April's Fool

Disclaimer: The tone intended here is wry, not despairing. It's a kind of shaking my head in bewilderment at teens post. ;P


Heads Or Tails Tuesday! Check out the new web site at Heads or Tails and don't forget to leave Barb aka Skittles a kind comment!!!!

Topic is fool. So many things/people come to mind...This is a picture of John Lennon's 1965 Rolls Royce that caused a commotion and came up when I googled fool. Google's algorithm must be really odd, donja think?


It seems like a nice Rolls to me, I mean, I'd drive it. Hehehe.

Fools. Barb such a juicy word for me. Our President comes to mind first thing. Next thing that pops into my lively brain is TEENAGE BOYS!

Newflash: Teenage boys are fools!!!! Alert the media. Call in the National Guard. Oh wait, The Prez sent our NG men to Iraq....the saddest foolish event for the past 5 years. Lord keep our soldiers safe and let them know we think of them often.

Okey dokey, back to my fools. I own two of them. One is 19 in age, 4 in brain. He has a girlfriend. We have a rule~no sexual activity unless you are me or the dadman. We're legally married and we pay the rent. This is not a motel, no 25 cent massage beds here. NO sex on premises. He pretends he hears me. Then he thinks he can sneak around. Nope. Today I said, while being distracted by the hickey on his neck(EWWWW), Boy, I said, BOY. You will be required to leave unless you follow this rule. I cannot even begin to explain how creeped out this whole idea is to me. No more warnings. Try your teeny little Acura with no back seats. Rent a room. No sex here, Mommy does not want to know about your love life. EVER AGAIN!

My other fool is 17. He is also going through a malaise. The baseball thing. His girlfriend is grounded. Blah blah blah. Odd, beer is missing from our fridge. Older one doesn't drink beer. Older knows we'd notice missing beer as he did try this once when he was 14. NO DRINKING ALCOHOL by anyone under 21. I have made this rule clear since they were 5. Kid's grades are going south in English and Chemistry. I have offered help in chem, I did get a B+ in the college version. He's being lazy in English.

Complete Fools both of them. I guess the joke's on me. Parenting really sucks right now.

Just Another Sinus Infection

It wouldn't be a school year without a sinus infection. Since I have terrible allergies I tend to be prone to sinus infections. Since I am a stubborn sucker I usually wait until I absolutely have to see a doctor until the pain in unbearable or I cannot breath through my nose for weeks. It's darn hard to sleep when one cannot breath through one's nose.

I went to Urgent Care today because I knew there was no way I could start weight lifting tomorrow. Bending over causes my head to hurt like I have an ax (hehe) in my forehead. I got me some HUGE horse size antibiotics and some percocet(lurve percocet) so my head will start draining. Hopefully what little IQ I have left won't drain out too!

JOY! I get to start algebra again tomorrow. Woohoo. My third quarter in a row. If I were still Catholic I'd ask to say one million Hail Marys instead. Or Act of Contritions. Or anything but take the class again. I feel so stupid. Please pray that will get a 2.0 or better in this class so I can have my AA by August. I need a 2.0 to tale the college level math class which is my last req for graduation. Yes I will be going to summer school.

I will be taking nutrition for nurses in summer anyhoo so what's another class? I would be bored stiff all summer otherwise.

I will most likely be unable to attend my baby brother's wedding in August because of school and because airfare is so expensive. He's getting married in Palm Springs. Which is delightfully warm in August. (Yeah like 104 degrees) He's marrying a Filipino girl and it will be huge family thing.

I did not get anything accomplished this past week between feeling kinda crummy, BBB being sick, all the freakin' A snow...! It was one of my worst breaks ever. Bleh. Except I am almost done with Jody Piccoult's newest book. It's good, thought provoking as all her books are, but also interesting. I should have some free reading time this quarter, as I only have math.

I hope everyone has a great week!!!

It's My Blog and I Can Ramble Iffen I Wanna

I'm in a strange mood. Geo's asleep and we're on different levels mentally right now. He's not into looking backwards, or inwards, or analyzing anything, and I feel like doing that. I don't want to whine about the past because I've done enough of that, however I will discuss the past without being all woe is me, k?

What happened to the girl who understood Sartre and Camus in French and was going to sit in a tiny Paris cafe sipping wine and reading the Paris Match? Perhaps allow a french artist to paint my naked body as a tribute to my beauty. (Oh yes, I read many romance novels as a youth.)Here is a definition of existentialism in which Sartre, Camus, De Beauvoir etc. were the leaders of this philosophical movement.

