Notes From The Black Hole

Self-Doubt

5 months without any job offers. It's beginning to get to me.

I struggled through a year of boot camp/nursing school and worked extremely hard.

Now no one seems to want to employ me.

I can be a good nurse. I know I can.

Anyone have any ideas on where to find a nursing job?

Because I'm running out of ideas.

I'm working hard on believing in my skills unlike those who told me I wouldn't make it through. I made it through now I need to move on. I can do it.

Let me know if ya'll have some inventive job search ideas........thanks! <3

Happy Birthday Baby

The lil guy on the right would have been(if things had been very different) 15 years old today at 8:23am PDT.

Thought it was worth remembering. Miss you always Brennan.

You Know You're Getting Old......

In my head I don't feel old. Not at all.

The health screenings I have been doing have randomly been on kids in their 20's and them some really old people in their 40's.

The kids made me feel ancient.

With my own boys I don't feel decrepit. Mostly.

When a song from 1968 comes on the radio and I know all the words, I know I'm getting older.

YKYG Older when.......you can answer all the history of the 60's, 70's and 80's questions on Jeopardy.

YKYGO.........when you use the word teetotaler in a conversation and no one knows what it means.

YKYGO....when everyone you screen was born on or after the year you got married~1986.

YKYGO....because you think the current SNL sucks compared to previous decades.

YKYGO....you know what SNL stands for.

YKYGO....when you think bungie jumping is only for the absolute nut jobs.

YKYGO....when you define "hooking up" as what it is: A one night stand!

YKYGO....when you think cheerleaders(high school age) are nearly nekkid! Since when do short skirts become too much clothing?

YKYGO....when you watch 'Real World DC' and realize none of the 8 residents know who Richard Nixon was and only associate the word impeach with Clinton.

YKYGO....all the songs on 'American Idol' are by songwriters you never knew existed.

YKYGO....skiing was the only sport on the snow besides toboggans. My family of 3 brothers, me and my 'rents used to actually use a real wood toboggan!! It was fun.

YKYGO....when 3-D movies seem stupid. Who needs 3-D??? (Makes me seasick cuz I'm OLD)

YKYGO....because you don't answer your cell phone at 3am and you feel no guilt about it!

YKYGO....when you need two hands to text. (Not just one thumb)

Anyone else know that they're getting old?????

Rent-A-Nurse

Did ya'll know there's been a revolution in health insurance?

NO I am not discussing the health care bill!!! Pfffffffffftttttttttttttt to that!!

Insurance companies, after a century of stupidity, have had an epiphany!!

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

That's right River City! The 'P' word. Prevention.

In the past 8 weeks I've been rented by wellness companies to screen for early detection of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and weight issues so folks will be enlightened to the dangers of pending heart problems, a higher risk for cancer, strokes, and various chronic conditions.

For a price, anyone can rent me. Not me the blogger. But me the Licensed Practical Nurse. Renting me is much cheaper than buying me. No need for silly things like withholding taxes, health insurance, and regular paychecks.

WELLNESS is the new buzzword in health care. Trust me. Wellness.

The rental nurse can educate company employees and/or the general public by alerting them to potential health problems. Yessiree, I can educate.

By going through health screenings a person can get price cuts on their health insurance, up to $800 a year!

The new wellness companies are good for big business! By screening the client can learn that a heart attack(or worse) may be looming on the horizon. Insurance companies and those who prey upon them, have figured out that preventing the slide into poor health they can save megabucks.

I was rented by a company out of the East Coast to test blood glucose levels in a national drug store chain. I did blood glucose testing and spread the good word on how to stave off the expensive onset of type 2 diabetes. This project was done on a nationwide scale.

This gave me 2 days of work at a hefty hourly wage. Ch-ching!!

Weeks of no job later, I was hired by a wellness company out of the midwest to screen employees at a local corporation. For 3 days I had a job at a competitive wage. Yeehaw.

Seriously I am happy that common sense has begun to prevail. I remember when health insurance did not include well baby care. The times they are a'changing.

Not exactly what I was expecting when I graduated from nursing school.

A job that pays, albeit for days, works for me now.

Anyone need to rent me???

Interview Number 6,781

glitter-graphics.com

It feels like I've had that many interviews, please indulge my hyperbole. It's almost my birthday and I've earned a teensy bit of slack. JMHO

I interviewed at a DSHS facility for in residence psychiatric care for 12 teenagers at a time.

I felt very comfortable with the nursing supervisor. I believe I've answered the questions well and that allowed my confidence in my psych abilities to shine through.

I know the meds these kids are on. I know the side effects. I know that calm, cool, and collected is the best method of interpersonal contact.

