Quick Notes

Was at school from 11:45a.m.-9:30p.m. Long freaking day. My math class is bizarre but teacher is kind and explained it all and gave me some time to catch up homework. He's quite the charachter. Bad thing: room was 85 degrees. A/C broken in that building.

Got scan tron for nuitrition quiz and ran into Christine a new LPN to be student in our class this fall. She's in my nutrition class. We tried to figure out what we needed to study, if we had anything due, and ran through chapter 2. Punam (AP classmate from last fall, immigrant from India, smart as a whip, already has masters is sociology from school in India.) Discussed quiz content and then I went to chill in my car. FYI science center building has best A/C on campus and sitting on marble floor cools one ever more!

Have I mentioned I detest weather over 65 degrees?

Aced quiz. Got out early. Hung with other nursing student who's older than I tho she claimed to be 34....hah! Funny, sweet, sarcastic, nice, and I can't remember her name to save my life.

Got home around 10 and should be doing math homework but my brain is in a fetal position and wants rest and cool air. Temp has cooled down outside but house is still cooling off.

Spouse fed my anoles, took BBB to gf's and bought me almond M&M's....maybe he feels guilty for rejecting my hot body last night?

That's all she wrote. Hugs to all my fans(all 8 of you. ;P)

A Birthday and a Biography

October 2006


Did I stumble into hell when I wasn't looking? Nothing like Seattle weather~~65 degrees one day and 90 the next. My body can't acclimatize that fast.

Today is my MIL's 85th birthday. Happy Birthday Ta!

She was born in Indonesia when it was known as the Dutch East Indies. She was from a colonial family. It was a very good life before the Japanese invaded illegally in the 1930's. Ta had to stay in her village. To leave they needed permission and they had better be back when they were supposed to.(My FIL was in a POW camp and that was nasty with rotten food, torture, back breaking work.)

After WWII, in 1949 the Indonesians became an independent country and kicked all the Dutch and their relatives out. They moved to Holland. Guess what? Holland did not want them either! They were of some mixed heritage plus Holland has very little land and living space.

Ta met my FIL somewhere and they married. They rode bikes around as the streets of the Hague(capital city if the Netherlands aka Holland) were too narrow for cars. She had two children, my SIL and 17 months later my spouse.

In 1956 they immigrated to Santa Barbara, CA USA. They lived with a sponsor for several years before buying their own house. My MIL still lives there. There are many Dutch Indonesians in the Southern California area and in the Vancouver, Canada area as well.

My sweet MIL did what her husband told her to do, that was the way.(I would have poisoned his lima beans). My spouse grew up in a European family until the early 1970's but it was more like the 1950's in his house.

My mother in law is one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. She adores gardening and her grandchildren and keeping track of old family friends and members.

The poor woman spent the night before her birthday in the ER. She had a nosebleed that could not be stopped. She on a blood thinner and even the after cauterization her nose wouldn't stop bleeding all the way. They inflated a very small balloon in her nose and sent her home. I hope she was able to sleep but somehow I doubt it.

What an interesting and challenging life she has lived.

Events That Have Shaped Me

WARNING: No pity allowed. Bad things happen. Then I move on.

Born healthy in March early 60's.

Loved by parents, had carefree childhood until age 10.

Moved to Midwest. Adapted and enjoyed happy preteen and early teen years. Typical "nice" girl teen with some spice thrown in.

Moved to Southern California November my junior year. Miserable. Very angry and made sure my parents shared in my pain. Radiated anger in general without realizing it.

Took SAT's May jr yr. Rocked my verbals. Got recruited by many West Coast liberal arts colleges.

Applied to colleges early senior year. Choose campus by nearness to ocean and how far from parents. Not the best way to choose a university.

Graduated high school. Enjoyed orientation at UCSD.

Began UCSD in fall.

Met manipulative male in January.

Sucked in by March.

Moved in together by next October.

Allowed myself to be mentally abused, mental cruelty, subtle disintegration of the what little self esteem I had.

Began to fall apart academically.

No support systems. No idea who to ask for help. Too stupid to know I needed help.

BF had effectively isolated me from anyone who could help.

BF began getting physically violent every few months.

With help of my younger brother finally completely broke things off with dick for brains.

Spent several months dating casually and recovering my self confidence.

Asked by UCSD to take a quarter off to re prioritize.

Starting dating hubby.

Moved in after 8 weeks.

Married after 6 months.

Moved to San Diego to Irvine.

Had first miscarriage. I was 24.

Pregnant at almost 26, gave birth when 26 and a half.

Fell madly, irrationally in love with my son.

Even though lonely as few mothers stayed home I adored the first 16 months of BPB, spouse and my family.

Began to realize certain outlaw was a nutjob with a real mean streak.

Moved to Bellingham, WA making 42K a year(a fortune!)and paying $400 for a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment.

Suffered many outlaw visits.

Spouse travelled often 1-2 weeks a months.

Joined Mommy and Me classes at Vo-tech and made some terrific friends.

Pregnant again when BPB was 20 months.

Moved up to rental house with a sweeping view of Bellingham Bay.

Gave birth to BBB after a few hours labor, 3 pushes. YOOHOO.

Became SAHM. BPB did co-op preschool, BBB rode in the backpack.

Bought our first new car ever, a Dodge Caravan. We be yuppy now.

Bought our first house June that year. Surrounded by trees, creeks, deer, various flora and fauna and I adored that house. WE both loved that house. I decorated, on a budget, and was proud to have people visit.

Spouse lost job.

Put house up for sale.

Spouse got new, better paying job the same day we sold house for 26K more than we paid.

Moved to Seattle area.

Bought brand new house. Discovered it was a money sucking pit. Had a 2yo blondie and a very angry 4yo. Long hot summer.

Decided with spouse to have another child. Got pregnant minutes later.

