Never Forget

Never forget our soldiers. Those who are deployed and those who are stateside.

Being a soldier is a difficult job in many ways.

Being the family of a soldier is difficult as well.

Please remember all of our soldiers, their families, and our veterans in your prayers each and every day.

Just because the media doesn't always spotlight how much our soldiers do daily, they still need to be remembered, to have our gratitude, and our prayers.

Thank you from an Army mom.

Feeling My Age

Hanging out with 20-22 year olds really emphasizes the fact I'm halfway to death. I'm more than twice their age. It was when they called a 29 year old a "cougar" that I realized I'm ancient.

Even with my losing weight, exercising, eating right, and taking my fish oil supplements I am wearing out. After walking around all day yesterday with the handsome and young privates, I sat down for 30 minutes, got up and oh my goodness felt the stiffness and pain in my knees and my hips. What's up with that crap?

Who the hell gave osteoarthritis permission to take up residence in my body? Sure the freak wasn't me!

I'm not in major pain, it's just annoying. Annoying to be reminded I have been on this earth almost a half century. WTF? When did that happen? I swear I was 35 just a few weeks ago! I was just 28 several weeks before that.

I clearly remember the sweet blue eyed and blond toddler/preschooler/elementary schooler.....as if it was yesterday. The now out of his teens soldier. Wow. The sweetness hidden behind the rough soldier exterior.

McArmy thanked me for bringing him some of his stuff, cleaning his room, filling his cupboards, and just being here with him bringing some "home" and family to him.

I already miss him and he's just 3 miles down the road.

See ya soon McArmy. You're always and forever in my heart no matter how many miles from home you may be.

Farewell to my youth....getting older is better than not getting older.

Mixed Blessings

Spending time with McArmy and his army buddies is an education.

I've learned more about what they went through at basic, McArmy and one buddy in same platoon, two other buddies in different company and time.

I've also learned how wonderful all the army folk are to the FNGs (F'ing new guys). It's not like Deliverance but it's also not like Animal House. It's most definitely a male infantry thing. It's beyond this college girl's comprehension, which is why I never joined the Army. LOL.

I will now be able to picture the places McArmy hangs as I've visited them with him.

I want to have commissary access at home! Dang, food is way less expensive!

I filled the boy's cupboards and frig. He has a microwave and a stove top but not an oven. There is freaking sand everywhere in the trailer. No way to keep it out. Makes dust look good!

I have four privates down in the hotel pool and I better go check on them. It's a wise thing to do.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the resurrection!!

Now This is Service!

I am currently sitting on my bed in the El Paso Airport Marriott hotel. Great view of downtown at night!

The tv in my room was blurry and would have given me a wicked headache if I'd watched it for more than 3 minutes. I called guest services.

A maintenance man was sent up immediately. He checked it and switched the tv out for a new one. Perfect picture in less than 10 minutes.

Pretty good service.

Guest services called 3 minutes after the man left to check if I was satisfied and needed anything else. I said it was great and no, I did not need anything else done.

5 minutes after the phone call came a knock on my door. It was the lovely guest services woman with 2 huge chocolate chip cookies, vouchers for free appetizers, and an apology for the wonky tv.

Wow! I adore companies with excellent customer service and this hotel rocks!!

I give it 2 thumbs up.

Travel Day

Time to go visit the heart of Texas. Flying out of windy, rainy, chilly Seattle for the 90 degree and sunny weather of El Paso.

I awoke to a sweet text from my son; "Can't wait to see you Mom!" Back at ya kid!

My wish is that we get some renewal this Easter weekend. I have some treats I'll place out for the men at home and I'm bringing a few with me.

I have an interview Tuesday for a night shift position at a SNF.

Yesterday evening I received another call about going back to the old job.

Easter is a time of rebirth...who knows where my nursing career is headed?

Have a great weekend all! Don't forget to bite the ears off a chocolate bunny.

I'll be posting pictures soon.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the resurrection!

The Apple Did Not Even Land Near The Tree

I am a liberal, anti-weapon, anti-war kind of person. I preached the turn the other cheek philosophy to my sons. I also advised them to walk away from from bullies trying to provoke physical fights.

I thought I was imparting a love one another Christian based life lesson, not to mention a don't get suspended from school for fighting ideology.

I have tried to practice these in my life.