I was given specific scenarios to answer and I was right on.

We'll see what happens but this job is one I can do well and I would learn tons!!

Pay is lower and no bennies but hey! it's a job.

I was complimented on my resume. I appreciated that. AND they asked what kind of supervision worked well with me. I said honesty and positive reinforcement. If I was doing something in a way that wasn't working, I would love advice and suggestions. After all, I'm all about life-long learning.

Now I have about 12 hours until I turn 48 years old. I remember thinking my mom was practically at death's door when she was 48 and I was 18. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, how the mighty have fallen~~~muahahahahahahaha!

Once Again Part Deux

Just picked up the mail.

Got my reject letter from the job interview I had 2 weeks ago.

The one I allowed myself to want.

Stupid silly me.

I know better than to allow myself to believe I might actually get a job that great.

That perfect.

I've been thrown off enough cliffs to know nothing ever comes easily for me. I have to fight. I must battle through the pot holes and bumps on the road. There isn't any smooth pathways for my life.

I am so angry at myself for allowing hope to filter through my guard. Set myself up to fall harder than normal.

I'm kicking hope to the curb tonight. This is just too difficult emotionally to keep hope around. For tonight hope is dead within me. Cold and dead.

Once Again

I have one of my bi-weekly interviews tomorrow.

When I answered the phone today it took me about 90 seconds to remember what job ad I had answered. I mean, I'm sending my resume and job apps everywhere! Not to mention I'm getting older this week.

It's for a per diem position in a residential lock-down facility for teenagers. This place is run by the state which means crappy pay and no bennies.

Sigh. I'm torn. It's a psych nurse job. My favorite subject!

The last job I interviewed for is still interviewing. It would be perfect from the computerized charting to the geographical location to the excellent pay with full benefits....

I know, don't get ahead of myself. The way things have been going I won't be offered either job.

Hi ho, hi ho it's off to an interview I go!!!

Itchy, Scratchy, Sneezy and Several Other Dwarves to be Named Later

glitter-graphics.com

Ok Universe or karma or Mother Nature~what the hell did I ever do to you?


Nothing, I swear.

I have always been eco-friendly even back in the 1970's loooooooooong before it was cool.

I was in the Youth Conservation Corps the summer between junior and senior year. I helped clear trails, cut down fire ready brush, suffered from the chaparral and the dusty desert like National Forest(Forest my ass! no trees, what kinda of damn forest is that?). Cleveland National Forest is between Orange and Riverside counties, a delight of rattle snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, fire ants, poison oak, and several other ungodly creatures. I sacrificed for you Mother Nature! I worked my ass off for you. YOU OWE ME.
What did I get in return?

Early tree pollen release. Here in Western WA, the alder, birch, elm, cedar, and juniper trees are in a sexual frenzy of pollen release! Use a condom, you stupid trees, will ya?

I don't deserve this misery~seriously.

Itchy eyes, eczema on my face(also very itchy), itchy throat and ears, stuffy and runny nose, sneezy, hives down my neck, and just plain miserable.

Mother Nature, I sincerely feel you owe me a break. Alder, elm, and birch pollens are supposed to stay out of the air until late April, LATE April ya hear me?!?

I can only be thankful we don't have olive trees up here. (It gets really UGLY when Olive tree pollen is involved. Like a terrible horror flick by M.Shamylan.

I'm asking nicely MN, pretty please take the pollens away. Otherwise I'm gonna turn my BITCHY on and you really don't want to mess with me when I'm bitchy....

Vent

Oh my sanity is a leaving me.

Doofus(aka spouse) is snapping at everyone.

He snaps at the dog when he's just a dog. Like he knows why Doofus is being an ass?

He snaps at me for anything I say. Everything is taken out of context or misunderstood. May the Lord help me if I interrupt his television watching. I mean, gosh! I know those commercials are extremely important but....

No matter what I say, when younger son is involved, is WRONG.

He'll defend YS even when I have not said anything that needs to be defended.

I want to lose it and scream at him to shut up and grow the hell up! Spouse I mean.

In some ways, this has all been a nightmare.

Six months home with spouse, day in-day out.

We were never meant to spend this amount of time together. Maybe some couples enjoy this but I feel trapped. I feel as if someone has locked me in the attic with a crazy uncle.

I can't do anything right, oh wait, that's right...I never do anything. Spouse does everything. I'm just a lump of laziness.

I know he's under stress. DAMMIT so am I!!!!

I'd push him out a window but we only have 2 floors and the worst that would happen might be a broken ankle. Then he have more to complain about.

Lord, I need a job.

NOW!