To All My Best Net Friends...

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I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic, prosperous and just down right FUN 2009!!!

Love, Hugz and Smootchies to you all! Je t'aime!!

Heads or Tails # 71: Watch

Watch

People watching

Watching television or a movie

Somebody's watching me

Wrist watch with a second hand~essential for any nursing student!

Watching the parade go by

Watch out BELOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

The guard is taking watch tonight

Watching the children so they don't kill one another(might just be my house)

Learn by watching

Swatch watch(super sick(aka cool))in the late '80's and early '90's

Watch me Mommy, WATCH ME!

Watching what you say

Clock watching

Night Watchman

Watch what you're doing!

Watch fob

Watch band

Neighborhood Watch

Better watch out, better not cry......

Watchtower pamphlets

Someone to watch over me

Watch and wait

A watched pot never boils

A Stitch In Time

I have been wanting to get out of the house so I decided to slice my index finger open and let it bleed all over the kitchen towel, the sink, the knife...it took me a few seconds to get my first aid kid open.

Yup. I am a moron.

Despite firm pressure on gobs of gauze and holding my finger higher than my heart...it kept bleeding. At least I missed an artery. Snort.

I let 17yo rewrap finger....it kept bleeding through.

I looked over at spouse and said, "Pretty darn sure I need stitches."

"Are you sure?!?"

"YES!!!!!", rolling my eyes almost audibly.

"I have to hit the bathroom and then I'll take you.", as he shut the door.

In my head, "DUDE! I'm bleeding here. You know, my precious type A+ completely disease free blood is oozing through another bandage...grrrr"

No question of "Does it hurt?"

We drove 15 minutes to Urgent Care because I refuse to hit that idiotic ER again.

I had no pain. I just kept the pressure on and the hand above the heart. It took 10 minutes to check in and then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Three people who were much sicker than I got in the back before I did. No problem. They looked pretty darn sick, like throwing up flu sick. I stayed far away from anyone who looked sick.

I was called back and a super cool LPN guy took my vitals and then irrigated my finger. I began to feel stinging. Ow. More sterile gauze and pressure.

I waited 30-60 minutes for the doctor. I amused myself by listening to everyone else's symptoms and diagnosing them in my head. Hey nursing students are easy to entertain.

Doctor came in and agreed that I was right and I did need some stitches. She even offered to let me do them. I think she was kidding cuz I would have loved to do my own stitches.

The most painful part~local anesthetic. OWIE.

3 lovely stitches later and a way cool finger gauze bandage later and I was finished. Doc asked if I needed pain meds and I blithely answered no way I hadn't felt anything....stupid me. It's all stingy now that the local has worn. Not agonizing but definitely an owwwwwwwwwwwwwwie.

I was a very brave girl and it got me outta the house. Snort, only in my life.

Different Than Before

No matter how much I tried, I have never quite fit into any group from elementary school to the present.

I was considered to be in middle level in high school(in the Midwest). You know, not a complete loser but not on student council either. I never wanted to be on student council. I did try out to be a cheerleader in junior high. This is pretty funny since I lack grace and coordination on land. I must have been overwhelmed with delusions of being popular in the 8th grade. LOL. The thing is, if I had made the j.v. cheerleading team, I wouldn't have fit in and I doubt I could have handled the shunning that type of clique perpetuates.

I never fit in with my family being the only girl, being the child who read obsessively, being the one who could set my mother off in less than 20 seconds.

The first time I went to college I was more interested in guys than classes and grades. What a complete waste of $12,000!

I started being boy crazy around 6th grade. I was taught by society that I could not be whole without a boyfriend. I was gullible and my self esteem was never high.

I wasted so many years thinking about, trying to attract, and flirting with males.

My point being no one can make me happy but myself. My mother did try to explain that to me. I wasn't listening. I was a teen. I never listened to her.

I still don't fit in quite anywhere and I am not happy though I am slowly working on that.

Im my perverse way I would detest fitting in as then I would not be the true me. Having my own opinions and slant on life is what makes me ME.

This is what I will be motivated to examine in the new year.

Who am I truly?

&

What will make me happy/content?

Any thought my friends?

Be Gone 2008!

After being basically trapped by snow, ice, more snow and slushy piles 12 inches high, I make this statement: This has been one of my worst school breaks EVAH!!!