McArmy went off the reservation when he expressed his love of guns. He left me with a "Wha da?" once I learned he enjoyed target practice and the thought of blowing objects all to hell. To my knowledge he has never blown anything up except under the auspices of training in the United States Army. With the exception of fireworks purchased behind my back and set off far from my property.

He called me today all psyched because he got to shoot off 300 rounds with his M4(I may have the model of his rifle incorrect) at targets far away. This must give him immense surges of adrenaline cuz the boy was pumped up. The fact he was quite accurate just added to his excitement.

Where did this kid come from?

I have never even held a gun. Never wanted to hold a gun. I have never considered blowing up anything. I detest fireworks. Especially illegal fireworks that have a tendency to blow reckless operators fingers to bits. I dislike the noise and get absolutely no thrill from a bottle rocket shooting 50 feet into the air.

I understand wanting to serve our country. I remember watching the airplanes fly into the second tower live on television with McArmy who was 10. I understand wanting to protect our citizens from another attack on our soil.

He did not fall near the tree. Or even in the same orchard. My spouse has never been into weapons. His weapon of competition was a tennis racquet. Hunting is not something we participated in. My favorite weapon is wit and sarcasm.

I'm not saying my son is wrong in his choices. I'm saying I don't know where he got his desire to do things that have never been a part of who his father is or who I am.

Maybe he isn't an apple but a pear.

Leaving metaphors behind, he is his own unique self. Interesting, isn't it?

Change of Plans, Again

I'll be flying down to Texas on Thursday. The truck's not quite ready to be driven down so McArmy gets to spend Easter weekend with his mom instead.

We were hoping he could fly home for the this weekend but those plans did not work out. C'est la vie.

I will conquer my dislike of flying and head on down to southern Texas for several days.

I have reservations at a hotel and for a rental car. I'll take McArmy off base and spoil him for a short period of time. Then before I fly home, I'll take him food shopping. He does not have a dining facility (aka DFAC) near him on base. His temporary(but not as temporary as he'd hoped) housing is a fairly nice trailer. It just happens to be located in the middle of nowhere.

I think most of the area of Texas he's in is the middle of nowhere but that's just me. LOL. I'm most definitely a Northern girl.

McArmy is a private and privates don't get paid very much. Kinda hard to afford food and stuff especially with threatened government shut downs and all.

I'm becoming quite the cross country traveler lately.

Thank goodness my phone has navigational maps on it. I know I'll be needing that app this weekend!

All I can say on Thursday is HELLO TEXAS!

What To Do?

Keep walking on the edge? Picking up rent-a-nurse gigs and hoping to find employ in a more encouraging and learning environment or go back?

(Chewing my bottom lip.)

Misc. Thoughts

I've come a long way since I graduated nursing school.

I've lost over 50 pounds in the past 12 months, give or take a month. It started with a walk around the block. That's really all it takes to begin to change your lifestyle.

The way I eat has morphed into a whole grain, non processed, organic, no high fructose corn syrup, fruit and veggie filled array of food. I still have treats like Ben & Jerry's or a small Hershey's chocolate bar once every few weeks. I don't miss the high sugar or the fat at all.

I've learned so much about the real life basics of nursing in the real world. There are aspects of nursing in which I excel. I still need to work on time management but I can run up stairs, walk quickly, assess certain situations at a glance, deal with patients in a caring yet efficient manner, and these are skills I did not possess a year ago.

My confidence and willingness to jump in head first have grown exponentially. I wish I had leapt into every clinical opportunity that was presented while I was in nursing school, hindsight and all that.

If, no when I get my RN/BSN I'll take every opportunity to do whatever I'm allowed. Hands-on is the best way.

I accept the fact I will make mistakes but admitting those mistakes and taking action to correct them helps to mitigate errors or accidents.

Every situation brings new opportunity to grow personally and professionally. Even if the situation is painful. I'll never like the pain but I can see the benefits that result.

Being proactive in all aspects of my life helps to alleviate some anxiety. The old saying about keeping physically busy does help ease the mind. My mother was right all those years ago!

Learning how to accept things I cannot change is a difficult lesson but also liberating. I'll be working on this one forever. Hour by hour and day by day I slowly grasp the concept of letting go.

I remember thinking being a grown up would just happen and then I'd be done. Silly, wasn't I? The journey continues until I die. That's a good thing.

Tell me what you've learned in the past 18 months. I'd really love to hear from you. Let's pool our wisdom. So to speak. LOL.