Speedy~Simone De Beauvoir was Sartre's lover and one of the first feminists, a strong woman who knew she did not need a man to be happy. She wrote about the lack of choices women had in the 40's thru the 70's and onward. She was ahead of the American Feminist movement but very much an influence.

For those of us educated in French culture and it's history, this philosophy made quite a bit of sense. I was 17 when I studied it just for fun.

I learned of Simone in Women's Literature Studies. She became one of my feminist hero's. She did a terrific book The Second Shift in the 80's that explained working mothers will always have household/family work to do each night after their careers. I believe the book is very relevant today.

Back to me! The child who read through the entire library by eleven years old who read for life and swam for fun? An older sister, a younger sister, a very obedient daughter. Where did my goal for a Master's in History or Literature go?

My love of history led me to The Holocaust. I was stunned. No one taught me the "real" history. 12 million people systematically executed; 6 million Jews, 6 million others for various fractions. My disgust led me to leave the Catholic church since they collaborated with the Nazis. Sick to my stomach when I learned Roosevelt sent the boat of 3000 Jews in a boat who ended up back in Germany because no country would open their borders. What the hell kind of bullshit is this? I still research this subject on my own, including psychiatric causes and ramifications. Anyone who watched Band of Brothers got just a glimpse of the true horrors.

Not that we Americans, are innocent by any definition. Small pox in blankets given to Native Americans so we could land grab. The Trail of Tears where many Native Americans were taken from their tribal land to be relocated by our government. Syphilis inoculated into an entire town of Black Americans. Tuskegee. the LSD experiments by the Government in the late 60's and 70's.

Lots of bad things. The past tends to keep repeating itself just in different areas of the world. I have no answers though I wonder how aware others are.

A simple step such as stopping on the sidewalk to listen to a lonely man makes a difference in my little sphere. Opening the door for someone. Saying please and thank you. Letting someone in front of you line because you have more items.

Guess I'm done rambling for the moment.

Just Another Saturday Night

My spring break week pretty much sucked between ill teens, spouse, my own nose that seems stuffed with hardened rubber cement. I have to start taking algebra again Monday and all I feel is a malaise. For everything. Family, school, weather, reading, anything on tv, unpacking, laundry, grocery shopping (I really dislike grocery shopping, spend lots of money and time just for the guys who suck it all down at world record breaking times), everything.

I am like Simone de Beauvoir except I have a general malaise for my life. Or lack of life. When it comes to existentialism one can never quite tell. So where's MY Jean-Paul Sartre? One needs a male who can feel and revel in the maliase togehter. Then we can eat runny cheese adn baguettes and sit in a dirty little cafe smoking foul French cigarettes...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I can be quite dramatique when I wish, ey?

Introspection and Future Comtemplation

I had way too much time to think this week. Spring break, my ass. It snowed today. All day. The beach trip was cancelled because my friend has family issues to cover. I did manage to unpack/decorate a bit. More on that another day. Want cool, one of a kind hand made things go www.etsy.com . Terrific things and I found a gorgeous piece of art glass to place in one of my many windows.

I have quite a fix Janice list before Sert 2008. Exercise, eat less sugar, better study habits, integrate housework with family and try to achieve a calmer mind.

Not trying to fix all my issues, just working towards some goals and growing up I need to do.

I have updated a post at In My Heart Forever so click that link on the right side below the Blogher ads if you are interested.

Have a flurry, swilly, friggles weekend my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random X Seven

Stacey at Real World Mom tagged me for the Seven Random Facts Meme. Due to the fact that I’m in love with Stacey, I am posting this immediately!

Post 7 random facts about yourself– The Rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


Seven Things about me:

1. I'm addicted to Etsy.com a handcrafted "store".

2. I'd rather read the book than see the movie.

3. I have 3 pet anole lizards. Zilla and Lil live in one aquarium and Biter lives by himself because he bit Zilla's tail off and made me angry.

4. I rarely drink alcohol but when I do I like ICE Wine(a dessert wine chilled well)

5. I think liars suck.

6. Humor is the reason I am not institutionalized.

7. Favorite tv show is House.

Open tag to anyone who'd enjoy doing this! :)

How A Nice Catholic Girl Ended Up on Death Row

Mama told me there'd be days like this. I guess that is why she bequethed me her favorite shovel and her commemorative Lizzie Borden Ax. Mama was such a mentor to me.

She tole me that men is skunkez. Smelly, annoying, and in your face when you least want 'em around.

I also think they are like porkypines. They fling sharp needles for no reason. Then they nivver remember to pick those arrows up off the floor. Kinda like when they change their underwear once a month. Or when the ferget to shave there fuzzy ass backs. No wimmin wants a man thatz fuzzy as a possum.

