7% on last Fundamentals test. Out of the two classes we're regularly graded in, I have a 92% average and a 98.5% average. I'm so upset with my lack of initiative in my studies.............bwahahahaha.

Wishing ya an awesome weekend!!

<3

Over My Shoulder

I'm feeling slightly persecuted today. I had a "talk" with my clinical instructor last week after class. She informed me she was representing the entire faculty plus some of the students.

She discusses my need to be more self aware of what I discuss and what is considered professional. I was told, in essence, I needed to be quieter, less verbal in class and careful about what I discussed. I was like SAY WHAT?

I found out today one of the faculty members was totally unaware of the talk. I don't like being misled. Not at all. This faculty member encourages me to answer questions especially when no one else volunteers.

I feel discouraged. I feel like I'm being singled out for no other reason that someone doesn't like me. I have no proof, just my instincts.

There are several folks in the class who tell personal stories all the time during lessons. One guy never shuts up. I won't even make eye contact with a specific teacher. I sit there, listen, learn and don't say a word.

In the beginning, we were told we could bring issues to any faculty member without worrying about being considered a whiner. LIES.

Luckily for me, I think the teacher who likes me and appreciates my desire to learn, will be my instructor for 2, maybe all 3 of my classes outside of clinicals.

The deck we're playing with is marked. I am watching my back carefully and trying not to resent how unfair this seems to be.

Whatever. The game is on. I have all A's and no one will have any excuse to discipline me. FYI, little chat wasn't discipline, just informative, not on my record~except I know it's recorded on one instructor's internal record.

My World

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Should be studying but my eyes are starting to blur and water and right now I just don't give a damn about the Nursing Process in excessive detail. Talk about making one's head spin!

Someone decided 30-40 years ago to make nursing more complex. I think it was to give nurses credit for everything they do. What it really does is drives nursing students insane so the nursing shortage keeps getting bigger and bigger!

Talk about a bunch of educational jargon used to totally f up a fairly easy concept. There's way too much rhetoric and huge words like conceptualizing that are not necessary. Maybe a person earned their Ph.D doing this cuz it's all about as interesting as some idjit dissertation. Oh gosh spare me from dissertations.

I am learning things about myself from this program. I can fake a test pretty well when I have to. I'm terrified, classifying me as a chicken, to start clinicals in a real hospital working with (gasp!) real people. I am smart, really smart. However, I cannot show my knowledge without being called out by big brother because I need to "group think".

I am not as motivated as I had expected myself to be, but I'm writing that off as general laziness for now. I have learned that people who act one way may be thinking something entirely different. I can't trust anyone but you bloggy pals with my true thoughts and I edit them here as well.

I still have my twisted sense of humor and my cock eyed way of viewing the silly but constant irony I see around me. It is constant. IRONY and agony~Nursing School by a secret student is to be my new tell all book to be published in time for next summer. Look for it!!!

Hear My Heart Beat

We listened to heartbeats tonight. Let me tell you, the better the scope, the better you hear. Never let anyone talk you into a cheap scope. Waste 'o' money. My Littman is awesome and with practice I'm learning what to listen for.

We also did lung sounds. Bruce, the only guy in our clinical group got listened to by everyone after I caught him wheezing in his upper left lung quadrant. Hey, we'll do anything to listen to out of the ordinary lung sounds!!!

The heart is such a cool part of our body and fascinating to listen to from different people.

I worked up my kids and my spouse's vital signs yesterday. In fact, I forced them to let me take their pulses and to listen to their heart/lungs.

It's after 11:30p.m. as I was in clinical until after 9p.m. Hope you all had good Tuesdays and that your weeks are going along smoothly.

Hugs.

Chillin'

I'm just sitting here watching ER on TBS. I'll take a shower at 10a.m. and at 12 I've a hair appt.

At 2:30-whenever I have my last out of hospital clinical. I'll be freaking out big time next week.