Miscarried at 13 weeks.

Decided to try again. Got pregnant 6 weeks later.

BPB began K.

Spouse lost job, I was 6 months pregnant.

Ended up with c-section as Brennan was breech.

Spouse kept job hunting, no luck.

Still happy with my family of 5 though stunned at how 3 kids seemed like 8.

BPB began 1st. BBB hit preschool.

Brennan began having seizures.

November we learn Brennan will die and soon. After 7 weeks in and out of Childrens.

Brought him home and worked with hospice.

Brennan died 2/2/96, My grandmother dies 2 hours before Brennan 2/2/96.

On autopilot shock and antidepressants to keep mouth out of water.

Spouse gets job one month after Brennie dies.

I am thrown back into full time parenting a 5yo and 7yo.

Most of that year is a blur.

Mom died 2/11/97.

Spouse got another job.

Soccer, baseball, summer camps, PTA, volunteering at kids schools.

Spouse's company went belly up.

Spouse finds another job. He hates this job but it was a salary.

We had to declare bankruptcy after unemployment and medical. Tried to save house.

Spouse's job is cut.

We lose house.

We move to rental w/in district. None of us were happy about it.

Spouse unemployed for over a year.

Spouse's father dies.

I began college, paid for by state since I was a displaced homemaker.

Spouse was stay at home dad.

BPB start having problems at school.

BBB becomes goofy 8th grader. Both are playing school and select baseball.

Spouse gets new job.

BPB has hypomanic episode and is dx'ed BP2.

I kept trying to take classes while dealing with mentally ill and disturbed child. Pissed off younger child, spouse in denial and little emotional support.

BPB quit high school mid senior year.

This caused many issues in our parenting efforts and methods.

Boys began to become independent at a time where I needed to be needed. This has been hard for me.

Spouse found internet infidelity sites. Caused confrontation, finally.

Keep on trying to take classes.

I finally pass algebra!

I start nursing school in September.

These are the highlights of how I have been formed, changed, smoothed, learned and matured. Still lots of work to go.

What Day Is It?

This day has seemed endless. The spouse was off work. BBB is out of school. It's quite warm out. Guess who had company all darn day? Yeah. Me.

Nothing makes me want sex more than watching my spouse fall asleep, during an extremely stupid show I'd never watch willingly, with an open mouth snoring like a rhino. Woowoo baby that turns me on. Good grief. Is this my life? When did I turn into my mother without the vodka? Scary. Scary thought.

BBB thinks he owns us. Not true. He may own his dad(not going there) but he doesn't own me and I'm feeling a rumble coming. This kid needs to be knocked back into reality land. Parenting is easier with one parent in certain situations and this would be one of those.

Mr. Wimpy gives in to almost everything. What's up with that? It's pretty much been this way since the boys were 8 and 10. When BPB questioned his dad he got slammed. When BBB wiled his way into a question he got what he wanted.

What makes me the angriest? I can't do anything about it! BBB knows I know exactly what he's doing. Spouse is clueless, counseling doesn't work cuz spouse pretends to hear then comes home as if he never went.

I pray the lessons BBB learned before the preferential treatment stick around and show up again as he matures.

Parenting is difficult. Having parents from two different cultural backgrounds makes it 20 times worse.

Enough whining for the night. I'm even boring myself.

Some People Can't Be Solved

My favorite blog used to be Twist & Skewer. Why? Because the title explained my viewpoints on the world perfectly as well as my sense of humor. I can't stop being twisted now!!

I will be respectful and listen when I am supposed to be listening. I will participate with group activities happily and with enthusiasm and I will practice all techniques until I get them right. I have not gotten this far to let some petty little twerps rock my dreams.

I am not out to be liked by all. YAWN. I just want to be careful and think before I speak so I din't inadvertently hurt someone's feelings.

Half my nutrition class is in my LPN class in fall and they all seem very friendly, kind, humorous, willling to work together and I think I see some fun in them as well.

I will trust and assume the best of my classmates until I am proven wrong.

My world is where I live and I think I found a friend last night! :)

Just to Make ME Happy

I bought this piece of glass art from etsy.com/rat She is a true artiste with stained glass and this piece matches a square piece I bought from her in March at etsycom.

I love them both. They are excellent things to observe, to meditate while looking at the them and bring me joy and light to my moods and my life.

This was my present for my 100% in my algebra final

Let's Try This Again

I need to figure out a way to literally keep my mouth shut. No cooments or questions in class. Me. Silent. This is what I need to learn. Atilla Nightingale likes students to be quiet. Observent but silent.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know how to be silent. Tonight I went to oay for Riley's summer camp and on the way out Riley told me I embarassed him and why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to make asinine comments?

I do have trouble being silent but I don't think everything I say is inappropriate. I'm the only one.

Besides cutting off my tongue, getting a lobotomy, surgically removing my vocal cords I do not know what to do.

How Do We Solve A Problem Like Janice?

Remember the movie The Sound of Music? The scene where the nuns don't know what do to do with active, lively, loud, enthusiastic Maria? Its seems I have a similar problem with myself.

I'm not sure how to say this or deal with it. My Nutrition class is taught by the Director of the Nursing Program. She a formidable woman of undetermined age who learned nursing the old fashioned way. The way where humiliation was a teaching method. She was also a play by the rules Army nurse. No real issues with that.

Except I need to learn to keep my shut no matter what, to not ask questions, to never challenge(I think I can handle this one), to not make any comments~humorous or not, to suppress my personality into a robotic non speaking, non emotional nursing student. I have no idea how to do this.

When the list of who made the program came out apparently several people had a laugh about me getting in and talking behind my back(well my back wasn't there but ya know what I mean)about how I was their favorite person in very heavily sarcastic voices.