Quandaries and Other Sundries

Yesterday was frustrating.

"My" med carts were a disaster. Cards out of place, dividers missing, certain medications that aren't part of cycle fill not ordered, etc.

I received a very warm welcome from almost every resident. It pulls at my heart.

I still don't know what to do about going back because I have a feeling things won't change quickly.

I am going to spend several hours this evening organizing those med carts on my own time. My conscience demands it. (Yes I'm a sucker and I know it. It was my idea.) My good deed for the week.

My lower back and feet let me know how out of condition I've gotten in 2 weeks. Even the 20 minute hot shower wasn't very helpful. I can do the carts from a sitting position. Yeah.

McArmy is with his unit. He's "celebrating" with some of the guys. I will never understand male bonding rituals.

My weekend will be devoted to reading the three books I'm already into. I also plan to walk, to set up some dog training with an instructor, maybe a glass of wine or two, and church on Sunday.

Have a great weekend all and be good to yourselves!!!

A Hey! They Really Want Me Conundrum!

I filled in at my previous job today. It was gratifying to see how may residents wanted me back full time. I felt like Mother Theresa for oh, 10 seconds or so. I do love my peeps.

They weren't the only people that wanted me back.

I essentially have a job offer on the table. Because of some of the management changes that have happened in the past 10 days or so.....I'm tempted.

Some other staffing changes are in the works which would put me into a supervisory role and perhaps allow me to run things the way they're supposed to be run.

A big reason they'd like me back is the facility is due to go through state review some time after May 1.

However, the staffing ratios that concerned me will still be low.

I could train someone in the conscientious/responsible methods I employ.

Tempting.

I may be able to get MY BFF from nursing school a position there.

I just don't know. Some of the issues that caused me concern are still going to be there. Yet I have a chance to make sure the residents get the care they deserve.

Give me your feedback my friends. Help me see clearly. Give me your best shot~so to speak. Thanks.

Fast Moving World

I picked up 3 days work as a rent-a-nurse for next month. Great pay. Fun job. I'll be doing wellness testing/counseling at a huge tech company for their insurance carrier.

I was also call to work at my previous position all day tomorrow. Fun because I know the ropes and because I know it's just one day. I've missed many of my residents and even a co-worker or two.

There have been several changes that happened in the 10 days I haven't been there. It will be interesting to see if the changes are a positive thing.

Still thinking about a road trip. Beginning to think it would be fun and distracting. Nice to see McArmy and his new surroundings and off load some of his things.

McArmy has been placed and is excited to be reporting to his unit in a few days.

I've never been to Texas or New Mexico. Oh wait, I spent several days at a resort in Grapevine several years back but all I saw was DFW. And several friends who came to visit the resort. I haven't driven down the coast in many years. Maybe I could stop in Vegas and win a million dollars. HA! Because I'm such a Vegas kind of gal.

Pupples is sacked out beside me from his walk today. I tried out a new harness guaranteed to stop pulling. I had it on him wrong, I think. He did, however, stop pulling. He also tried to eat the harness after I took it off him. Pretty amusing.

What kind of Wednesday did you have?

Quick Note

I have a phone interview for a rent-a-nurse wellness gig in 10 minutes so this will be short and sweet.

I am attempting to train the dog after close to 2 years of all members in this family being too lazy to be consistent. It's slightly frustrating trying to teach a 23 month pitbull to heel. But I continue to attempt to teach my Pupples that pulling will only get him nowhere. I am doing this without getting angry. Huge achievement for me. I just keep stopping and saying heel quietly, when he stops pulling we begin to walk again. We're both learning!

Thinking about driving McArmy's car to Texas. It's only 2000 miles. Since I am conveniently unemployed I am considering this mission. Never have I driven anywhere near that distance alone. It could be an adventure.

Wishing everyone is having a good week!

Pointless Anxiety

I just finished vacuuming areas in my house that haven't seen a vacuum in a long time.  What can I say but YUCK!?!

Between my hair and Pupples' hair I don't think their was a square inch of bald carpet anywhere. BLEAH!

I then spent many minutes cleaning out the brush bar of the vacuum. I needed a small pair of scissors to help. Double yuck and a grody!

I am amazed there is any hair still on my head and that Pupples has not transformed into a hairless variety of canine. There was that much hair stuck in the bristles.

Doing this gross yet mundane chore kept my mind occupied. That is a good thing.