I'm happy I'll be back with my regular group tonight. We have a sense of humor. Different from the other group. ;)

Tomorrow I have a day off school. I'll be studying for two tests.

I am appreciating all this time because next quarter I'll be taking 20 credits. yeehaw. 2 days of clinical, nursing fundamentals 4hours twice a week, pharm something for 2 hours and computer charting for 2 hours. My naps and sleeping days will be history. as will all my money that will be going to tuition.

Meandering Monday

Screw it. I just wrote a post anf Blogger ate it. I am too fried to rewrite it all.

Conformity & A Light Bulb

Haven't I been silly? Here I am enrolled in a program that is all about conformity. DUH is me. I have never been been all about conformity.

Nor have I been a total rebel. There have been times in my life I have wanted to "fit in" more than I can say. But I have never been the person who fits in completely. I have been an oval peg in a circle world. Slightly off, but not completely out of the loop.

Until this week, I had not realized nursing school is all about fitting into that round hole. Group thought. Everyone is equal. One MUST fit in. Anyone remember the novel 1984 by Orwell? Nursing school is analogous to an Orwellian world. Click. The light bulb turns on.

I'm 46 years old and I forgot programs like this existed. The first time I went to college I was a communications major at a science school. One of the best science schools. I had no interest in science in 1980. Nope. I enjoyed being in a "maverick" program at a stuffy computer, engineering, pre-med university. I was almost Bohemian. Snerk.

The reason I am not easily fitting into the mold of the nursing program begins to make complete sense. I have never been a "groupie" and I have never followed "groupie" rules if I did not agree with them.

I will pretend to fit in. I will act like a groupie. It has been made clear to me that I will not finish this program unless I play the game. It has taken me 5 weeks to get that message. Yeah, I'm kinda slow. Stop laughing at me.

I think I comprehend the mind set necessary. This doesn't mean I am giving in. This means I'm goal oriented enough to play the game for a year.

Watch me while I jump through some hoops in the next 10 months...

Things Nursing Students Need to KNow

Gratefully borrowed from Head Nurse

I did not have the best week in school so I love this post.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dammit, people like me!

So...new nursing students. How y'all feeling right now? Classes start in, what, three weeks? Two?


Got your shoes ready? Got your pens and pencils? Paper? Xanax? Good.


Following is a list of tips drawn from what I remember of my own school experience, back when the earth was still cooling:

1. You are smart enough to get through this.

You got in, right? That's no small task in a field where there are anywhere from 30 to 200 applicants for every slot in nursing school. Rest assured that if you were smart enough to get in, you will be smart enough to finish--and finish *well*--provided you remember one thing:

2. This may be the hardest work you've ever put in in your life.

I've heard from doctors who became nurses and nurses who became doctors that nursing school is harder than med school by a country mile. This is not because doctors don't learn as much, but simply because nursing school is compressed into about half the time. Even if you're getting a BSN, the nursing-clinical-focused coursework will only take up about the last three semesters of your schooling. If you're going through a bridge or two-year program, you'll have to hit the ground at a dead run. Therefore...

3. Do a little every day. Do a lot when you can.

I cannot stress enough how important time management is for nursing students (and nurses!). Set up good habits early on and they will see you through the last semester when you can't eat, can't sleep, and can't remember who that person is that you promised to love and cherish until death. Do Not Put Off Studying. Also, Don't Study Too Far Ahead. Set yourself a goal of, say, three chapters of thus-and-so every night--one review of the last class period's material, one of today's material, and a quick run-through of next week's--and stick to it. Do this every damn night. No exceptions. It's only for a couple of years; you can go dancing later. That said,

4. Schedule something non-nursing related every week, even if it's only a movie.

Otherwise you'll turn into a Nursing School Automaton like I did. You'll lose weight, sanity, sleep, and perspective. That last is most important, because...