The use of salt is banned here as it gets into the watershed and ends up int he rivers which end up in Puget Sound and kill little salmon babies. Two weeks of Y chromosomes and their testosterone befouling my air Ifeel little salmon babies should die so we will never be stuck inside for this long again.

Is it just me or do other people's husbands fart constantly? When I signed foe this marriage gig being unable to breath for hours at a time was NOT in my contract. What is up with middle aged men and huge amount of flatus(as they call gas in medical terms)? Like snoring at 159 decibels isn't enough? It's gross guys, completely totally stomach turning gross. :P

Why wasn't this information in the marriage manual? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??? Why do middle aged men think we should find their various disgusting odors cute? Or charming? SORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, so NOT CUTE!!!

I think I've gone over the brink to the very sharp edge of insanity........

Kicking 2008 in the Ass!

Not the greatest year for me, not the worst year. I have several friends who had the worst years of their lives. In my own way it's time to kick 2008 in the ass to send it into the past and make room for hope in 2009.

2008 meant these things to me...

Taking intermediate algebra twice.

Moving into new area and house.

Too many freakin' trips to the ER for the now 17yo.

Many months of apathy, yet I persevered and conquered my AA degree.

Making the family room into my vision of peace and beachiness.

The continued questioning of my marriage.

The happiness when I made it into nursing school.

The realization that I spent over 20 years of my life on my boys who could care less.

The knowledge I needed to let the boys go(emotionally) to screw up their lives on their own.

Grieving those little boys who were the center of my existence.

The crushing awakening to the fact nursing school is NO fun.

Learning the one must play the game to get what one wants.

Knowing that any nursing school staff cannot be trusted, at all!

Keeping in mind, the end result is worth the torture preceding it.

Sometimes I just have to wallow, not to last more than 2 weeks.

I am a grown up to the world and 25 in my mind.

Getting older kinda sucks!

Counting down to 2009~6 days left.

Happy Holidays

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I wish you each a happy and peaceful holiday.



Janice
Crazed Mom
Chasing Myself

Heads or Tails: This Time of Year

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This time of year can be quite difficult for me. My little Brennan never really had a Christmas, he was sick and dying the one Christmas he lived.

It's so hard to be enthused about the holiday now that the two older boys are 20 and 17 and would rather be with their friends. They no longer anticipate Christmas morning, preferring to sleep in and asking for cash rather than toys.

This year seems extra hard even though 13 years have slipped by since Brennan spent his one and only Christmas with us. Maybe my intensity with nursing school kept memories at bay this fall but since school has been out I've been slipping deeper and deeper into darkness and apathy.

He was nine months old in 1995. He was quite sick by December 25, yet I still felt his "self" when I held him. He had a more difficult time keeping his eyes open then from the disease that was destroying his brain. He knew when I held him. It did not matter if he could see Mommy, he could hear my heart beating and my voice as I sang to him.

We were being helped at home by Hospice of Seattle and a few pediatric home care nurses. Nights were mine. I took care of him each and every night. My husband offered to, but I could not bear to spend time away from my fading boy. My heart was breaking into hundreds of pieces that was only helped by holding and caring for my dying son.

Groups from the church, the neighborhood, the nurses' group all sent presents so my older sons, 4 and 7, would have presents under the tree Christmas morning. They brought us meals I never ate. A friend even brought dinner and a tree for us to decorate one weekend that December. The kindness of strangers has never shined so brightly for me, in those months before Brennan took his last breaths. I am eternally grateful they helped take care of our family so well.

The hope of Christmas was delivered to us by these people, neighbors, friends, strangers, hospice workers, nurses, the list goes on and on. I try to keep that hope alive in my heart all the time. I was shown the love of Christ that Christmas by many people. Even through my tears and sorrow I could see the hope and love, especially for the boys.

I will try to find it and make an effort so that my family can enjoy the spirit of joy of Christmas this week. I know their brother would want me to try. :)

In memory Brennan Reed 3/22/95-2/2/96. ^i^

Deja Vu

Snow, cold, freezing roads, stuck in the house, blahblahblah.............................................................


Damn good thing I have no weapons handy!!!!