I have not made any efforts to harm anyone. I have gotten better as not asking questions in class that are irrelevant. I try hard not to comment.

I don't know if people see me as an annoying know it all or a stuck up bitch. I don't honestly get it. I don't judge other people. In my head or out loud, I just don't do it, it's not my job. I try to be nice to everyone. If I am quiet, people think I'm a snob.

I have a strong personality that I try to tone down enough because I have to deal with the 31 other folks in my LPN class from September through August. We'll be moving around in different groups and everyone will eventually work with someone else.

I'm not doing this to be popular but I am going to have to find a way NOT to annoy fellow students and/or the nursing director (I already made a small booboo tonight, never to be repeated.)

I don't want to the one no one wants to work with. I don't want to be the complete outsider. I don't want to be stuck up but some of that is a lack of know what to say.

I'm supposed to live myself as I am and that could sandbag my nursing career. OK I can tone down my silly idea that I'm smarter than 90% of the world. It's probably more like 88%.

I need ideas. I needs them fast. No duct tape and staple guns will NOT be considered. Why don't people like me? Am I abrasive as my spouse alluded to when I originally applied to the LPN program? How do I fix that?

Is Stepford still fixing up women...................?

Stuffing My Head

As I'm tied up in class tonight I thought I'd let ya know I'm stuffing my head with knowledge. Lots and lots of knowledge.

My math class was.........odd. Very odd. My math teacher's name is Thor. He worked 2.5 years in Africa for the Peace Corps and after that worked in a Seattle homeless organization for two years. I'm hopeful he doesn't see our class as a "fix it" project. :P

BBB gets more annoying by the second. There will be a blow up. Soon. I'm not sure how soon, but it's on the way.

I got to school over an hour early to find half the parking blocked off. Why? Hard to say. Irritating? HELL YES! It's the first day of summer quarter, get a grip people. I was irked to say the least.

Off to learn about fats, carbs, proteins and their chemical building blocks or how they are used as nutritional building blocks. Someone lust after House for me tonight. Please. I still love you Hugh.............!!<3 <3 <3

The Other World

I am so self-involved in my stuff that I forget there is another world. A world that doesn't revolve around my silly complaints and self important events. A world where the other 6 billion folks live and country where 300 million people who aren't ME live.

Tonight I watch the the movie The Great Debaters starring Denzel Washington and Forrest Whitaker about a country I never had to live in. That country was the Jim Crow South. The lynchings and inequalities did not end with the Emancipation Proclamation, not did it completely end with The Civil Rights Act of 1964.

The Great Debaters reminded me of US history that I am too ignorant of.

WARNING! Summary ahead: Marshall, Texas, described by James Farmer, Jr. as "the last city to surrender after the Civil War," is home to Wiley College, where, in 1935-36, inspired by the Harlem Renaissance and his clandestine work as a union organizer, Professor Melvin Tolson coaches the debate team to a nearly-undefeated season that sees the first debate between U.S. students from white and Negro colleges and ends with an invitation to face Harvard University's national champions. The team of four, which includes a female student and a very young James Farmer, is tested in a crucible heated by Jim Crow, sexism, a lynch mob, an arrest and near riot, a love affair, jealousy, and a national radio audience. Written by {jhailey@hotmail.com}
Source: IMDB.com

A small black college named Wiley College in the midst of racist Texas triumphs through the inequalities, the indignities, the cruel and nasty tradition of treating Blacks as if they were animals or child like.

I highly recommend this film for anyone. It is an excellent film in every way. The lesson taught is one Americans still need to learn and remember.

There are flickers of our country's history in the midst of the Depression. Most of us tend to forget the people who tried to unionize and help workers, how many people were on welfare simply to survive, how the Harlem Renaissance was bringing the music and words of Black poets and musicians to the rest of the country.

I was raised a white girl in a white world. My mother, being Canadian, raised me to be color-blind. It was easy when I lived in predominantly white suburbs and I could imagine myself a champions of all oppressed people. HA! In My Jordache jeans...silly me.

I know people dislike dealing with the issues of racism past and present. Get over it. We are a nation of immigrants and everyone who comes legally belongs here. Whether your family came over on the Mayflower in the 1600's or in the 1950's like my husband's family.

Watch the movie. Talk it over with your children and remember how very lucky we are to live

in the United States.

Borrowed from Oh The Joys!

First They Came
When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent; I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent; I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out; I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent; I wasn't a Jew.
When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.
Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

Take A Deep Breath

glitter-graphics.com

This picture shows how I feel when I try to talk to my 17yo about anything, small talk, questions, events. I am wrong whatever I say. I am always wrong.

I think all 17yo's should be rounded up and put in a prisoner of snottiness camp deep in the Nevada desert. Not area 51, perhaps area 21, as in stay until they're 21

Karma, God's joke, payback, whatever label you want to put on it~having a teen act the way I did at age 17 sucks like sour lemons covered in sulpher.

Just my thoughts for the evening.

I AM THE CHAMPION

My final grade for intermediate algebra aka Math 97 is a 2.5

Which means I got an A(100%) on the final.

Yes, I said A!

WOOHOOOOOOOO!

80%

(3rd times a charm)

(Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

An Oldie But Goody

:)Signs You Might be an OLD Fogey:

1. You get all bent outta shape because a building has gone up in 2 days w/o you noticing until it's done. You drive by, do a classic retake and wonder how the heck you missed that?!!

2. It makes you sad when you realize certain stores have closed down and replaced with another Thai restaurant!

3. You cannot make out any lyrics in a rap song except for the nasty epithets.

4. You miss Johnny Carson. (Even the fact you remember Johnny Carson!)

5. Your teenage children point out how "square" you are all the time.

6. The first TV your family owned was either a black and white version OR you had to get up and physically change the channel.

