I Made a Little Old Lady Very Angry...

This week I was taking care of an elderly lady. She was persist ant but pleasant. She requested pain meds every 3-10 minutes forgetting she had patient administered medicine in her IV where all she need to do was push the button.

When I asked what patient I should chose they suggested this lady(laughing behind their evil hands).

I'm not too stupid and figured this lady would keep me busy which is fine. Makes the time go faster.

LOL(little old lady) had various issues including several tubes and lines coming out of her. I was very careful not to catch anything on her lines cuz that can cause serious pain.

LOL asked me politely to turn the heat off, uncover her sheet from over her, get her ice, a straw, then a spoon, some water, to clear off her bedside table...

I should have been doing my patient assessment which we do at the beginning of every shift on every patient we are taking care of. I got distracted into helping the CNA clean someone else up.

I did not get report because no one had decided who her nurse was going to be. My first few clinicals this quarter I was in ER and Urgent Care and was on campus for 5 weeks before that so I hadn't done any assessments since February.

I blew it and did not get a completed assessment done nor did I get report when a nurse was chosen.

Let's just say my clinical instructor was EXTREMELY irritated at me. Once again I managed to do something to get in hot water. She had me go back up to floor and report off to the nurse I ended up working with. The floor nurse was very sweet and said I had done that but I explained I needed to do a more thorough job.

My 5 clinical group members were all embarrassed for me.

I stayed afterwards because I wanted to hear everything my instructor had to say because I could tell there was more. OH MERCY! It sucked, I suck, I was thinking of joining the Peace Corps. My instructor was justified so don't just think I have a mean teacher.

Next day I had LOL again. She remembered me and was friendly. Until I began my physical assessment from head to toe and front to back. She started telling me to "go away". Like every 30 seconds.

I calmly said I needed to do this and when I had finished I would leave her room. Oooweeeeeeee. She did not like that. When I took her socks off to check her feet she called me the most recalcitrant girl she'd ever met!

I said yes I as stubborn as a donkey calmly back and continued on.

LOL asked what in hell did she need to do to get me to leave? YEEP!

When I finished I did leave her alone to doze. I went back in about 15 minutes later and she screwed up her face like an angry toddler and told me to just leave.

A classmate needed to deal with an ileostomy bag, this was never for me so I went to observe. I wrote up my assessment notes. I left her alone.

Just as I was about to leave for the night she asked for her pain meds. She had been switched to tablets so no more handy button pushing.

When I brought in her pain meds she looked at me and said, "Where have you been? I've been waiting and waiting for you. I missed you!"

Snort.

Amazing how pain killers happy up patients. :P

Flawed

Another day of messing up in nursing school.

I need to work harder and smarter. In clinical.

McDonalds......

Strange Days

I am floating through my days in a suspended form of severe ennui. (Ennui~lethargy and boredom but more, it's French)

I want things and events to be finished and then I want more.

In lecture today I was frustrated because she kept going off topic while complaining we had SO MUCH info to get through. Then she asked if we wanted test on Monday or a week from Friday. I'm all for Monday. I hate going on to a new body system with all the info from the previous one floating in my brain. Her questions released 20(out of 25) people whining about how much work they have to do and they need a break and whinnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeee some more thru their noses. Half the class has to take developmental behavior because they had not taken it before they got into the program like us smart folks did.

Now they whine because they have to spend an hour observing children and they have homework every week.

OH SHUT UP ALREADY!!

We had much more work first quarter, get over yourselves. I, myself, am bored.

Our lecture today could have been done in 90 minutes instead of 4 hours of YAWN.

I want to get this all done. Without the tangents and the moron guy who knows everything and is allowed to ramble on and on but if I do that I get threatened to get kicked out of the program. Hypocrites.

OK yeah there's some cranky in my ennui...sue me. :P

School Goes On and On

I don't doubt my ability to be a competent nurse, I'm just discouraged by the malarky that goes with school.

1. 3 Nursing journal article reviews

2. One patient presentation to clinical group, also present a lab test and a medication

3. One major care plan with all the bells and whistles

4. Two practice/get feedback care plans, one due Tuesday

5. Cardiovascular system~next whole week

6. Gastrointestinal system~3-4 four hour classes.

7. Health fair as an entire class project~May 6, 2009

8. Genitourinary system~2 four hour classes.

9. Various other subjects we fit in whenever.

10. 2 clinical days a week at hospital, not always same unit 2 days in a row, kinda hard to get to know patients.