What man made the rules? Wimmins supposed to clean, cook, birth babies, wash dirty undies in the creek all at the same time. Now that is jest stoopid. I can clean, cook some raccoon and birth a baby all at the same time, but the warshing needs to be done later.

Mens also like to take their shotguns guns down and shoot at Budwhizzer beer cans after they slurp down the beer. I tells 'em and I tells 'em peoples be trying to sleep(me) they didn listen tho.

That was it. My head 'bout popped off and I git out the ax and shovel.

Now my veggie garden is grwin' real good.

Teens~Insanity Waiting to Strike

My viewpoint as I walk in house at 3:15p.m. today~BBB was lying on the couch acting lethargic with MTV blaring.

BBB thinking~So nice to lie on couch w/o mom around. Darn. They're home. Maybe if I pretend I don't see them or answer them, they will not notice me.

My thoughts~get off my couch you brat. He's using selective hearing again. I detest when he does that. Get your freaking size 11 feet off my leather couch!

BBB~HA! It's worked. I can see Mom's lips moving but I cannot hear anything. Oh wait, Dad just said to get my feet off the couch.

Me~Grrrrrrr. Rolling my eyes towards heaven knowing, just knowing, my mom's up there laughing her ass off. So not funny right now mom! I know I deserve it, but not now!

BBB~la la la la. I'm just lying on the couch listening to bad music and watching the MTV dance off. tra lal la.

Me~If I go push the 70 inch kid off the couch will he make a dent and will he scream?

BBB~snicker. The mom looks annoyed. I like that. Here I am on her couch, drinking her coke, watching her tv........I think it's time to go upstairs.

He gets up, doesn't say a word and walks upstairs.

Me~maybe I should take 10 xanax and I won't even know who is in the room or what they are watching. There's a plan.............oh my couch is open. I'm good.

Dear Mommy

You would have turned 76 today. I don't know if you ever wanted to be that old. I know when you died 11 years ago I called you Mom, but I think of you as Mommy.

As the woman who washed my blankie and let me sit next to the dryer until blankie was back in my hands.

I remember you rushing through the morning with a wild toddler, an infant, a child in school and me. I was your helper. I entertained Johnny who had no idea of how to sit still no matter where we were.

I played with our baby, Jamie. He was definitely OUR baby. The minute you brought him home and I was 6, I declared him ours. I would climb into his crab every morning at 6a.m. and play with him, delighted with his baby giggles, unminding that he smelled of urine.

You would thank me for letting you sleep in an extra hour. I was happy with the praise.

I remember planting seeds in the vegetable harden behind the house together. You told me what each seed was. Pumpkins, gourds,zucchini, cucumbers, lettuce, corn, carrots, tomatoes,other veggies I can't remember. We tended that garden all summer long. We ate salads, corn on the cob and plain tomatoes that were so yummy we didn't need to add anything. I don't know how much you remembered of that garden but it meant so much to me.

The first ten years of my life in New Jersey, especially from 5 years to 10 years old, hold all good memories. Gardens, babies, belonging to the swim club, tiger lilies growing by the roadside. Milkweed plants with monarch caterpillars on them. The sour cherry tree that left me lots of cherries in my sand box, next to the swing set. The purple martin house high on a pole where they made nests and flew around my head if I got too close.

The house that was filled with family and love. Happy Birthday Mommy. I love you.

Elegy for An Angel

A baby born March 22, 1995

8:23a.m.

7lbs 3oz

20 inches

A child dearly wanted and loved by his brothers and parents.

A child conceived in love and joy.

A baby boy so charming all loved him.

A small angel, incognito, bringing joy and adoration.

A baby who fell ill all too soon. He is the most gracious even when in pain. Through our tears we still felt lucky and honored to have his presence in our lives. Until his last minutes on earth, it was apparent to me that this child belonged to the Lord. We just borrowed him for a short time.

This is the table at the memorial. Remembering the elation instead of the trauma.

You taught me everything.

Happy Birthday My Angel.

You are alive in our hearts forever.

A Better Christian

I met a man the other day outside Rite Aid. He was a scruffy looking man but not scary. He looked as if his life may have been hard but he had a smile for me. I said hello back and what do you know, we got to talking in the 30 degree wind chill day.

This man was a veteran, grizzled beard, looked older than his 54 years. Yes, he was a year younger than McHub. He even told excused himself but told me he'd been drinking beer. He was walking or taking the bus, so I said none of my concern.