7. Gas used to .99 a gallon and darn it, you want that price back now!

8. You find yourself muttering ,"Darn teenage drivers!"

9. You mention how great "some celebrity" is looking to your spouse and then ya realize said celebrity is your age or younger! (Botox is a MIRACLE for some folks.)

10. You miss the days when David Letterman was cutting edge humor.

11. The names of new bands make you wonder what kind of nutjobs are in the music biz nowadays.

12. You use phrases like nowadays! Snort.

13. Your MySpace page never gets any inappropriate comments. :(

14. Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, and Xuqa are completely unrecognizable names.

15. You have no clue what a social utility is. (Speaking as a parent of teen boys you might want to check your child's computer for social utilities...)

16. "Roots" was an original and thought-provoking mini-series the first time you watched it.

17. You can recall when Farrah Fawcett looked GOOD and/or you owned one of her famous posters.

18. Charlie's Angels was a TV show and NOT a movie.

19. Your ever-so-kind 16yo hears one of your favorite songs and lets you know he thinks "The remix of said song is way better!" (Took me awhile to comprehend what a "remix" was. I consider a remix a terrible thing that happens to great music!)

20. You are completely unaware that Painkiller Jane was a TV show on Sci Fi. Worse, you never knew there was a Sci Fi channel!

21. Your kids cannot believe you used to live without a home computer, a cell phone, an answering machine and you never felt deprived.

22. You owned a Walkman cassette player and thought you were so Sylin'!

23. You still own any cassette tapes or vinyl albums or an 8 track player!

24. Walking everywhere when you were 13 was not a hardship.

25. The first computer you owned was a clunky Apple that did not have a color screen.

26. You walk into the kitchen and immediately forget why you went in there.

27. Algebra makes no sense, has never made any sense and will never make any sense!

28. You say, "Huh?" trying to comprehend what your teen just said to insult you.

29. Bouffant hairdos are in, again. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Oh yeah. It's Broken. Tasks Yet Done.

BBB's got the blues. My dominant hand is broken blues....

Can't play no baseball, can't even eat.

Can't go to Arkansas 'lessen I pitch with my feet.

Can't do no writing, can barely text, after jumping off the skateboard this is what I gets. 'Stead my mom is sending me to camp, where I will get intense. Mom thinks I won't get wet, what she doesn't know won't hurt me yets....I've got the blue cast blues~

After spending 3 hours at the orthopedic office we left with the knowledge BBB broke one of the lower bones in his left hand. He was (underwhelmed and negative) thrilled!!! He will be spending a week in Oregon at Young Life camp in July. (I gets a whole seven days with no flack, yeehaw!)

My undone list or yet to be done list. This is my living room almost four months after we moved here. Hey! I have college to attend ya know! No haterz.

The big white things are big book cases. The brown things are boxes, unpacked boxes.(tongue in cheek)

Final photo of undone living room.

This is my dining room, again with that not quite finished look.

A different POV of my unpolished dining room.

Unpacked books in office.

The view from our bedroom window, very different from the view in February.

Closeup view of my cherry tree and some maple in left lower corner.

The bedroom where no action ever goes on.

The hall/stairs window just cuz I wanted to take a picture of it. Heck if I know why.

I plan on having the house completely decorated by the year 2011.

How To Raise An Almost Man

First give birth to a boy. Fall madly, obsessively in love with said boy child.

Enjoy him immensely as an infant/toddler. You will running alot at this age with giggles galore. He's Mama's boy and you love it!

Around age 6 watch him start to get a little macho. (Moooom, no! I am not injured. I'm just bleeding. Do not fix it in front of all the guys.) O-kaaaaaaaaaay.

The mystery of maleness begins.

Help him with his homework and projects but take no credit. Sign him up for soccer, baseball, flag football and any other desired sports. Pay for them and all equipment. Attend and watch all games in rain, snow, sleet, dark of night and even when you are ill.

Never hug him after a game unless you like to be scorned. (Be irritated when some jerk baseball player slides into boy at second base and breaks boy's toe. Insist he gets a cast even though he's really pissed at you.) Continue to go to all his games and embarrass him by yelling loudly. If you really want to make him pretend he doesn't know you, dress in team colors and jump and down while you're screaming your buns off when kid gets home run.(Tee hee, we moms need some fun.)

Wonder how 13year old males can go 3 weeks without a shower. Watch spouse cart kid into shower and wash him down. This is cheaper than fumigating the house.

Watch son enter junior high and empathize (silently) with his awkwardness. Watch boy date 50% of the 9th grade girls when he's still in 8th grade. Laugh when he tells you he got more girl's phone numbers than any other boy in school. Have fun at home with him when there is no audience. Part of him is still that little boy who worships you, he's just hidden in the drama and angst. He still values your opinion though he would not admit to that under pain of death.

Watch him begin high school. Enjoy (keep a sense of humor) his dramatics. Observe certain high school behaviors are universal from when you were in high school, ya know, back when we rode dinosaurs to the drive in.

Encourage him to discuss the cool play his group wrote in honors English "Pokebeth", a play on Macbeth which earned them A's and was truly hilarious. You are astonished at how sophisticated a writer he has become and how current he is on world events. Tell him you are proud and prove it by telling his dad how terrific his play was.

Worry when he begins dating a girl who manipulates him and gets his emotions all messed up. Timed to male's one and only hypo manic episode. Try not to show your dislike for said girl. Thank God that there have been no more hypo manic episodes. This is where it is very difficult to keep your opinion to yourself. Stone face is the best way to go, otherwise he'll like the girl even more if he realizes you dislike her.

Despite your positive involvement in his life........watch him pull away. Listen to him to refuse to discuss his issues good or bad. Try not to cry when he screams at the top of his lungs: Leave me the hell alone!

Be upset when decides to quit high school in his senior year. Admit he is 18 and there is nothing you can do to change his mind.