A Blustery and Snowy Weekend

48+ hours of snow, high winds and cold. They said it would warm up today. HA! 5 more inches of snow with 4 inches more expected by 6a.m..

Then warmer weather they say. HA! We've been essentially trapped inside this house all weekend long. Spouse, 17yo and me. Fun, fun and more fun. Kid was bored after 2 hours. Love the attention span our high tech, texting, smart phone carrying kid have these days.

I said read a book. He hysterically laughs at me as he claims, "I've already read a book this year Mom. Jeesh!"

I have to wonder what my book obsessed mother would say about her grandson now? Would she consider him sweet as she did when he was 13 months old? He climbed into her lap with one of his favorite books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Now she would even be able to get down low enough for the ground to get into his car. My mom had severe RA and could not lower herself at all physically speaking.

I can imagine her face now. "Told you so. Bwahahahahha. Now you know how I used to feel."

The truth is she's right, now I know. :P

The Frozen Tundra

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It's freaking cold. 15 freaking degrees. The snow stopped but it's too cold to go out. CABIN FEVER TIME!!!!!

I finished one book now onto the next murder mystery.

I can't think of more fun on a vacation, can you? :P

Misery Loves Company

After talking to several of my classmates, I've found I'm not the only one befuddled by some of the grade drops on report cards.

I have to wonder why I'm paying so much money to be miserable?

The entire program and the feedback we get seems to be geared to make us question ourselves and whether we want to be nurses. We get very teeny bits of positive feedback compared to large amounts of negative feedback.

I'm off to read some totally mindless fiction. Maybe I can dig myself out of this funk....

Hanging In The Tree

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I got my grades today. I'm slightly ambiguous about the results. Tell me what you think. I'm including nutrition from summer as that is a nursing class too.

Nursing Fundamentals 91%
Clinical 83%
Computers and Nursing 91%
Pharmacology 95%
Nursing Delivery Systems 100%
Nutrition 96%

Several of these grades dropped from 94% to 91% after they were calculated as someone did not know how to weigh certain assignments and tests. :P

I plan on doing better next quarter.

WOOHOO ONE QUARTER DOWN!!! Three to go.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I know many of you across the country are suffering from cold, snowy, icy and windy winter weather. IT SUCKS! I was trapped at home today because of the two whole inches of ice on the roads. The folks that live in my neighborhood couldn't control their cars let alone the fools across the county.

Hey peeps! Ice is slippery! Honest! DO NOT accelerate too fast or slam on your brakes you MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grew up driving in snow and ice but I trust no one else in the road.

I did not get my trip to Barnes and Noble. I really needed my trip to B&N. I need some escape from my reality. The reality of my spouse making me feel disliked, ungrateful and lazy. The reality of my teenager getting all bent when I showed him some of the attitude he constantly shows me. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, how DARE I? He stormed out of the house and my spouse glared at me because all the bad in life is my fault. Yeah, yeah.

It was extremely sunny on the now and ice causing my eyes to almost run away in protest. Even with all blinds and curtains closed it was still very bright. YEOUCH!, my eyes yelped. I did not know my eyes could talk, or maybe that's just my early onset cabin fever............

I pray and hope all my pals are staying safe, warm and sane(unlike me)this week. HUGZ

Grateful/Not Grateful

With our temps here in Seattle going down to the teens for the week and the 5-6 inches of snow on the ground I thought I'd mention a few things I am grateful for.

1. Central Heating

2. Electricity

3. Warm Clothing

4. A roof over my head

5. TV News which loves to panic the entire NW when we get snow and cold.

6. Santa has a sleigh and not a VW bug

7. How pretty the snow is when I have no where I have to be.

I am not grateful for several "things"

1. Cranky spouse, 17yo who thinks he knows how to drive in snow, 20 yo who thinks he knows how drive anywhere in an condition

2. Kids home from school/work

3. Cranky spouse who yells at teen on phone and fish eyes me as if it's all my fault

4. My persist ant low grade sinus headache

5. Another lizard bit the dust



Please add your own grateful/not grateful lists!!!!!!

The Scourge of Mucus

I hate to discuss this sordid area of life...I have mucus, lots and lots of mucus. Most of it grows in my nasal cavities and then slimes down my throat or clogs up my nose so I cannot breathe through my nostrils.