I am a worry wart. (Yet another disgusting description.)

I worry about finding another job even though I've been unemployed for about 9 days. I've sent in numerous online applications. I found spelling errors in my resume AFTER I had sent it to several places. Whoops and an argh! What a dork. I went back and fixed two of them. Sigh. It's done. Worrying about it is pointless. I know this. I swear I know this. My unconscious brain does not.

I worry about McArmy, who's in the limbo the Army calls "in-processing". He has been in Texas for about 8 days without knowing exactly which unit he'll be joining. The Army has a wonderful "sponsorship" program for newly arrived soldiers. I know because I've done my internet research. There's a catch.

A soldier is not assigned a sponsor until he's been assigned a unit. DER!

McArmy has been placed in temporary housing on the far side of the base. He has no transportation, no map, no guidebook, no anything to explain where he might find a dining facility or a store. The Army must be prepping him for the day he's blindly dropped into unknown territory and must figure out methods of survival. The Army is a government agency..........need I say more?

My brain sends signals to my anxiety center. It wakes me up at 4 in the morning in a cold sweat wondering if the coyotes are going to eat my youngest son.

Not really. But you get the general idea.

I'm trying to find a way to short circuit the worry signals that's drug free. Vacuuming is not a cure but it helped for about an hour.

I'll take what I can get.

What methods do you use to lessen your worries?

Stop Being Stupid!

Dear Congress~


STOP BEING STUPID!!


For once in your political agenda filled lives, think about the people you're affecting with the probable closure of the government.

Think about the soldiers who are barely getting paid enough to feed themselves and their families.  Think about our soldiers' children who could go hungry.  Think about our soldiers who are currently fighting battles on foreign soil who now have to worry about what's going on at home.  THINK.

Closing the government is going to fiscally cost more than keeping it open.  Stop worrying about getting re-elected and think about who this closure will harm.

Get over yourselves and stop and think.

Speaker of the House~think.  Stop your agenda.  Keep the government running.

Mr. President~think.  Putting your veto on a possible week long extension is going to do more harm.  Keep the government running.

Stop being stupid and just get it done.

The Computer Age

I've been applying for jobs online.  That is the only way many companies will take job applications these days.

In the old days, say, last year, a nurse could walk in to a facility and apply on the spot and hand in her resume.

Not so today.

I've applied for 6, maybe 7, jobs this week.  All of them were online applications.

One company also asked bizarro psych questions as a part of the basic application form.  Let me tell ya, these questions were strange. I don't think I want to work for a corporation that asks skeevy questions of every applicant.  It was the first process of applying for a job, why the in depth psych portion?

Just a few minutes ago I was locked out of one company's online job application site because when I correctly answered what year I graduated high school, the web site said I was wrong.  I tried again.  Then I tried a different year.  Badabing! I'm now locked out for a day.

Is technology making our lives better?  Tonight I wonder.  Do any of you have similar or more interesting experiences with online applications?  Do share please!  Help me feel less like a dork!! I could use the help~LOL!

Cliff Jumping

Wow.  This is one steep cliff.

The sheer and daunting face of it covered with crevasses and jutting ridges of rock.

Time to just JUMP!

The past 23 years have been spent putting another's welfare before my own.

From the moment I knew I had a child on the way, the child became the point of all I did.

With each successive child my needs slid further into the background.

It was the kind of mother I was.

The all or nothing kind.

Now those children are grown.

My first identity as a mother necessarily needs to fade.

I take a deep breath and look over the edge.

I cannot see anything from my viewpoint.  It's there, I just can't put it quite into focus.

I pray I don't splinter into a million small pieces.

Another deep breath.

It's time.

JUMP!!!!!!

Drawing A Blank

After spending the latter part of last week sick I'm trying to put together my resume.

I think the fact my mind is blank when it comes to descriptive phrases to fill in my last 7 months of job experience is a sign of a) exhaustion; b) stress; and/or c)the fact not a single neuron survives in my head.

It's going to be a long day.

Losing My Identity

I knew it would happen.

I knew I had absolutely no power over this.

I am no longer an involved mother.

Actually, not a mother in the present tense of the word.

I have been informed, quite rudely, that my services as a mother are no longer wanted or needed.

That'll teach me to procreate.

I have no pithy comments.

No humorous anecdote to add.

All I have is a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.

And a thought~what were my original motivations when I chose to have children?