Observe boy having a very adversarial relationship with his father. Wonder if the boy will hate you forever. Attempt to remain neutral even if veins do pop in your head.

Worry when he sneaks out through his window. Ask him what kind of fool tries to sneak a girl into his window while the family eats dinner. Get no answer. Regard his constant surliness unless he needs money or a car. Stare in astonishment as he decides he's mature and responsible enough to move out. Feel your heart break as he treats you as a stranger.

Try not say I told you so when he moves back in. Try to be supportive without being enabling.

Give him ultimatum after six months of up all night, sleep all day. It's school or a full time job. Make a decision. He decides to work.

Observe him showing signs of hope, signs of being able to control some of his compulsivity and impulsivity. See him take his job seriously. Tell him you are proud of him.

Watch him make it to work on time. Watch as his drinking settles down considerably. Be grateful he has learned to control his temper. Be able to see the future and have hope. Soon, he'll be a man in his twenties and I'm still alive. Woohoo.

Note: Keep praying throughout his life. This is a hopeful post. I can see a sliver of light at the end of a very long tunnel. :D Just wanted to make that clear.
(yes, I know I invented words here. They work for me.)

A Strange Family

I was sitting here in my living room killing time and decided to google my last name or rather my maiden name.

Two out of my 3 three brothers showed up sorta frequently. My younger brother has done some acting, modeling and is now a steadicam operator for movies and tv. He has several listings related mostly to his camera work. My older brother blogs about gurus and stuff. We were raised Catholic and I'm raising my children as Christian so where the inclination to worship Kali etc came from I will never know. Though my youngest brother who doesn't show up on google, also went the way of Hare Krishna for a time.


I am reading some of the stuff on my older brother and find an entire group who claim to debunk all my brother has to blog about. I found this funky "article" written years ago when my bro lived in Northern Cal. My oh my what big words they all used. Socialogical neurotranmitters. Fake projection of duality in the world. HUH? It was all very surreal. Apparently my brother's "outing" of fake gurus pisses some people off. Hmmmmmmmm, ok. I guess. I remember my brother as being quite smart yet lacking a basic self-confidence. We shared that lack.

My parents did the best they could with what they had but growing up in the 60's and 70's wasn't all Brady Bunch. They liked to compare us, the older 2 children of 4.

We had(still have) nothing in common but that did not stop my mom from trying the old, "Why can't you get good like your brother/sister?" It varied which of us had higher grades depending on whether we were in junior high or high school. My brother was into nature and snakes. He caught snakes and kept them as pets which encouraged my younger brothers to do the same.


Myself, I have nothing against snakes. I'm not scared of them nor do I love them. I was the girl caught in the "snake house". I was taking a shower one day when I was 16yo. It was 6a.m. and I was half-awake. Imagine my surprise when a black snake "popped" out of the drain at me. I became a girl quickly and screamed my head off. Thing scared 5 years off my life. I jumped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and ran screaming into my younger brothers' room. "There's a freakin' snake in the shower!!!!!! GET IT OUT!"

Later, years later, my mother used this story to amuse her friends. You see, the day before my 11yo brother was giving his snake a "bath" in the bathroom sink. Well, Mr. Snake decided to go tourist down the drain. My bro could not find him and Mom figured there was a new snake in the sewer system. WRONG. Mr. Snake visited me after a tour of our house's plumbing early the next morning. This story never failed to crack my mother up. HA! I got my brother back .....eventually. I'll never tell how though, muahahahaha.


Back to the google thing. My older brother apparently is "corrupted" in his opinions on false gurus.

Back in 1978 I never thought my brother would be somewhat "infamous". Isn't this a weird world? We did not even have cordless phones back then let alone an internet. Makes ya think, doesn't it?
Hare Krishna
Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna
Hare Hare...................

My younger brothers were constantly doing things that upset me. Like the time they got into my dresser drawer found my black inkpad and fingerprinted my wall. Yup. A wall of finger and hand prints.

Once again, my mother found this amusing. I did not. I think I was 12 or 13. I insisted on a lock for my door to keep the hyperactive brats out of my stuff. Surprise! My dad put a lock on my door.


There was another time I was taking a shower and when I got out, there was a huge Z across the steamed up mirror. Zorro? Hardly. Another brother trick. Again, my mom cracked up. I really did not get along with my mom when I was a teenager.

I was in the shower when I was 15. All of a sudden I felt a cool breeze.........then the shower curtain whipped back. Much to my astonishment there were 5 10 year old boys staring at my nekked body. I screamed like a banshee, "GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!" Younger bro number 1 had sold me for $.25 a "view". Needless to say, those quarters were mine, plus I was awarded his allowance as "damages".

These 10 yos are now their 30's. Let's hope they forgot all about this "fun" incident.

I used to beg my mother to send me to boarding school just to get away from my brothers. She said it was too expensive. What I should have answered was, "My therapy will cost you a lot more." I always think of good comebacks AFTER I need them. Don't you hate that?


When I was about 18 or 19 my brothers, the younger ones, came to me one day. Turning red and blushing they asked me to explain sex to them. Apparently my mother tried to bring this subject up but my bros ran from the room. LMAO! My mother NEVER ever tried to explain sex to me! She showed them my Human Sexuality book. The book had pictures of hermaphrodites and abberant actions. No wonder they ran from the room and know I knew where my textbook went. Do you think my mom learned anything new from my book?


When my bros were 5 and 7 we would make forts together. I was 12. We lived in a semi-wooded area and would play war. I was ALWAYS the general. They were always non-coms. Age hath its privileges. Snerk. When we got heavy snow all four if us, even the oh-so-cool older bro, would make snow tunnels and snow caves. It was so much fun. I have to say my childhood was pretty great except for the snake, fingerprint times.