I have to say, I am sick and damn tired of mucus. It starts gearing up on January when the cedar and juniper pollen begins production. Pollen is the way all the trees and shrubs and grasses and weeks and flowers have sex. I think botanists needs to invent biovegetative condoms. I am serious.

Why should I be miserable a majority of the year from pollen and dust that cause mucus to go into overdrive in my mucus membranes? I've seen the cranial sinuses the head holds. Teeny little spaces that should not mathematically be able to produce 6 tons of mucus in 6 hours..........but it does.

I want to start a new movement~Safe Sex for Plants...Put condoms on all your plants, shrubs, trees and give those of us with allergies a break. Please.

I Am Temporarily Free

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All the finals are finished. All assignments handed in. I am free from the responsibility of studying, attending classes, doing group thought, going to clinicals...three weeks to pretty much do as I like.

First~catch up on sleep and sanity.

Second~try to banish evil queen director from my short term memory.

Third~perhaps I'll tame the ginormous dust bunnies with whips.

Fourth~lots of reading.

Fifth~hang on the nets.

There are so many possibilities! :)

My Favorite Subject and 2 Down, 2 to Go

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(these are the meds everyone who went to Speedcat Hollydale's Christmas party needs to take and NOW! They are all complete PSYCHOS!)

I took my pharmacology final this afternoon. Damn, I love this subject. My brain just absorbs all the weird names, the chemicals and how they work, and it's just fun. I was giggling at some of the wrong answers my prof. made up. All of our test are multiple choice so 3 answers are wrong. She used the word Foslmax, making fun of the anti-osteoporosis drug Fosamax. Note fossils are bones that have petrified to rock over time. Wink. I think I rocked the test.

I have two 93% in the two classes that are finished. Nursing and Computers and Fundamentals. 93% equals a 3.3 in the nursing program. This angers me greatly. I'm doing A work but on my transcript they will be Bs. Argh. Normal grade points for a 93 is a 3.6-3.7. Enough about my anal fixation with g.p.a.s.

Open book final at 8 freaking early a.m. and a total unknown lab final at 10a.m. No matter what I'll be FREE at noon. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I wish all my friends a delightful day and prayers for Maunie who is having back surgery today. HUGZ to everyone!!!!

One Down, Three to Go

Took 15 whole minutes to take my fundamentals final today. Pharm tomorrow, delivery system and lab finals Thursday morning. Then I shall be free. Free of evil directors giving me the death stare, free of crazy ex car pool partners, free of clinicals and fear of clinicals. Free. December 12-January 5. Free.

Even More Crazy

(17yo summer 1992)


As if gun toting thugs, car thieves, and death threats haven't been enough in the past 8 days...tonight my 17yo got rear ended by another teenager going to the same place. They were on their way to Young Life a Christian youth group that meets at the high school.

He's ok, I guess. He hit his elbow on his steering wheel and his should/neck hurt from the seat belt. I gave my typical advil and ice medical solution. Because 1) I have a final at 9a.m. tomorrow and 2) I freaking ass detest our ER and 3) I am a terrible mother. No blood, not knocked out, he wasn't crying so I assessed the patient as a priority tomorrow after final also known as PTAF!

Gosh golly geesh. I have to wonder why my anxiety level may be elevated recently. Cripes. I'm beginning to think we're cursed.

My First Death Threat

After a week of presentations in pharm and nursing delivery systems, it's time to study for those four wonderful finals for nursing 102, 104, 105 and 116.

You should have seem me playing a high school drug dealer in my pharm presentation. I had my hoodie up over my head and skulked around the classroom. I have a plastic baggie of rx drugs to sell.......................(all were OTC drugs) but my pharm teacher rushed to the front of the room to check my supply cuz she though I might be dumb enough to carry illegal oxycontin and morphine around. I LMAO. In fact, I kept the class laughing throughout my presentation. Did you know they are calling this high school group Generation Rx? Except for marijuana prescription drugs are the most abused from the ages of 12-adulthood. DON'T BE A THUG, REFUSE TO DO DRUGS!