5. No matter what they tell you, this is not the be-all and end-all.

You get brainwashed into thinking, in nursing school, that this is the most noble, valuable, challenging (morally, ethically, intellectually) thing you could do; that it's the pinnacle of everything everybody everywhere has ever done.
I call bullshit.
Nursing school is a weird cross between professional training and entering a convent. You get your own language, clothing, and ceremonies, true...but there is a world out there outside of nursing. Try not to get so buried that you lose the ability to laugh at yourself, your professors, and the utter silliness of most care plans.

6. You will meet asshole instructors.

Unfortunately, (and here I put on my flame-proof Big Girl Panties), there are nursing instructors out there who either got totally disgusted with the profession and are bitter, or who couldn't make it as floor nurses for one reason or another, and are bitter. With luck, you'll only run into one during your schooling--but you *will* run into one. Keep your head down, do your work, and try to avoid antagonizing that person. He or she can't help what she or he is.

7. You will meet crazies.

Both in school and out of it, you will meet people who are absolutely mad as pants. If that person is a classmate, try to be polite but distant: You do not need any emotional drama while you're going through school. (Also, avoid gossiping and joining one faction over another. It's lonelier, but you'll be glad you stayed aloof when the crap hits the creamer.) If that person who's crazy as a pet raccoon happens to be a floor nurse or a patient to whom you're assigned, see tips from #6 for conflict avoidance.

8. If you meet a nurse whom you'd like as a mentor, say so right then.

I get requests from nursing students for my email address after I've worked with 'em a couple of days. I always give 'em the address. Having a shoulder to lean on, a more experienced person to bounce things off of, or a mentor can make a hell of a difference in your sanity. And please be aware, beloved students, of this caveat: If I tell you you shouldn't work with me after you've worked with me for three sessions, it's not because I don't like you. It's because, this early in your training, you need to see a variety of work styles, time-saving tricks, and management skills. Don't get into a rut too soon.

9. Along with "Don't get into a rut too soon", don't make up your mind what you want to do too soon.

I was *sure* I would be the world's most ass-kickingest women's health NP when I finished school. I interviewed at Sunnydale General on a total lark and ended up taking the job, also as a total lark. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made--probably not as smart as leaving my husband, but certainly in the top five. Go on at least one wacked-out job interview that you'd never consider actually accepting, be it to Medecins Sans Frontieres or to County General Hellhole. See where that takes you. You might find that you were really cut out to be a neuro nurse rather than an oncology nurse, or that working in the jungles brings you great joy. And, keep in mind that if you hate the whole process and are miserable,

10. You can always leave. Leaving nursing does not mean you're a failure.

Nursing is not for everybody. Every student finds him/herself dreading clinicals and tests, yes, but there's a general consensus that the end result will be worth the trouble. If you find yourself contemplating a career in nursing with nothing more than misery and despair, for God's sake get out now and find something else to do. It will not necessarily make you as much money or give you as much prestige (stop snickering), but money and prestige are empty cups when you cry every morning as you slap on mascara.

If you *do* get partway through your training and decide to quit, everybody you're leaving behind will look at you with pitying incomprehension. You won't be able to speak the same language as they do any more. You might not keep in touch with all your old buddies. Don't let it get to you. The important thing is that you do what makes you look forward to getting up in the morning.

Twisted

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Doing Better, Back Tomorrow

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Not The Best Day

I have days, weeks where I wonder if my life has ever had a point. I have days where things make me question decisions I have made. Or make me question why I am here instead of there.

I have days where I wonder why I don't have any close friends here in the "real" world. Is there a sign over my head that says LOSER is huge neon letters? Or do folks just think I look like a bad person or someone who can't keep secrets or someone who wouldn't be supportive?

I must be wrong when I think I'm making a good effort, when I try to be non judgemental and kind, when I work hard to fit into certain expectations of me.

Nothing seems to be working too well right now. I just wish I could figure out why.

A Walk In The Park

The spouse and I took a fabulous walk in Downtown Seattle's newest park~The Olympic Sculpture Park. It was a beautiful day on Saturday, sunny and warm. Every park needs a random free form red sculpture.



This is a stainless steel tree. I want one in my room so I can dream of rustless forests.