Then he told me I was beautiful(I thought maybe he's had 17 beers). He apologized and explained he knew I was married etc., he just wanted me to know he thought I was beautiful especially my smile. I said thank you.

He asked my opinion on churches in the area. He had tried several. I mentioned my church as it's less than a half-mile from where we stood, shivering. I answered all his questions.

If I were a better Christian, I would have offered to pick him up Sunday morning and bring him to one of our Easter Services. I would have offered to feed him some food that had no alcohol content. I would have cared for him as if he were my brother.

I did not do any of these things. Maybe because my faith needs work, lots and lots of work. Or because my husband would disapprove. Honestly, I have no idea why I did not offer proof of Christ's love to this man.

I did wish him a good Easter and blessed him. I think Jesus may be sad that I did not live up to His word and ideals. I agree with Jesus, I need to be a better Christian.

Things I'll Be Doing on My Spring Break

a) Celebrating my B+ on my final research paper about the portrayal of women in Hamlet!!! Yes, a BEEE PLUS! The scarecrow DOES have a brain.

b) Singing my happy little ditty, "I'm gonna be a nurse. I'm gonna be a nurse..."

c) Unpack some boxes, slowly and free of pressure.

d) Naps, naps, and more naps.

e) Comtemplate interior decoration.

f) Read the new Jody Picoult novel and the 2 Anne Rice books about Jesus.

g) Sleep in.

h) Spend the 28th-30th at the beach with a friend. Girls only~goal relaxation, beach walks, chillin', saving the world in our imagination.

People I care enough about to be concerned about

The people I think and pray for daily:

Cheryle and her family whom are having health issues.

Speedy because I know he's unhappy in his job.

Scott who's a nursing student and has much on his plate.

NTE~I worry about her because I feel it is my destiny.

Margalit and her health issues.

Twas Brillig and her look for answers about her youngest, Fuzzles.

Any parent having issues and difficulties raising their teenagers.

I'm not trying to "out" these friends, just letting them know I care and keep them close to my heart. There are other but these are the ones on my heart today.

I Am One With The Slugs

This beautiful heather is from my next door neighbor's yard. They have white and purple heather blooming right now. The cherry tree in front of out house is just about to burst into a ball of pink blossoms. Everything in the area is waiting a day or two for spring but they are so ready.

I am, however, one with slugs. I did nothing today. Okay, I did two loads of laundry. But that was it. I finished my Hamlet paper by 11 last night and then watched Sex and The City. I slept in until 9 and took a nap about 11:30a.m. And another nap about 3p.m. I have gone from def con 5 to def con minus 2. My allergies are whomping my head, my nose, my throat and my ears.

There are boxes everywhere and a kitchen to organize and things to unpack and I ignored each and every one of them. Neener-neener to those chores.

Except for my math final Thursday, I am finished with classes until March 31. I had the joy of paying $500 to retake algebra 2 again and a weight lifting class. I need to get stronger for nursing school.

Tomorrow is BBB's one month anniversary with his girlfriend, who is grounded. He wanted my input. He asked what I thought about jewelry? I almost spit my water at him. A month, 30 days, come on boy!(Though this is the child behind the great gifts his dad gets me) I hate to admit this, but I think I forget how it feels to be 16. That could be a good thing(wink).

For my pals that have worried over my stress level you can relax for 12 days or so. My slug like tendencies will continue for awhile....(NO!!!! Keep that salt away from me! Ya hear? No NaCl!!!!!)

Sex in the City

The show, you pervs. Not my life. I live in the 'burbs. I've been too whipped to have sex for 8 whole days now. It's amazing I haven't dropped dead yet. Heh.

TBS shows cleaned up reruns of Sex in the City at 11pm most nights. When I first started watching it, frankly, I wondered why ya'll watched this show. It was so New York and I'm so Left Coast I wear socks with my Birks.

It has grown on me. I lurve Chris Noth. He can be my Mr. Big any old day. (He just became a father for the first time). Blair Underwood. Oh my, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

What I enjoy the most is the friendship between diverse friends that is always supportive and strong. I'd love to have a friend or two who love me as me. I have a few friends like that I just never get to see them or they live too far away. I know, poor pitiful me. COME ON! I'm not wallowing in self-pity~that's so last week!!!

Oh and I don't get the shoe fetish. Not at all. If I wore 5 inch heals I'd trip right into the path of an oncoming bus and kill myself. No doubt about it. Kinda like me and jello shots~~~BAD IDEA!

