How long am I going to believe in happily ever after?
How long am I going to pray to the Lord that my marriage will get better?
How long am I just going to exist?
How long am I going to allow myself to underappreciated?
How stupid am I for wanting to be loved for who I am? Not who someone expects me to be?
I have enough issues with low self esteem and now I feel like it's my fault, that I expect too much from him.
When do I smarten up and believe I deserve to be loved and respected?
I deserve to be hugged more than just when I ask?
How long do I stay when I don't even get told when he leaves for errands, let alone expect a good bye kiss?
What does God expect from me here?
Does anyone know, cuz I don't any more.
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36 minutes ago
4 comments:
sending you massive ((hugs))
I don't have any advice even to say you deserve better and of course you do.
I am sorry ...
I wish I had the answer Janice. All I know (from my parents own marriage) is that I would much rather see them happy and apart than miserable together.
God wants happiness for you. I know that much.
Thinking of you.
I am sorry you are feeling this way and not without cause. I went through an abusive marriage and in the early stages there was some of those comments about how I dressed, how I acted, why I failed him, and on and on. That is emotional abuse, after a while it progressed to physical abuse, there are many levels of abuse in between. I think in retrospect I should have stood up for myself right at the start. Most men that go in for the put downs are actually worried you may leave them and they want to make you feel you are worthless so you won't. That is on a subliminal level they may not realize that is why they do it, however it hurts and the sooner you let him know that you will not be treated this way it will come to a head one way or the other. Fortunately you are giving yourself a career so you don't need him in that way. There is a book out about this called 'Women who love too much' and there is a Christian one very similar. By the way my husband was a pastor but when I eventually kicked him out, my church was tremendously supportive as they said they could see what was going on but until I did something they couldn't. Not that I am advocating you go to that extreme as yet but be aware this does not get better with time. I hope I haven't preached at you but this is a subject close to my heart.
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