I miss that time now and again. We have so little in common now and since my mom died we don't keep in touch. My mother kept us up on each other. It was a different era.

I'd go play from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. and my mother never had to worry. If I was doing something wrong, some neighbor or brother would narc me out. We were safe. Most of the moms stayed home and child abductions just weren't heard of. I'm glad I got to grow up in those days.


Before MTV and before they were allowed to even say "hell" on TV. I know, this sounds so impossible to believe........they were good times and I thank God I had a loving family even if they were snake-obsessed.

Meanderings From My Mind

glitter-graphics.com

Why do men enjoying watching stupid idiotic movies?

Why do television stations schedule extra bad dreck on Friday & Saturday nights?
I know there are many parents, people who can't afford to go out, and older folks that are at home both weekend nights.

Why did my mother's curse work? You know the one: I hope you have kids just like you!
BBB is self-absorbed, snotty, negative, thougtless, rude, and oh, so much like I was at 13 and maybe longer. PAYBACK sucks, sucks and more sucks.

Why do the minor things fall apart when I'm sick? Counter is mega-cluttered, BBB took my clothes out of dryer and shoved them unfolded on top of washer, husband is a slug, and I'm out of almond M&M's.

Remember the days before marriage and kids when you thought everything in life was within your reach?

Remember staying up all night and disussing the meaning of life?

Who gave permission for me to get old? Shouldn't that be my decision?

Do dust bunnies ever attack?

Why do violent movies always have such bad shots? They couldn't hit the side of a barn.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Why do good things happen to bad people?

Saturday Spoutings

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For my friends who think I might be depressed, I have been on meds since Brennan died. My dx double depression~low grade depression with episodes of major depression. I'm not depressed right now, just dealing with what they used to call the empty nesy syndrome. I adore babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I've done daycare and taught preschool. I will be helping out in the baby nursery at VBS in July. Reading blogs about kids this age is adouble edged sword. I love to see the pictures and read the stories. I also wish I had some of my own. I'll feel that way when I'm 80.

The Y chromosomes don't help. Mom is sick so we'll just ignore her all together instead of just most of the time. Spouse hasn't an ounce of nurturing or empathy w/in him. Known this for years. Too bad I did not know this 22 years ago when we started "dating".

I've been dozing with an ice pack on my head. My lower back really hurts and now my left knee as well. I'm walking like I am 89, gingerly.

The college world series are on. hooray. Guess who is planted in the recliner, snoring? This is makiing my hurt even more. I feel slightly like an animal trapped in a cage. Can't go anywhere because of head, the sunshine would make my eyes melt in their sockets.

The Road to Nowhere

My right side of my head hurts mucho. My kidney area in my backs hurts too. What's up with that? I have an appetite but I've been sleeping most of the day and my eyes are sensitive to light so tv and laptop aren't fun.

I read these blogs where the moms have newborns or toddlers or preschoolers and I feel like I was not a successful mother. It's just how I feel.

I was in Rite-Aid waiting for drugs and walked by some glowsticks. Glowsticks used to be an extra special treats to my boys. We'd take a night walk and then they'd hang them by their pillows or under their pillows. We froze them once to see if the glow would come back. Of course they took them apart to try and figure how they worked. We used to have so much fun together! It mad me sad to remember.

I grieve for those days. Why can't I let this go? Why can't I move on and beyond? What is wrong with me?

There Are Little Men Taking Over My Head

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They are the little men who are jackhammering from the inside out. They are causing me great agony. AGONEEEEEY!! I went to the clinic to get stronger antibiotics for the sinus infection that won't die. They did not offer pain meds and I didn't ask. I'm so tired of the assumption I might possibly be a drug seeker. I think anyone who comes in with symptoms including pain get treated with suspicion these days and it really sucks.

My last infection the doctor gave me the huge amount of 12 percocets. It was fine. It took me over a week to use them up. Why do "they" not believe I feel no euphoria from percocet, I barely feel any pain relief from vicodin and I don't get high off any of it?

Nothing of interest to say now.

Wednesday Words

I'm sitting here giggling as I catch a scene on Family Guy. Peter, the dad who is very appropriately named, is listening as Lois, his wife, explains how she turned down $10 million from her dad when they got married. At this point you see what Peter is thinking: He throws Lois onto the couch, jumps on top of her...............and grabs a pillow and begins to smother her. Hehehe. Then she dies and the police come to the door and Peter shrugs his shoulders when they ask what happened. OK. It might lose something in the translation but it made me laugh hysterically, most likely because I think of things like on occasion {shrugging my shoulders}? I'm evil like that.

I went and spent money on me today. POOF! My grey hair is gone, baby, gone. My hair is highlighted in reds/blonds and we went lighter than we have in 6 months. I like it. You know the y chromosomes did not notice.

Front Page Headline from the Seattle Times today: Colder Than Siberia! I found this funny too. Oslo is warmer than Seattle this week. Siberia is warmer, Anchorage is warmer, everywhere in the Northern Hemisphere is warmer. It went to 57 degrees with clouds today. I ADORE this weather. Every one else in NW? Not so much. I say better than 100 degrees with 94% humidity any ol' day. So what if it's too cold to plant seeds or bedding plants? All the silly people are wearing sweatshirts and jackets as I romp my way in a t-shirt and jeans with my birks and socks 'course! Janice is romping all over Kent today! You should have been there.

I picked up my book for Nutrition and was glancing through it because I just can't help myself. Textbooks with words and scientific charts make me tingly all over! Unlike textbooks with square root signs, factoring charts, numbers and numbers that are irrational(I'm irrational enough for this world, thank you.) PLEH to math textbooks. PLEH! I declare. Did you know how extremely important vitamin A is to your overall health? It's berry berry necessary for life. Your liver works better with it. Your eyes work better. Your immune system functions more efficiently. All kinds of cool little factoids to keep me answering over 80% of Jeopardy questions most nights. What I require to be invigorated is so simple.(If you believe that, I have some oceanfront property in Idaho for sale...).