I Am The Mom Of Teens & I Need Friends

Lucky for me a brand new blog is making it's debut today! YEAH!!!! Margalit of What Was I Thinking? and some of her coolest bloggy friends have begun a site for us moms who have older kids, like teenagers, college students, and kids who'll never leave home(my oldest). This terrific new site is called Mid Century Modern Moms.

I, being the horrid rules breaker that I am, have been peaking through the under construction tape and reading several of the posts. I found myself giggling in empathy. These women know the score when it comes to tweens, teens, angst, and my kid is being so mean!

I don't know about ya'll but some days (ok many days) I dislike my teens. I would still throw myself under a bus to save their lives but I don't like them. The Mid Century Modern Moms understand. They've been there. They are still there. They get it. They really get it.

Contests! There will be excellent gifties to those who enter contests. No, I can't tell you what the answers are.......I'm not that bad a rule breaker! Hehehe. GO NOW and say hello and welcome to our newest Mom blogger site!!!!

Who knows? You may even see me guest blogging one day!!

Please go check them out Mid Century Modern Moms

Do I Look Like An Interior Decorator?

No, I can barely dress myself, let alone decorate things. It's not my forte. I used to be much better at it. I did a ton of things when we bought our first home in 1992. Got it just the way we liked it and then Geo lost his job and we had to sell it.

This room in the picture is our family room. Yeah the wood floors look all cool, nightmare for dust collecting and accidental scratches. Today Geo went to Ikea and purchased two area rugs~one for the family room and one for the teeny "informal dining area" that we have no furniture for that purpose. The rugs are a turquoise blue with dots. It looks better than it sounds.

We also got some circle rugs(3)that match the dots on the area rugs. It a pretty modern look for us and it goes with our navy leather couch and love seat and our medium and dark oak tables.

The fireplace is stupidly over to the side of the wall and on the other end of the wall are two windows as the corner. Talk about killing my decorating space. From some jeebus awful reason, they put 2/3 oooogly small plantation shutters, so there's uncovered window for about 12 inches at the top of each window. These must be replaced with real shades in some beachy material. I'm thinking an oceany theme. Shades of blue and I have some great fish drawings(very vibrant) and some shells shadow box framed.

I have discovered ETSY and this is a very bad thing. Berry bad.

Now the rest of the house can wait except for putting away the pots and pans I never use because I'm a bad wife and rarely cook dinner.

I post some pictures when it gets a bit closer to my amorphous idea.

Geo wants me to decide where the rest of the unmatched, incomplete sets of furniture should be placed. He apparently has no opinions (HA! He'll ask me in three weeks why did you put that there?)

I have a final paper and math final to deal with. And laundry, and a wood floor that needs swiffering, and dusting (AHHHHHHHHCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!) cuz they left the dust so we'd feel at home.

My beloved readers(all 7 of you), if you don't have teens you don't know GROSS! They manage to leave crap all over the computer room, their rooms and their bathroom, which is already disgusting. (I pity the women that are dumb enough to marry them 10 years from now!!)

Reason to Lock Your Teenager in The Attic

Reasons to Lock Your Teenagers in The Attic

repost from 9/1/07

Disclaimer: Of course I am not serious about locking your teens in the attic! I personally find the dungeon much more effective! ;)


1. If they say "What--ev--er" in that tone of voice one more time and roll their eyes.

2. If they're very hormonal and have a girl/boy friend and you think they may do something really dumb! Lock them up separately, by the way.

3. They left your gas tank empty AGAIN!

4. They left the volume on the radio in the car as high as it can go and almost gave you a heart attack right there in your driveway.

5. They bring home a friend who has "prison" tats on several areas of his body.

6. They keep nagging you to take them somewhere or to buy them now clothes for school. After your 12th NO, lock 'em up.

7. They just remembered they have 10 books they need to read by Tuesday.

8. They ate all your Crunch and Munch and forget to inform you.

9. They are playing hockey inside the house again, this time they broke your favorite piece of china. This offense may be worthy of two days locked in the dungeon!

10. They haven't showered for 6 days. (This is usually 13 yo boys)

11. They drank your last Coke. (In my house the rule is last Coke is Mom's unless you want a very cranky nasty Mom who's had no caffeine.)

12. They have yet to do their chores after 4 days of asking them to please do their chores.

13. They attempt a coup d'etat against your and your spouse.(This may merit extra punishment. Crush the Revolution while you still have the chance!)

14. They borrowed one of your favorite shirts and brought it home filthy and gross.

15. They tell you at 10pm they need items for a project due at 7am the next morning.

Surprise! We're In This Together.

After my post yesterday I saw that I am not the only one struggling. That helps me just to know I am not alone.