11. I'm a whiner.

I prayed for 2 years before I decided on nursing and I believe that is where God wants me to be. It's just hard when spouse is unemployed, my nose is congested from January to June, lack of funds, 2 boys who need a kick in the rear now and again.


August 14, 2009. Remember this date.

Encouragment?

WHY am I studying nursing? Why did I think I'd be good at it?

My motivation is very low lately, can you help me find some extra?

Cardiac Weekend

I will be spending my weekend with my Med/Surg book nestled in the couch studying the 6 chapter on cardiac issues. WOOHOO! Another raucous weekend for me.

I also have a care plan and discharge instructions to play with.

Can you imagine anything more fun than that??

What are ya'll up to? Anything fun?

Questions

Can I have nursing school burnout?

Is it contagious?

How many times can I blush before I fall over dead with embarrassment?

Why do scrub pants like to creep down my big ass? You'd think my ass would keep them up, ya know?

Is it ok that I'm excited to be working with geropsych instead of ER tomorrow?

Or that I'm not excited to be stuck on Med Surg for 3 days?

Is it acceptable to blame the instructor when my buddy and I miss questions on the diabetes test? Cuz we be certain she marked the answer key wrong plus we learned several separate peak and onset times for insulins?

Does it offend you if I fantasize about Hugh Laurie showing up at my door and whisking me away from my mundane life?

Is 47 too old for all this "stuff"?

Am I the only one who thinks the contestants on Wheel of Fortune are MORONS for spending their money on vowels?

Is it socially acceptable to detest pollen? I mean seriously abhor it?

Is there such a thing as a doctor who looks like McSteamy?

Why do tv shows neglect nurses and pretend doctors actually start their own IVs? Bwahahahahahahaha. A doc doing an IV. ;D

Where did my prince go when he missed rescuing me? My prince has not come and I'm getting way old for fairy tales.

Do dust bunnies attack only under the cover of darkness?

How did the chaos theory find my house???

It WAS Funny

My previous post was funny. It was supposed to make you laugh. I got the humor. I know I'll have many more "firsts" in nursing and I can see the humor of most anything.

In fact, please assume most of what I write is light hearted or whiny. No other strong emotions. It's my prerogative being a nursing student to have a case of the "crazies" whenever I need.

OK my spouse does drive me nutso. Usually it's me reacting to something that was not intended to tick me off. I use him as a target when I am cranky on my blog here. Rarely does any of what I write get said.

No need to feel sorry for me. I'm doing what I set out to do 4 years ago. I'm in nursing school. Some of the school staff is completely out of their minds, I hear that's fairly common.

I write to unwind, to entertain sometimes, to vent. I write because I have to. Without writing none of my true feelings would ever be heard.

It's a lovely day here and I have a test to study for. Have a great Sunday.

Clinical Humiliation

Nursing theory is fun. One learns all kinds of neato information about disease and bodies and healing.

I adored pharmacology. Learning about medications and how they work chemically. More fun.

Psychology is even delightful. Dissecting your family's psyche for entertainment.

Clinicals are supposed to teach us how to put theory into practice, all the while being caring, helpful, and empathetic. Ahem. Not quite so easy.

We practiced putting urinary catheters in our lab. It's a sterile procedure which makes it more complicated. It worked great on mrs. dummy who never twitched a muscle.

I needed to cath a female to get a urine sample yesterday. She was not so compliant. My clinical instructor was there to talk me through as it was my first time. Which means I was already sweating bullets.

We had to undress the patient as she still had her pants on. One cannot cath through pants. Nope. Just doesn't work.

The paints were almost painted on, removing them was exercise. More sweat.
Then the "undies". Unique to this old girl.

We got a wet towel to clean the patient up.

Then took the cath kit out and opened it. Before I did anything sterile we tried to have the patient relax and open her legs. Yeah. Did not comply. As I was trying to locate the area I needed to find my, CI held the legs open, sort of.

Next I got the supplies ready and attempted to put the sterile gloves on. Did not happen. They stuck to my hands and I crossed into the sterile area of the glove.

Try again. Got a larger pair of sterile gloves and got them on. We tried to keep the patent's legs open enough to clean her and then do a quick cath. It was similar to a wrestling match without the costumes. I ended up with my face very close to this lady's private area.