My lovely aloneness is about to be raided so I'll be off to read everyone elses blogs!

Free. Free! Free?

NEWSFLASH! Dateline: grocery store magazine racks~Jesus is Returning to Earth 9/11/08!!
(Just thought I'd let ya'll in on the news.)


I am free. Free from the pressures of school for 13 days. Free from academic deadlines, homework, quizzes and tests. I am free to read non-academic materials. I am free to go back to sleep without guilt.

I AM FREE from the tyranny of algebra FOREVER!!! The irony being I now understand the subject quite well. Bwahahahaha. The joke's on me. Imprinted after 9 months of the subject are quadratic equations, quadratic formulas, cubic graphing, assymptopes, rationalizing radicals, solving radical expressions and so much more. I took the final today, I am pretty darn sure I aced it. Seriously. ACED. When I think how many times I wanted to quit this past quarter...I am glad my friends talked me down.

I am free to have no activities planned for 13 days? I am positive someone will expect me to unpack and clean and wear aprons(Hell NO! we won't go!). Free to catch up on delayed tasks.

There is a very deep feeling of hostility between the spouse and I. Those comments that are just barely nasty are coming fast and furious. Probably because I called him on it yesterday. Nothing like adding fuel to the fire.

BBB is milking the pain for all it's worth. He's understandably cranky. He's very sore. However, he has started spilling a secret or two to his Mama again. :)

I am beginning to wonder if there is hope for this marriage. Time to wait and see. I'm a woman who perseveres(see above algebra news)and will keep breathing, keep becoming the woman I was meant to be, and go with the flow.

Thank you very much for all your support, notes, hugs and friendships.

Moronic Males Messing My Mood

***I married a dork. Who dissed me in a tone of voice his father used to use, in front of BBB, essentially telling me to shut up. (Who hid my pickaxe? Kate?) Who stayed home last night so he could finish watching the college world series sleep as he wakes up at 5am for work, as I, for the FOURTH time in 12 months, hit the ER with a male child needing x-rays. Big honkin' fun, lemme tell ya.

***My 17yo decided to skateboard (using someone else's longboard) down a steep hill just cuz all the stupid folks guys were doing it. He jumped off because the board was going to crash land, on his left(pitching)hand/wrist. Phone rings. Dork says it's for me. 17yo telling me he "fell" on his wrist and it hurts like a bitch and what should WE do?

***The 19yo snuck a new slut friend up to his room after dinner. When I told my moronic mate he did nada, nothing, null, zip, zero.

***I got to sleep around 2:30a.m., was woken up at 5a.m. by noisy jackass , went back to sleep to have terrible nightmare about not being able to house or feed my little boys(they were about 4 and 6 in dream) and woke up sweaty with my heart pounding.

How was your Monday?

Holy Cow! (must read last 2 paragraphs to get that joke!)

Where do I start...? I got an 88% on my last algebra test. As long as I can hold it together for the final(multiple choice, 10 whole questions) I will be forever done with algebra. YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWW! Final is Tuesday or Wednesday, whenever I get to campus. Then I have a break until June 23.

I am the new owner of a MDA(mobile data accessory). That's a PDA with a phone, mobile windows, plays music, videos, tv shows, can downloads many nursing books, has one very fun game I've already become addicted to, and it quite confusing. I'll hit the t-mobile store and ask the folks why the new Wing won't sync with my laptop and why the instruction books leaves out critical details. Oh yeah, it's a phone too.

Been watching the NCAA Baseball Super regional. UC Irvine was winning over LSU but they are blowing the 9th inning all to hell. It's best 2 outta 3 so there will be a game tomorrow. Cal State Fullerton was taken out by Stanford, Fresno St is still in. Lots of California schools. I spent my last 18 months of high school half a mile down the street from UC Irvine.

If looks and thoughts could kill, my spouse and my 17yo would be circling Jupiter without a space ship or space suits. Those tiny little annoying comments or actions. I dislike be treated like a moron. I ask a question about the name of The college from Fresno and I get a snotty comment. Fresno is one of the Cali places that doesn't stay on one's radar especially a state school that used to take any high school graduate.(Back in the early 80's). My spouse grew up on the Central Coast of southern/central Cal which is Santa Barbara, Santa Maria etc. Much closer to Fresno that this snobby white chick has ever been. My rule for Southern Cal was always West of I-5, keep the Pacific in sight. :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spent pretty much the rest of the weekend snoozing and relaxing. My allergies are flaring, which is odd because it rained all week and my eyes are being funky which happens sometimes with these stupid integrated lenses.

The 17yo popped one of the crows with the air soft rifle. They've been less irritating since. We're not sure if it just pissed the crow off or if he really nailed it. It kinda fell of the branch but it was 2 yards over and we didn't see it land or fly away. We couldn't ask those neighbors because English is a second language in this 'hood. Nice neighborhood, it's just very diverse. I feel see-thru white some days, snerk.

Oh! Oh! OH!!!!!!!! I forgot the really fun news. (ahem...)I was fitted for a bra on Friday. 41 inches around,ok that was what I got when my pal and I did it. Size around the breast section..........? You will not believe this because I sure as hell didn't. Forty-nine inches! Holy freakin' Frijoles! That is a cup size F, yes you read that right EFF as in F.

The super silly funny thing about the bra I bought (42DDD cuz they don't just carry F's around) the cups of the bra fit over and are larger than my head. Oh my goodness! I've become a Dolly Parton Joke. If I lost weight these puppies would deflate to my knees. And then what would I do, ROLL them up into a bra? I was an E when I was nursing. What the F? (haha, get that?) I will never wear cute underthings again. Boohoo, whimper, whine. Getting old sucks weiners and NOT in a good way!