Just last month a study came out that said people in their 40's are the most likely to be unhappy. This study covered countries all over the world and the phenomena of unhappiness or discontent in the decade of one's 40's was universal in almost every culture. We are not alone.

The good news is things tend to get better as folks get closer to their 50's decade.

I truly appreciate everyone of you that left me a comment telling me that you have issues as well.

We can help one another. Just by listening or reading in this case. I have very few people I can be totally honest with about my depression and anxiety except online. Isn't the internet awesome?

I am by nature a nurturer(DUH>that's why I'm going into nursing) and if anyone is having a really rough time please feel free to email me @ MamaKRB@aol.com.

Remember, we are not alone.

HUGS for each and every one of you!!!!

Depression is Not For The Weak

I've been cracking a bit due to the extreme level of pressures.

The pressure of moving with a husband who's a great guy but is anal and passive/aggressive.

The pressure of living with BBB who's lost his reason for being(Baseball) and who's girlfriend got grounded so no dance for them Saturday night. BBB has put maybe 13% effort into this move. Honestly, I want to hit him upside the head and tell him to suck it up. Wrong idea, I know. That's why I haven't done it.

The pressure of attempting to pass algebra 2. Guess what class I get to take again next quarter?

The pressure of trying to be a competent wife and mother.

The pressure of having enough food in the house for my teenagers to suck down like Hoovers.

The pressure of being very unhappy with my weight.

The pressure of insomnia.

The pressure of packing and sorting "things" and being brought back to 1995 when my baby was dying. The pressure of being a mother who has lost a child through a genetic illness and the knowledge I could never have any more children.

The pressure of aging and trying to accept the passage of time.

The simple pressure of massive changes in my life.

I realized I was in trouble a few weeks ago except I underestimated the power of the neurotransmitters.

I did not quite fall apart. I don't have the luxury of falling apart.

For over 12 years now I've been battling depression and anxiety. In my case one begets the other and vice-versa.

I use humor as coping mechanism and a deflector.

There are days I wonder why I'm in the world. At least I know when to get help. I've never been truly suicidal but I can understand those who are and how they think.

I suppose I'm glad I'm strong enough not to be suicidal. I know I have an inner core of steel that tends to let me know when it needs to be tempered. Now there's a silly analogy, huh? My grandfather worked in the Pennsylvania steel mills his entire life. There's irony and some really good joke in this, I can't see it right now.

The relatively optimistic and silly Janice will be back soon. I promise.

The Agony and the Ecstacy of the Dust Mites

Meet my companions the dust mites. Dust mites live off of your shed skin flakes. They love whoever's available skin flakes they can find. Grody looking, aren't they?

They live on your sheets. In the corners of your house. There are millions of them in most people's homes.

Just think of my last place. We lived there eight years. Eight years of papers coming home from elementary, middle and high school for 2 kids. My over 2000 books displayed to all including the mites.

I fear Oprah would have been at my door if she'd known we're hoarders. Not intentionally. Just by happenstance.

It's the mundane junk mail, old toys, children's artworks, old bills, stuff I could never find a proper place for.

I paid for not being organized enough in the last seven days. There was inches of dust in areas of my old place. If unmoved, it does not bother me too much. But when you get dust mites riled by moving their flakes around bad things happen.

Very. Bad. Things.

Those evil little beasties jumped all over me every time I moved an object, walked by, stood still, packed, beat my teenagers with a rubber hose, oh wait. That was another move. Never mind.

The beasties call out to my immune system,

"Neener, neener IgE's"

"Yo mast calls, yo mama is so fat she can't get through capillaries!!"

The histamine begins to get annoyed at the beasties.

"You wanna come in here and say that to my 'face' chicken mite?"

The beasties enter my nasal passages, my respiratory system, my eyes, my throat and my skin.

"You know this mean WAR!" the immune system flunkies yell. The histamines go nuts with inflammation and itchy everything and copious amounts of mucus. The IgEs add some internal discomfort by causing hives to appear. The mast cells are in a panic.

Let's just say my immune system goes commando, over the line and starts attacking itself. This is called allergies.

Hives on my neck and under my chin. Itchy red eyes. Inner ear and throating itching. Mucho mucus from places the should not be producing mucus.

Can't forget the wheezing and the constantly stuffed, yet runny nose.

I'm so happy to know I can give the beasties so much to do. I'm nothing if not accommodating.........

Just When I Think

Just when I think I have my boys all figured out and I'm ready to dissolve into the night, they completely and totally surprise me.

Makes me remember why I love them.