I think I went into shock. Holy cow, I never expected to be so, um, close and the odor was disconcerting. YIKES! Sue Barton, come save my desire to be a nurse!!!

My CI got her cathed and we got a sample.

I was covered in sweat from embarrassment and exertion. My hair was coming out of my pony tail. I was breathing rapidly.

My CI was awesome and encouraging and kind.

When my breathing slowed to normal the nurse I was following asked if I wanted to put in a Foley cath.

I swear, I almost fell to knees to weep.

We ended up having to go so I missed that but I know it'll be waiting for me next week or the next.............

Fast Track

Time for me to lighten up a tad. All that whining is getting irritating.

I was in the Emergency Room's Fast Track room. This is where the sore throats, involuntary commitment(hee, I'll explain that in a minute),sinus infections all the illnesses that are painful but non-emergent.

Fast Track can be slowwww. But not today. We got in an involuntary commitment patient. They were supposed to restrain the pt.

He was a pussycat. He needed some tests before he could be transferred to a psych facility.

He was slightly off the reality planet but was pleasant and cooperative. I got to amuse him while we were waiting for a "sitter"~some big guy who is supposed to make sure he doesn't escape or harm anyone.

Phtttttttttttttttttttttttt. Teddy Bear.

You all know how much I like to converse with people. Today I got to combine conversing with psych observation and do a good job. I laughed because he kept laughing at various comments or folks walking by.

He slipped into another language and maybe another dimension here and there but overall I really enjoyed talking with him. I learned some things and I kept him calm and happy.

I saw another cool procedure later but because of HIPAA I don't want any identifying information in here. It would give them reason to arrest me and throw away the key!!!

Happy Hump Day Friends!!!!

Pondering Perspective

I have been told that I should not talk during these life saving tv shows. That really annoys spouse.

Then he gave me his pissy pain in the dick look. Now I should be silent during commercials.

It all leads up to thing: never talk unless I(spouse) initiates it. Keeping my temper and feeling of being patronized by someone who has no basis to patronize me: SCREW YOU DUDE!

We've been married 22 year and NOW he decides I'm not worth listening to??

If I interrupt him when he is talking, he will stop talking. For ever. I never know what he was trying to communicate.

I am sure he doesn't see this behavior for what it is~contempt. I am not worthy.

It's been a bad few months with the lay off and all but I don't deserve contempt. I don't need to be sent the message that no matter what I have to say, he doesn't want to listen. UNLESS it's to blame/argue with me about the kids, money, random stuff.

I know I'm a good person.

I know I'm a smart person.

I know I'm an interesting person.

What's HIS freaking anal-retentive passive/aggressive PROBLEM?

Any ideas friends?

Boxed In Feeling

I'm just going to say it: GET A JOB SPOUSE!

I feel like he's always around.

I am never completely alone and therefore I can never completely relax.

I have started grinding my teeth in my sleep again.

Nursing school is NOT stressing me. In fact, right now it's not hard enough. I like the challenge of hard academic work. I enjoy learning the ins and out of the pathophysiology of diseases. My problem: no homework right now.

I miss having several hours a day home alone.

I don't see spouse looking for a job. That doesn't mean he isn't, but I know better to nag on this subject. He gets defensive about small things...big things so NOT worth the headache.

He finally went grocery shopping. Neener, neener immature Janice won this completely idiotic contest. Marriage can make us so immature. Tho he "forgot" my Evian. Passive/aggressive suck toes man.

Wrestling polar bears is easier than dealing with p/a personalities.

Am I asking too much to want an adult and friendly relationship with my spouse? Don't say counseling, it's not in the budget right now. I don't know enough psych to effectively converse with a p/a. I know enough to avoid pointless conflicts but that is about it.

There's enough societal stress going on the world. I wish there was less in my house.

Have the best week possible everyone! :)

Happy Holiday

For my friends who celebrate Easter....



glitter-graphics.com

For my friends that don't you can listen to me whine..........

Spouse is very angry with me.

Why?

Because I'm here and he still doesn't have a job. :P

18 yo out at girlfriend's family for mega stuffing of the face. He went last year and had a terrific time.

20 yo snuck a girl in for night last week, what happened to him?

I told him next time his bed would be placed in front yard. Raining or not.

Speaking of which, it's pouring.

Luv ya'll!!!!!!!!