Dig the huge eraser on the right. Art is in the eye of the beholder..........



The Space Needle was peeking at us!! Peek a boo, we see you!


Fall's lovely colors, even in downtown.

The back of my sweetie's head gazing at the cloud art over the Sound.

Father and son nekkid in a fountain.

Quite risque for the Northwest but quite moving.

The Agony

Have you ever felt like someone has shot an arrow through your eye into your head? No? YOU SUCK! Yes? Then you know what a migraine feels like.

People who don't get migraines think they are simply headaches. WRONG! Aspirin is wasted. Tylenol is less effective than water. Advil simply can't touch the pain.

A person with a migraine is a fairly disabled person. Their head hurts so bad that even blinking an eyelid causes waves of unbearable agony. Light pierces their skulls like spikes of molten iron.

Noises feel like they make your ears bleed. Ear plugs are useless.

My eyeballs actually hurts and sting.

Good thing my spouse hid his reciprocating saw today.

Pain

throbbing waves of pain cascade down the left side of my head causing my eye to water and me to wonder: will it ever end? Migraine.

Friday Freedom

My title is a misnomer. Even though I am free from classes until Monday at 8a.m., I have 12 chapters worth of reading to do in my Nursing Fundamentals book(the 1800 page book), 2 chapters in my pharm book, need to study for our first pharm test Monday, have to write at least one article review and a pharm case study, and I need to go the nursing way to move patients safely in bed, positioning to avoid pressure sores, and various other tidbits.

My spouse is grousing(so far fairly quietly but that will get louder as the weekend does) that he cleans up after everyone. I call bull. I was the last one to fill the dishwasher and turn it on, I was the last one to separate the mail in an attempt to see the kitchen counter, I was the person to change pillowcases including spouse's which were really extra grody...

I'll bet $10 that spouse will have a cow before the weekend is over and that I will be the general but not only target for his lecture which I shall pretend to listen to even though I am buried under a mountain of homework.

Sigh. Is this what 22 years of marriage comes to? I so appreciate his never ending support for me being in nursing school...snort. Non-existent. Oh yeah, this'll be the weekend he loses it. It's his time of the month.

Crankiness of Unkown Origin (CUO)

Another thrilling day trying to stay awake in my pharmacology class. It is being simplified and our new Ph.D instructor kinda talks to us like we're 7th graders. I can barely stay awake in this class which is my last class Thursday and Fridays. Yeah, I know I'm whining.

My 116(nursing delivery systems) and 104(fundamentals) are interesting and thought provoking. 102(pharm)makes me yawn.

I have an article review due tomorrow at 1p.m. and I'm taking the danger route by writing it during my 2 hour lunch break tomorrow.

Do you sense my motivation is lacking? Honestly, I'm not sure why.

Could be time of year. Could be me acting like a 12yo. I just cannot pinpoint any reason.

I am now done with my 4 immunizations including TDap, HepB 1&2, Flu and the 2-step tb test. Plus taking more blood to check my cholesterol levels. No more needles unless I am giving the shot.

I wish everyone a pleasant and full filling weekend!

No Quick Answers

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My money will be going to the insurance company. My NP is referring me to an urologist. In the Northwest there is an unusually high number of females with benign hematuria(blood in urine). So we are not too worried.

My prescriptions meds have gone up in price as the insurance now pays less than they did previous to Sept. 2008. Two meds went from $45 a month to $90 a month and I am peeved! I'm peeved at the greedy blood sucking health insurance companies who make a profit off our illnesses. In fact, I'd like to ban all insurance and pharm lobbyists from living on the planet Earth. Send each and every one to Uranus, the not a planet.

I have two journal article reviews due Friday, a pharmacology test Monday, a nursing fundamentals test next Thursday.

Had first test Monday. I got an 89%. I am very unhappy with my test grade. The average grade was 92%. I really hate being below average so I will study more for next one. (Smacking myself on the head for allowing unclear questions to mess me up!)