All 3 of my boys went out together(yes all 3 in the same car and no one is even bruised.) to the mall and bought me aquamarine earrings(to match my pendent from VDay 2006 and my ring from December) then go to Baskin/Robbins and buy me my favorite ice cream.(BTW, the earrings are a much clearer, lighter blue with a delicacy that's not in the picture.)

Damn them. They ruined a perfectly good cranky/pouty mood.

It's My Party

And I decided to invite Hugh to make my day better looking, know what I mean?

So...now I'm 46 and I Just realized I forgot to renew my drivers license. Dayam. Something else to add to the list(it's 3 miles long)for the next two weeks.

I'm done with crying for now.

My math project is not finished and I'm not sure what this will mean. Maybe I won't be getting my AA in June. That's no tragedy. I refuse to take algebra 2 over. I think my family and my sanity should come first. I won't have these options in nursing school. We'll see. If I don't get the grade I need for math, I've decided to take next quarter off.

Janice needs to take care of Janice. My body is getting pissed at me for neglecting it for so long.

In tap for summer a nursing course. Nutrition 101.

Things could be so much worse. I'm thankful to have made it to 46.

Happy birthday ME!

Thanks for all congrats on nursing school. You peeps are very special to me.

I heart you. I megaheart you. I humongaheart you. Get my drift, love ya!

Fear and Loathing Near Seattle

Update kinda: This is not fiction. I am not some psychotic attention seeking moron who tells lies to get sympathy. I don't want your sympathy or your pity. I would appreciate empathy and hugs. Everyone goes through stuff. I get that, believe me, I get that. I just needed to get the words out of me after all this moving crap.
Done. Go play on a humor blog. You'll have way more fun. :)





Warning: Mega venting ahead.

I think Hunter S. Thompson may have had the right idea. Drugs and drinking. Drinking and drugs. Maybe then I would be able to move from one place to another with my anal passive aggressive spouse without wishing I was anywhere than with him.

The teens have barely helped. Geo is not taking responsibility for the fact he told them they only had to help with their stuff.

I spent 11 hours yesterday going through things, packing stuff we keep in one set of boxes, another pile for the dump and a pile for Goodwill. Geo's all bent that I have 12 boxes for Goodwill. He thinks it's easier to take everything to the dump. Maybe he should take me there, I think I might enjoy being away from life sucking teens.

I went through boxes of baby clothes. I kept some of the things all 3 of the boys wore as eventually I'd like a quilt made out of them. Does he have an inkling how extremely painful it is for me to giveaway what little I have left of my deceased child? Not a clue.

I went through boxes left from our last move 8 years ago. Some more for Goodwill. I cannot in good conscience send perfectly good books and clothes into a landfill. Mr. Recycle doesn't quite see the irony here. Even if he did, he wouldn't care.

Mr. Procrastination (Yes, I, too, am a procrastinator) is peeving and seething cuz he gets to finish up without me. I told him, before we had even decided if we were going to get this house, that school would be an issue. I have a math project due tomorrow. My rough draft of my Hamlet research paper has an editing assignment due tomorrow and completed first draft is due Tuesday. Finals are the week after this.

I packed up the small amount of china my mom had inherited from my grandmother and great aunt. My mom has two sisters so no one got a full set of china. It's not even nice china. But it means the world to me. It is something I have left of her. Along with some pictures, that's all I have(and I'm infected with her love for knowledge and books).

Is it wrong to want to keep some of my past? Ok so dried out corsages aren't very pretty but they take little room and each of them represents an exciting time. I just found an old handwritten diary of mine from 9th-10th grade. I can't wait to read that.

I have had some profound losses in my life. Moving 2000 miles from home at 16 to a place I still don't like, Irvine, California. I was in a self destructive relationship through most of my time at UCSD. I stayed in that too long but I was filled with self loathing. We moved from the OC to the NW 18 years ago. While I'm grateful not to be close to his family, I lost much of my commonality with my family.
I lost my grandfather in 1993 and my grandmother in 1996, the same day my youngest died. My mother dropped dead at the age of 64 almost exactly a year after my son and Nana.

Because of economic fluctuations, I was forced to sell our last house before the bank took it. We went through bankruptcy before that trying to save the house. I sold my beloved Caravan(the one Brennie and I came home from his birth in) and bought some piece o' crap car. Yes, I do get attached to things. My car is like my partner, especially when I had babies and toddlers.

Now my husband has made it perfectly clear the ugly(oh babee! it is ooogley)high boy and night stand that was my parents first set of furniture in 1955, the year they were married, needs to go, it's really heavy and we don't even use except to store things I said fine. Toss it or give it away and now just shut the f up, will ya?