Extremely Stupid Things to Say to Grieving Parents

As a mother who has watched her child die, I thought I'd give a hint or two here. Most people don't have a clue what to say and I'm gonna tell what NEVER to say.


The parents who have lost a child or children are already in spiral of disbelief, grief, sorrow, inability to comprehend the reality, so stunned they may not hear when some one make an asinine comment. They will remember it, eventually. They will remember it forever.

Just don't say these things to grieving parents no matter how recent or past the loss.

1. Appreciate the time you had with your child. Asshole, they know this. Keep the thought to yourself!

2. You can always have more kids. Dickhead, this is worse. One child does not replace another. One NEVER forgets the child they lost. They may not be able to have more children(as in my case). Keep it shut. N ever say this. Never.

3. She's in a better place. Ahem. The parents aren't ready for this one. It may not go with their belief system and who the hell are you to say?! Skip this.

4. It will get better with time. NO. You don't know that. This is equivalent to Appreciate the time you had with your child.

5. God will never give you more than you can handle. BULLSHIT! There will be many days you feel as if you've fallen into 980000 pieces. This is NOT a comfort statement when it comes to grief.

The best thing to say: I am so very sorry for your loss. I will call to check on you in two weeks(or whatever time period is appropriate).

Be a friend and just listen if the bereaved parents wants to talk. Listen. No advice just therapeutic listening. Bring dinner for a future night. Grieving people aren't organized or hungry. Just be there. Friends don't bail on friends just because the situation get awkward and heartbreaking. Be a true kind supportive friend.

RELAX

I know you are all stressed. Everyone is, online and here in the Northwest corner of the USA.



Just kick back,

clear your head

take 3 deeps breaths, in through nose

out through mouth.

Now imagine we are sitting together in a small cafe on the outskirts of Seattle.

You are drinking tea or coffee.

The sun is shining and it is 65 degrees out.

It's a table outside for us.

A shaded table so I can sit on the shade, you choose the sunny side.

In the distance the can see the glacier topped Mount Rainier. It looks as if it is only 10 miles away when it is really 40.

The air is so very clear you can almost see all the trees on the mountain.

The are cherry trees in bloom all around us.

They are at peak. Light pink, darker pink and some dark pink.

On the right are two trees twined together. The white and pink blossoms mix together as from the same tree.

The birds are giving us a concert. So melodic.

Oh, your shoulders are so relaxed.

You breath in the smell of the hyacinths blooming next to the patio.

We are the only folks at the cafe. The silly folks went to work. We know better.

No news, no phones(we left them in the car), no communications devices besides our brains and mouths.

A small water fountain sits in the middle of the tables. It makes water music that blends in with the birds and the very soft breeze through trees.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

May my love and calming imagines go with you today.

Explaining Yesterday's Post

The National Association of Nursing Diagnoses (NANDA) is the group that put the timelime on grief. They have a nursing diagnoses for Dysfunctional Grieving. "Grief that occurs after the death of a significant other, in which the experience of distress accompanying bereavement fails to follow normative expectations and manifests in functional impairment."

Imagine my surprise the first time I read that.

This is one definition, there are several versions.

I have been dysfunctional for over 10 years. NOT.

I have been a functional depressive, depression caused by life events I.E. death of child, financial problems, unemployed spouse, loss of house, death of grandmother, death of mother and subsequent estrangement from my father. Those of you who know me realize this is my short list.

NANDA needs to watch their infant get sick and degenerate physically and mentally for five months. And they need to know it's a genetic disease so more children were out of the picture. Honestly, I have done the best I could with the help of pharmaceuticals and friendships.

Makes me wonder what functional grieving is?

I'm pretty proud of myself for getting my AA, getting into the nursing program, getting damn good grades(overall) 95% on today's test.

My marriage is still somewhat intact, my two other sons are fairly normal kids for being 18 and 20.

I did need the time I spent staring out the window after Brennan was gone. I needed down time. I did come close to total breakdown several times. Yet, I managed to never fall completely apart.

I'm with you my friends, grief does not have a timeline and the more losses the longer the grief.

Hugz for all of you. Love and thoughts of friendship. <3

The Blues

I got me The middle aged nursing student only half through the program with a director who dislikes me immensely blues.

Please give me some leeway to whine for a few minutes.

Test tomorrow in stress, situational and crisis; adaptation to stress and coping mechanisms, death and dying and how nurses are huge in the dying process. Hmmmm, I did not get such great help when my Brennan was dying 13 years ago. I sincerely hope they've upped their game and respect the patient/family wishes.