My CPP did not appreciate it when I teased her(she yelled at me. very mean. Janice is NOT NICE!!<Janice you are so mean!asked several of classmates to kill me with overdoses of insulin. SERIOUSLY. I won't be carpooling next quarter. If I wanted to deal with temper tantrums I would teach preschool again. It was my first death threat ever!! Good thing my fellow students like me better. =:-O

Tomorrow I will begin reviewing my notes, reading asignments and my index cards.

What will you be doing this week?

My Letter To Santa

Please go read my letter to Santa over at Santa's Community Blog today! Then let me know what you would like from Santa this year!

Love you all & extra hugs,

Janice aka Crazed Mom

Ways to Avoid Confrontations With Your Spouse

Repost, one of my favs.

Ways to avoid conflicts(and/or meetings) with your spouse...

1. Build a treehouse in the closest grove of trees and go live there for the weekend. Remember to bring blankets and pillows, your laptop(cuz all laptops plug into trees and all trees have wifi!), snacks and drinks. Try not to leave a trail of breadcrumbs unless you want to be found.

2. Act like you have a cold/allergies and your ears are all clogged up and you can't hear any thing! Keep saying "WHUT?", have the tv turned up very loud, fake a cough here and there and yank on your earlobs to try and "clear" your hearing up.

3. Keep your iPod earbuds in your ears at all times! Once again, if you see hubby gesturing just yell,"WHUT?" and point to your ears.

4. SLEEP for 24 hours. No decent man will wake you up just to argue with you. Of he does try to wake you up just scream at him for being so selfish and stomp back to bed and or your car and lay back down.

5. Wake up early and leave a note saying you're spending the day with a friend in need and will not be home until very late. Now go spend the day however you want to.

6. Tell hubby you have a massive project due Monday and spend all day at the library. No man will scream in a library and if they do, the librarians will kick them out!

7. Fake a migraine. Lie in a dark room with ice on your head(and a book & flashlight hidden under your pillow) and moan anytime you hear noise, see light or feel movement.

8. Run away from home, check into the Four Seasons, get a massage in your room and enjoy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know!

A Funny Repost While I'm at Clinical Today

Signs You Might be an OLD Fogey:

1. You get all bent outta shape because a building has gone up in 2 days w/o you noticing until it's done. You drive by, do a classic retake and wonder how the heck you missed that?!!

2. It makes you sad when you realize certain stores have closed down and replaced with an Ebay Store! (BTW, what does one do in an Ebay store?)

3. You cannot make out any lyrics in a rap song except for the nasty epithets.

4. You miss Johnny Carson. (Even the fact you remember Johnny Carson!)

5. Your teenage children point out how "uncool" you are all the time.

6. The first TV your family owned was either a black and white version OR you had to get up and physically change the channel.

7. Gas used to .99 a gallon and darn it, you want that price back now!

8. You find yourself muttering ,"Darn teenage drivers!"

9. You mention how great "some celebrity" is looking to your spouse and then ya realize said celebrity is your age or younger! (Botox is a MIRACLE for some folks.)

10. You miss the days when David Letterman was cutting edge humor.

11. The names of new bands make you wonder what kind of nutjobs are in the music biz nowadays.

12. You use phrases like nowadays! Snort.

13. Your MySpace page never gets any inappropriate comments. :(

14. Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, and Xuqa are completely unrecognizable names.

15. You have no clue what a social utility is. (Speaking as a parent of teen boys you might want to check your child's computer for social utilities...)

16. "Roots" was an original and thought-provoking mini-series the first time you watched it.

17. You can recall when Farrah Fawcett looked GOOD and/or you owned one of her famous posters.

18. Charlie's Angels was a TV show and NOT a movie.

19. Your ever-so-kind 16yo hears one of your favorite songs and lets you know he thinks "The remix of said song is way better!" (Took me awhile to comprehend what a "remix" was. I consider a remix a terrible thing that happens to great music!)

20. You are completely unaware that Painkiller Jane was a TV show on Sci Fi. Worse, you never knew there was a Sci Fi channel!

21. Your kids cannot believe you used to live without a home computer, a cell phone, an answering machine and you never felt deprived.

22. You owned a Walkman cassette player and thought you were so COOL!

23. You still own any cassette tapes or vinyl albums or an 8 track player!

24. Walking everywhere when you were 13 was not a hardship.

25. The first computer you owned was a clunky Apple that did not have a color screen.