Geo forgets how much stuff he has left at his mother's house in Santa Barbara.

As I went through boxes I unexpectedly came upon my breastfeeding equipment and a teeny pair of socks with crabs on them. I lost it. Cried for an hour. Geo was gone at the dump or somewhere. Not that he does anything when he asks me what's wrong? Damn him. He should know by now. Does he say I feel it too ,or I'm sorry or offer a hug? No. He starts doing something else.

Oh my great Lord. The pain. Will I ever be rid of it? The full implication that I had hoped to have another child, perhaps through a donor or adoption. The excruciating realization that I will never have more kids, the fact I'm old, the fact we carry a fatal disease(that somewhere in my recovering Catholic brain is my fault for being a terrible Catholic), I know not reasonable thinking. It doesn't stop the pain.

I've been doing well with the acceptance of all this until yesterday. And today.

He just doesn't get it. Do you understand? Am I being a nostalgic old fool? Let me know.

In Like Flynn

Directly quoted from my letter:

Dear crazy midlife mama,

Congratulations! The nursing department would like to offer you admission to the 2008/2009 Practical Nursing program.

If you accept your mission be prepared to give up any life you have outside of school. We want to see you bright and early every day for toture and manipulation of your few remaining brain cells so you become the zombie student of our dreams!

We will teach you how to make beds, clean up puke and peepee, take pulses, and become a member, with the other 39 zombies classmates you will practically be living with for 11 and a half months, of the class of 2009.

Married? Not anymore. You'll only have time to see your spouse after he/she is asleep.

Have kids? You won't be seeing them very often without being a study-crazed-maniac tearing our your hair as you attempt to memorize enough info to pass the numerous exams we give you.

Nursing school. Live it. Learn it. Love it.

Or else.

I've never been so happy to pay people to torment me for an entire year. (Except the people I gave birth to.)

YEEHAW!

I've Been Waiting

and waiting. and waiting. and waiting to get my letter from the nursing program. I called and was told they mailed them yesterday. Because the vast majority of our mail goes to Seattle first I won't get my letter until tomorrow, at the earliest. DAYAM PEEPS! Why does mail traveling ten miles SE of Seattle take 2 days to be delivered? Cuz someone in the great bureacracy that is the US Postal system had their head up the ***when people started moving beyond the Seattle city limits.

So here I sit.....................waiting and waiting and waiting..............................

Happy Dance

YES! I finished my properly formatted outline for my lit class with 6 minutes to spare. WOOHOO! Life is good for tonight. I'm 24 again and I finished my homework at the minute but it's GOOD! Not as good as me pogo dancing to Billy Idol in 1982 but damn close.



Happy Friday All!!!!

Laughter, a Survival Mechanism

How does one help cheer up their 17 year old son? Have his friend bring over the gamebox and game Guitar Hero. BBB and his brother(whom BBB dislikes intensely) are upstairs giggling and yelling and trying beat each other in guitar solos. Too freakin' funny.

How do I find things to laugh about? I look around, smell the testosterone and within minutes they do something I can giggle at. Read old Bloom County books and I promise you will laugh and laugh. Catch an old episode of "Two and a Half Men", kinda dumb but really funny.

Also, I can always find a funny blog post or two each and every day. :D

Seven Things That Cause Me to Feel My Age

Check out Skittles

page to find more fabulous Heads or Tails posts!!!!


Seven things that are causing me to feel my age recently:

1. I'm the mother of a nineteen year old boy.

2. We are in the midst of moving from one place to another. Over the course of 2 weeks.

3. I'm waiting to hear if I got into nursing school for next year.

4. I'm the wife of a 54 year old, ever so slightly anal, male.

5. I'm attempting to pass an algebra 2 class and have a project due next Monday.

6. I'm the mother of an overly dramatic seventeen year old boy.

7. I'm in the midst of researching and writing an outline for my paper on women in Hamlet.

Because I can never quite follow the rules, I have a few more. I'm a naughty girl, spank me.

8. Deep restful sleep is but a memory.

9. Going up and down the stairs at the new place 84 times a day.

10. My 46th birthday is next Monday. :P~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Just Saw Myself

Nekkid in the new house's mirror in my new bathroom! OH. My. Pigginess. I'm amazed I didn't go blind at the sight. I knew things weren't the best but I had no idea. I have no idea where to start. Nutrition? Exercise? Meat cleaver?

Things do to this week: Change lifestyle. Finish moving. Write outline for Hamlet paper. Work on math project. Run away to Pacific Islands where they like their women chunky and sassy.