Death is a private matter in so many ways. The little guy who had been inside me growing prenatally one February was dead the next. I've dealt with this, mostly, but it has taken me many years.

I love my nursing diagnoses telling me I was a dysfunctional griever because I went over the time limit of two years. :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to them.

There are some issues in our class that add to the general stress level. It's not even student to student. Higher up and lack of organization. Frustrating to say the least.

What I really want to whine about is having to wake up at 7:00a.m., I am a lazy slob and I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE to sleep in.

I am sadly pathetic and I know it. Wishes for a great week and Happy Holidays to all. I love you and I am hugging each and every one of you. xxxooo

I Do Not Get It

I can't begin to comprehend it. It's senseless and violent and so psychotic.

In a month there have been something like 7-8 mass killings.

A Vietnamese male who was angry at being laid off and his perception that others were laughing at him because he could not master the English language. What did he think he was accomplishing when he barricaded the back door, but on body armor and walked into the Binginghamton Civic Center and shot 13 fellow immigrants to pieces? Then the chickenshit killed himself. Dude be man enough to go to jail if you are going to go on a killing frenzy. Give us a chance to try and figure out what set you off and why did you think killing other people would help?

In Oakland, in the aftermath of an unintentional killing of a young black man by a cop, people got pissed. In fact, I say the people were extremely pissed. Last weekend when 2 Oakland cops stopped a car the driver shot them both dead. He then ran into a neighborhood and hid in an abandoned house. Everyone in that neighborhood knew he was hiding in there. NOT ONE of them warned the other two cops where the shooter was and they were massacred as an entire neighborhood listened. I am still in shock over this one.

Today in Pittsburg a 23 yo man set up a trap to kill cops. He called in a domestic disturbance and waited with his assault rifle and body armor for the police to arrive. He shot 3 dead before they even knew what happened. 2 more are injured. He was upset because he thought the government was going to take away his guns. WTF?

I could tell 10 more of these stories, my heart is too broken already. 5 kids from 7-16 were killed by their father today 20 miles south of here. Yes, he shot them and later himself.

I know the economy sucks, my spouse is unemployed. I know people are drinking more alcohol than they did before the recession began. I know many folks lost all their money or their houses.

How does killing people make any of that better?

When did living in America become so dangerous and scary?

Dignity Through Dementia

When I was doing days at the hospital(we'll be there evenings all quarter this time)I was placed in the geropsych unit from time to time.

The geropsych floor is for folks usually in the late 50's to their 90's. Folks are sent in for a consult visit when they become overly cranky, acting newly demented, or need med adjustments. It's not like One Flies Over the Cuckoos Nest but it has it's moments.

(These "patients" are combined from many and no identifying info is disclosed as per Federal HIPPA laws. That acronym probably has an extra or missing letter I can't remember.)

The doors to this unit are locked down because folks who are mentally ill or demented or on a temporary diagnostic visit try to leave. A lot. Some try all day long.

Nope, they cannot do that. We just don't let the mentally confused walk out the door for their own safety.

Some of the patients want to leave. They have no idea where they want to go but they go for the exits any time some one leaves or enters. I have learned to enter quickly and to make sure I don't knockdown a patient hovering by the door.

There are patents who walk around for hours trying to figure out how to get back to their home. They might not even know what they are doing. They just know this isn't their normal habitat. I feel bad for these folks except I know they are there for a good reason. If they have some form of dementia they cannot comprehend why they are there and what happened to their family.

I have had lovely conversations with folks who think it's 1955. I have had experiences with folks who are very clear in the morning but confused at night.

Anyone who comes to the geropsych floor is treated with dignity even if they are screaming at me to call the cops, someone kidnapped them!

Each and every patient was, as some point, a beloved baby, some one's sweet little sister, a mother who raised her children with care, a man who fought for our country...you get my drift. Because they have no control of their brain degenerating is no reason to treat them poorly or as a child.

It tugs my heart when a patient asks me when is the bus coming to pick them up, as they wait in the imaginary bus station.

Some patients seem mentally altered when they have a urinary tract infection, a medication level that's slightly off, simple dehydration or a gazillion other reasons. The elderly manifest symptoms differently that the younger generation.

You'd be amazed at how agitated some are when they come in and are perfectly lucid by the time they leave. It's incredible when that happens.