Odd and Strange Questions

Why does dust keep coming back? Even in rooms with air filters, dust settles on my wood furniture, my window sills, my air filter(!), my pictures....Why does dust keep coming back? If I was a good housekeeper I'd dust every four days. Is this God's way of letting people know what a crummy housekeeper I am and since I'm allergic to dust and dust mites, a way to make me sneezy, snuffy and cranky?

How do crazy immigrants(from other countries and other states) who cannot read STOP signs get their driver's licenses? I live in an area of diversity. The only sure thing is these folks who learned to drive in India, The Ukraine, Somalia, Asia, California etc. go through red lights, they tailgate me because I actually go the speed limit, they crazily change lanes illegally, go through my 'hood way over the 25mph limit and they scare me. How Do they pass the driving test?

Why do the TV Networks assume we, the audience, are all morons? I refuse to watch a program about folks taking lie detector tests, sliding off greased foam objects, swapping wives, the 12th rerun of a series show, and way too many freakin' dumb commercials for their fall shows!!

Why do people who have NEVER heard of the Marquise de Sade all have higher grades in algebra than I? Is a liberal arts education dead? What are they doing at the thousands of small liberal arts colleges in the Midwest and East? These folks also admitted they can only answer one question right per Jeopardy show. ACK! I get over 25 right each show.

Why do folks always buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune even though they don't need to and it wastes money?

In a world where people are starving and homeless, how can anyone(Brad Pitt) spend a half-million dollars on furniture?

Please add your own odd question....

My Brain is Boiling!

Money and marriage=fights, f'ing headache, accusations that I forget to pay bills, cuz everything in life is my damn fault! ARGH! Yes, I do actually say ARGH just like it is written. Be glad you are not here. My head has steam coming from it. I am feeling murderous. I am feeling completely unsupported. I am wondering why I live with 3 stupid unempathetic men!

I've been having a really rough couple of weeks here, though I'm not exactly sure why. The algebra pressure is a huge part of it. If I don't pass this freakin' class I will not even tell my spouse because all I'm going to hear is : I never saw you study. You didn't do enough. You should have never missed class, blah, blah,blah you do not want to stick that meat cleaver in my skull!(Oh hell yes I do!) Prison would be better right now than here.

Now


I'm being accused of bring our credit score down because I must have paid bills late or something. Um, no. I missed one bill for $7.02. Now paid. I sincerely doubt that touched out credit rating. You know where I want my spouse to stuff his credit rating? Use your imagination.

Spouse is irked about my etsy purchases, but his passive/agressive anal self cannot just tell me that. I have spent about $150.00 since March 1. Since I don't have a job, he gets squiffed if I spend money on something he doesn't think is important.

When we moved, I felt homeless. I was uncomfortable everywhere in this house. Things happened fast and at a very high stress level so abracadabra, I'm in a new house with 184 boxes to unpack and countless things that were tossed at the dump(yes, I am a packrat so this makes me feel insecure for a space of time).

Here three and a half months later I am slowly beginning to feel safe, comfortable and yes, I look gleefully at my glass and grin. (I'm an addict.)

I have a difficult time feeling I fit in, anywhere. School, various groups, even in a new home-therefore maybe a cause for my cloud that has been following me. I need more support. I get none at home. If I came home crying because I flunked math, I would not get a hug. I would get a look. And a not very nice look. Spouse does not know how to be supportive even when he wants to be. Kids are into themselves. No family here and my brothers and dad are as bad as spouse to be brutally honest.

You are all fabulous, but none of you live here. How did I end up friendless? I am going to have to figure that out so maybe I can find a friend w/in 1000 miles.

BLOG BLAST FOR PLEACE 6/4/08

Mimi of MimiWrites is the founder/promoter of Blog Blast for Peace June 4, 2008. Please visit her web page and see all the Peace Globes like the one I used to have and can't find. There are some really inventive and wonderful globes there.

Remember Peace Worldwide is the GOAL!!!!!!!!!

More Decor Photos

Since I could not sleep I started playing with my camera and decided ya'll could not LIVE without more views into my sea room.

This is a much better picture of the candle my 19yo and I made on Mother's Day.

This is the opposite corner from the windows. Hanging in the corner is a suncatcher glass art piece. I have an awesome art piece coming that will hang there when I get it.

This is the lamp in the corner of the two windows with a faux flower bouquet gifted to me by the lovely woman I bought the teal glass bottle and my new green glass bottle.


A larger picture of what used to be my empty wall over the fireplace and two corner windows that needed serious work.

This is a picture of the other corner from a different point of view.


A close in shot of fireplace wall & fireplace.

Piture of the love seat with custom made pillows by D.J., the pillows are supposed to look something like water reflects underneath.

New green glass bottle and new bottle with sea glass from California inside it.

Different view of new green glass.

A picture of the nurse doll a friend bought me

next to new small glass bottle with sea glass in it.

New beaded and decorated bottle from Etsy.com.

Hanging from my ceiling. A beautiful piece of glass art that makes me happy just to

look at it. It's so pretty.

Sorry,

Feeling bled out. No creativity here today.

What Will PETA Do If I Kill A Crow or Two?

Besides our new family member the squirrel, there are two evil crows who won't SHUT THE HELL UP!

Do you know how annoying screeching crows are? FREAKIN' DAYAM ANNOYING!

CAWCAWCAWCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! For hours. There must be a way to shut them up.

They are ruining my enjoyment of my beachy room, for which I have purchased new glass art from Etsy. Pictures later this week cuz I know you're dying to see how I spend my money. Maybe I'll make the cover of People...

My kid borrowed his brother's airsoft gun and um, scared the crow. Heehee.

That'll teach 'em to screech at me all weekend!