Good News. Bad News?

The good news is my cholesterol, triglycerides and LDL levels are gone way down on the statin med. It's working very very well as is the hypertension med.

I also had to repeat a urinalysis. I had red blood cells in my urine. Last night my nurse practitioner calls and leaves message at home and on cell. I am now waiting for her to call because whatever it is, she wants to discuss it personally with me. Bad vibes. Really bad vibes.

Could be kidney function problems to bladder cancer to a rare strain of some bacteria and 16 other things accorded to my diseases book. Of course, I looked it up! What else are medical resources for but looking up my own lab values and possible results?

Just call already.

I get to spend 4 hours making beds and learning how to transfer patients(each other) safely. How am I supposed to be attentive with my what ifs running around my teeny little brain?

Random Thoughts

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My team faltered today. The first quarter was excellent. My team has some awesome offensive plays and was leading 14-3 against the Illini. That was pretty much all she write for the MI defense. Game score 40-20. Michigan fell apart in the 2nd quarter and could not find themselves the rest of the game. Sigh. It was however a gorgeous sunny fall day at the Big House. It reminded me why I love Michigan in the month of October. The crisp air, beautiful leaves, the glory of the season. October has always been one of my very favorite months of the year.

No, it's not because of Halloween. I don't like Halloween. Bad memories, bad day for Janice. I love the month and apple picking and apple cider and leaves changing color and falling to the ground to crunch beneath one's walking feet. I have happy memories of taking walks kicking leaves or crunching them under my feet. Fall is whe school is back in session.

I like school. I always have. Except for 3rd grade, 5th grade, 7th grade. School is the place to find answers to my overflowing amount of questions whirling inside my brain. I love to learn. Most anything, 'cept algebra. Snort.

I am interested in other cultures, history, what goes on in the world and the hows and whys. How did a country with a surplus in the year 2000 now have a national debt of 300 trillion?(I admit my numbers may not be accurate) In eight years our country has gone down in world approval, world respect, our ability to militarily intervene anywhere we might be needed. I think much of our financial issues stem from Ronnie Reagan and his band of merry deregulators. Deregulate airlines. That worked well. koffbullshitkoff.

This hands off goverment policies of the republican presidents has led to many hands on BAIL OUTS! Guess who voted these folks into office. Many of you. Not working so well in the past decade or so is it?

Maybe we should worry about the character and ethics of a candidate more than their looks, their power backers, the back room deals............

Just a random thought.

Polarizing

It's the second week of nursing school and the ugly is coming out in some students. We have 10.5 months of working side by side and already some ignorant red neck types(just generalizing folks)think I'm a pretty good target to make fun of. It's seems I'm too smart because I answered a question about what area of the brain is harmed if a stroke patient cannot speak(aphasia). Broca's area. Left side of brain, just above left of the ear. The "people" and I use the word loosely, rolled their eyes and nodded at one another seemingly to agree that I am too annoying or something.

It's hard enough to be 46 in a class with folks of different ages, races, nationalities and educational differences. But I believe in tolerance. People are who they are. It's all good right?

Guess not.

I'm taking the high road and will be moving my seat to the back row as far away from this one female as possible. I wanted to smack her upside the head but I restrained myself. This is someone in my clinical group and will be seeing often. I will not lower myself to her 20 some years younger than me bratty attitude.

Why can't folks just grow up?

Thanks Speedy and friends

I was thinking in my shallow pool of self pity today until 5 comments emails came from Speedcat Hollydale. There I was pouting and he even made me smile. Speed and I started at MBL on the same time and became friends. He's the person I've known the longest in the blogging world.

Speedcat gets hundreds of visitors a day cuz he's damn funny. He's much funnier than I ever was. He's also great at photo shopping and has fabulous crazy ass funny ideas. Speedcat Hollywood

He's been one of my bestest, more supportive friend and I adore him for that. Thanks Uncle Speedy for saving my fellow students being subjective to my crankiness.

LOVE YA DUDE!!!